should i tell him? - Relationship Health Message Board

nzgirl20 · 09-24-2003, 07:38 PM

I have been with my bf for 6 months now...I am 20 years old and have had 2 long term relationships before, as well as a few short ones. About half way through last year, I met a guy and started going out with him - it was a messy relationship (he cheated and I found out he had a kid he didn't tell me about), so we ended up breaking up. During the short time we were together I had become quite attached and we continued seeing eachother casually (stupid, I know). I guess the main reason I did this was because I still had feelings for him and wanted to somehow still be a part of his life. He fed this emotion by telling me he loved me but 'wasn't ready for any type of commitment' which I stupidly went along with. Anyway, at the start of this year I started going clubbing a lot with my friends and met a few guys, just having fun really - all the while I was still seeing this guy. Things started to fizzle out a bit and in April I met a really cool guy, really sweet...and we pretty much jumped straight into a relationship. When we first started going out I had a few doubts and a couple of months into the relationship I saw the other guy when I was out one night and ended up kissing him. I haven't done anything since then and have become really close to the guy I am in a relationship with. He is really sweet, the nicest guy I have ever met, he's really good looking, I can't say enough nice things about him - I have really fallen in love with him. The thing is now that kiss is playing on my conscience. I can't stop thinking about it and I'm just filled with guilt. It's eating me up inside, I feel SO bad. He always tells me he trusts me completely and knows I would never do anything to hurt him (which I would never do now). He's so good to me and I don't know how to get rid of this guilt. I'm scared if I tell him he'll leave me and I would have ruined one of the best things that ever happened to me. Or if I tell him he won't trust me anymore. Should I tell him? What should I do? I've never been unfaithful to anyone before and am NEVER gonna do it again. Any advice would really be appreciated!

Magnetic · 09-24-2003, 08:23 PM

Spare him the possible hurt. You learned your lesson and won't do it again. Accept that you are human and be thankful that what you did made you realize what a great guy you have and that you will never again do anything to place your relationship at risk.

Jennak · 09-25-2003, 07:03 AM

Dr. Joy Brown (she's on the radio) has said that if it's over and you have made a committment to yourself that it is not going to happen again, you should'nt tell... That telling the other person is actually selfish, because it is only easing YOUR guilt, not helping THEM in any way. The other person is usually just blind-sided...and what for...if you know that it will never happen again, you have just CAUSED this person pain that they did not have to experience at all. I don't condone cheating, but I agree with Dr. Brown. Oddly enough, my mother gave me the same advice when I was 10 years old! I don't even want to know why I was asking questions like that--just that kind of kid, I guess! Good luck and don't beat yourself up.

jenna

TeTr01 · 09-25-2003, 10:29 AM

I agree with the other posters. If it was just one kiss that only happened one time & you know you are never going to do it again, why hurt him? I think it may be a different situation if you had slept with that other guy again, but you didn't. Just forget about it & enjoy the relationship

!

TomsWife · 09-25-2003, 12:32 PM

Hi,
Because you feel bad about this is proof that you are a good person with a concience. I agree witht the other posters. Now all you have to do is forgive yourself and move on emotionally.