Men Who Stop Wearing The Ring - Relationship Health Message Board

Dai · 09-24-2003, 08:02 AM

What's the deal with men who stop wearing their wedding or engagement rings altogether? Why do they do it, really?

I'm asking this because my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and a long time ago we also got engaged. (We never married though.) Nowadays he wears his ring only when we visit family or relatives, and I asked him why is that. He told me that the ring is impractical, it's on the way when he does things with the car etc. he has to take it off and and put it on for this and that and is afraid of losing it, scratching it, or hurting himself with it etc. His job doesn't require him to stop wearing the ring. He said he's more comfortable without it, but if I specifically want him to wear it he will do it. I felt a bit hurt and said I don't want to force him into anything, he can do as he pleases but if he won't wear his ring I won't wear mine either.
So he isn't wearing his, I'm not wearing mine.

He then said it's different for me because I am a woman, he is a guy, guys don't wear jewellery! What a sexist remark. I don't think wedding rings or the engagement rings just as jewellery. What's your take on this?

He hasn't given me any (other) reasons to be suspicious. He is a lazy person so I am inclined to believe his reasons were what he said, but I can't help being a bit irritated.

[This message has been edited by Dai (edited 09-24-2003).]

Ben There · 09-24-2003, 08:25 AM

It's hard to discern other peoples' motivations.

I swore to never take off my first wedding ring. The Air Force warned, even showing training pictures of fingers separated - trailing 2 foot long tendons... One night, as I jumped off of a "stand", my ring caught in a metal channel and suspended me in mid-air. Fortunately, nothing got dismembered. I ceased wearing the ring "on-duty".

Years later, that same ring saved my fingers by resisting the "crush" of a sliding door at a car dealership showroom. (Go figure) The ring was effectively destroyed.

Nowadays (and 2 marriages later), my rings (yes, 2 of them, one for when I'm heavy, and one for slimmed down) ~ both cause dry skin / irritation / open the door for fungal "issues"... so I refrain from wearing them whenever possible. My wife despises that... But, the consequences are discomforting enough that she'll just have to deal with it...

I don't know that the presence of a ring is all that great an issue, anyhow... If one is "faithful", then a ring is inconsequential - and vice-versa.

For whatever that was worth.

[This message has been edited by Ben There (edited 09-24-2003).]

Dai · 09-24-2003, 08:49 AM

Ben There,

Wow, I can surely understand your motivations! I don't think anybody should risk their health with the ring.

I see what you mean with the presence of the ring. It's basically the same thing I told my boyfriend, that we can be together, ring or not. It is not important per se. However, what I wanted to know was WHY.

WHY do people wear rings for years and years and then just stop, without any apparent reason?

Djin · 09-24-2003, 09:14 AM

While some of his reasonings for not wearing the ring are valid, for him to say that YOU should wear yours, regardless, is rather sexist of him. So, you're supposed to wear this badge, stating to the world that you're off the market, but he doesn't have to follow suit? That's ridiculous.

If he doesn't want to wear it while working on his car or doing something where it could potentially cause harm or get damaged, fine. But he should wear it at other times, especially if he expects you to.

[This message has been edited by Djin (edited 09-24-2003).]

mindovermatter · 09-24-2003, 09:48 AM

Dai, excellent topic!! I always wonder that myself. My husband is a welder, he said he had to take his off at work because it got heated or something. Anyway we started having alot of problems in our marriage and he took his off so I took mine off. None the less, we are still married, ring or not. The ring is a simble of our love, the neverending circle! I took great pride in wearing my ring and I miss it being on my finger. I know sounds kind of corny lol! I don't really know "why" they take them off. I suppose sometimes they could be telling the truth!:-)