wow, what to do?...i'm soooo confused :( - Relationship Health Message Board

DoOoOoM · 09-24-2003, 09:39 PM

I've been dating this girl for about 3 months now. We're both crazy about eachother and so you can imagine how intense our relationship gotten. Well, just the other day my gf said she had something really important to tell me. She said her ex-bf called her asking if he could stay with her until he gets back on his feet. I'll give you a quick history of my gf's ex and their past relationship. They dated for 2 1/2 years and finally got engaged. But he hit her and treated her like sh*t and so she wanted out. When we first met she was still goin' out with her ex and so I was skeptical. But ultimately she broke off all ties just to be with me. Since then we've been inseperable. She really cares for me and I truly care for her. Now this guy calls her, crying like crazy and asking her if he could move in. I guess she's the only one he can turn to. I guess his family doesnt like him and so on and so on. Back to question at hand: Should she let her ex move in with her? I cant stand the thought of another guy living with my gf. Man, I get red just thinking about it. But they were tight and my gf is very very very caring. Maybe too caring. Now, she said there would be NO relationship and that she only cares for him because they went out for so long. But she did say she was not IN love with him(well duh, if she was it would be bye-bye), only that her ex knows she's the only one he can turn to. She said she would tell him no if I didnt want her to do it. I'm really confused....what should I do? I'm crazy about this girl and I know she feels the same about me. Should I just let her do it? Please respond, it's only a matter of days until she talks to him again.

roni624 · 09-24-2003, 09:56 PM

They no longer are together...so why should she let him live with her? I don't think she should let him stay with her. It's just my opinion. They have a past together and that there is enough said. If it was me in her situation I would say no. If I was dating someone exclusively and my ex asked to move in with me I would say no without a thought. I wouldn't even wait to see if my current bf okays it. It is just not right. Tell her how you honestly feel about it. Be honest...don't hide your feelings. If she still lets him stay then I would reconsider the relationship.-Roni

butterfly2003 · 09-25-2003, 12:11 AM

I don't think it would be wise at all for her to let him move in with her!!! She was lucky enough to get rid of an abusive person and now she is willing to let him back into her life? It doesn't matter that there would be no relationship between them, because he treated her so horribly there should be no reason that she should feel obligated to help him out! That is very nice that your g/f is a very caring person, but he abused her!!! She should not be caring to him at all, what ever problem he's in he did it to himself (I'm sure) and it is not her problem to worry about! Also think about what this guy is probably trying to do! He probably is trying to get back with her. She is very lucky that she got rid of him, what good would it do to help him out. If I were you I would tell her your feelings and let her know that you care for her, and her safety. However, you can't make her do anything. If she decides to help him out, that is her deal. I would just voice your feelings for her well-being. If she is smart, which I assume she is because she got away from him, she will do the right thing!

tiggie · 09-25-2003, 05:50 AM

I was in a similiar situation. My ex had nowhere to go and was sleeping in his car, and asked me if he could stay until he got a place. I was with my new bf at the time but we didn't live together. I asked my bf what he thought and he told me he was concerned for my well being, safety etc, but the decision was mine. I'm glad he left it up to me cause if he would of said no I would of found that too controlling for me. I needed to make my own decision so i let him stay for awhile...which put a terrible strain on my new bf and I, but it really helped my ex out.
I think you can only voice your concerns and she really needs to make the decsion on this one.
I respected my bf a lot more for allowing me to make the decision, and for coping when things got a bit rough.
My ex did try to come onto me again, so that is definately a possibility, but hopefully your gf is strong and knows who she wants to be with.
Take care

roni624 · 09-25-2003, 08:42 AM

Why put yourself in a situation that could be prevented by just telling someone no in the first place.

Your gf can prevent uncomfortable situations alone with this guy if just tells him he cannot move in with her.