WAYS 2 MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND SMARTER WITHOUT LOWERING HIS SELF ESTEEM - Relationship Health Message Board

drayasnhere · 09-26-2003, 05:40 AM

I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A REALLY NICE ATTENTIVE AND WONDERFUL GUY. THE PROBLEM IS HE IS NOT THE BRIGHTEST BULB IN THE CHANDELIER... HIS FAMILY IS NOT BIG ON EDUCATION. BOTH OF HIS CHILDREN GRADUATED THIS YEAR AND NO ONE HAS SUGGESTED ANYTHING ABOUT FURTHERING THERE EDUCATION. MY BOYFRIEND DID NOT GRADUATE FROM HIGHSCHOOL OR OBTAIN A GED, AND I FOUND THIS OUT AFTER SNOOPING. HE IS NOT ABLE TO FULLY COMPREHEND. I SUGGESTED THAT HE READ THE PAPER AND THEN HE CAN HAVE BETTER WORD IDENTITY AND UNDERSTANDING. HE HAS YET TO PICK UP THE PAPER. I REALLY WANT TO CONTINUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AND HOPEFULLY MARRY HIM BUT I AM HAVING A PROBLEM MOTIVATING HIM TO TAKE CLASSES OR DO SOMETHING TO MAKE HIMSELF SMARTER. HE IS 6 YEARS OLDER THAN I AM BUT HE IS NOT BOOK SMART AT ALL. I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO TO HELP. HE DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL 20 YEARS AGO AFTER HAVING HIS FIRST CHILD.

PLEASE HELP ME HELP HIM IN A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY.

Dai · 09-26-2003, 07:13 AM

Can you tell us if he has a medical condition or a learning disability, in another words something specific that keeps him from learning and handling information?

HoosierBj · 09-26-2003, 07:14 AM

Wish I could, but I'm old - and if one thing has become clear to me over the years it is that you CANNOT change another human being.
CANNOT.
Find someone that you can accept as they are today.
Maybe if you break up & are honest about why, HE will want to try and change - but until then, start looking for someone who's background & family values (i.e. education) are as important to them as they are to you.
Good luck!

cog · 09-26-2003, 07:39 AM

Hi - if being with others who share your values for education and learning and growth is important to you, I beg you to consider what a life with this person would be like. I'm only speaking from experience. I married a man who is kind, and considerate and generous and I love him for those things, but he doesn't have any education beyond high school, and I have a graduate degree, and I REALLY miss being able to discuss things with him. He has no interest in furthering his education and the only reading he does is the want ads every Sunday. There's no talking / discussing things of a nature other than work, because he has no interest in those things. He thinks higher education is a waste. I didn't know how much I valued an education until too late. I'm really not a snob, but we are unequally yoked when it comes to education, and it does make a difference in a marriage. He's a good man, and I'm fortunate that way, but I miss intellectual discussions. Oh well.

drayasnhere · 09-26-2003, 07:59 AM

I ASKED HIM IN A ROUND ABOUT WAY IF HE HAD A LEARNING DISABILITY AND HE SAID NO. I THINK THIS COMES FROM NOT GETTING 12 FULL YEARS OF SCHOOL. I AM A COLLEGE GRAD AND AM ALSO NOT VERY SNOBBISH EITHER. I BELIEVE THERE IS HOPE I DON NOT WANT TO JUST GIVE UP ON HIM AND SAY OH WELL. I AM ABLE TO HAVE INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATIONS AND I FEEL LIKE I AM TEACHING HIM ALOT OF THINGS BUT THIS CAN BE FRUSTRATING.

I ALSO WANT HIM TO STRONGLY ENCOURAGE HIS KIDS TO FURTHER THEIR EDUCATION. HOWEVER HIS KIDS ARE STRONGLY INFLUENCED BY THEIR MOTHER WHO IS OFTEN AGAINST ANYTHING THAT MY B/F SUGGESTS.

I ALSO WANT HIM TO READ ANYTHING EVERYDAY, BESIDES THE SPORT PAGES. YES WE WERE RAISED WITH DIFFERENT VALUES AND MY MOTHER ALWAYS STRESSED EDUCATION. I AM NOT GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THIS I WANT TO HELP HIM, ILOVE HIM.

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- Guardian (Moderator)

[This message has been edited by Guardian (edited 09-26-2003).]