Hey everyone, I'm 18 and never had a girlfriend. I'm too shy and nervous around people, especially girls. I'm out of school now and I work, which means it's even harder for to even meet a girl in my age group. But even if I go out, I can never get the courage to go up to a girl. Even if I could get the courage to talk to her, I'm not a good looking guy. So I always wonder if no one will even bother with me if they don't like what they see. I know if I became friends with someone that that wouldn't matter because lots of girls I've talked to on the net say I'm very sweet and caring and they would date me if I could. All I need is someone to give me a chance. Does anyone have any advice for me? I really need all the help I can get. I'm too self-conscious. Thank you.
Sounds like you are pretty normal. You have some minor self-esteem and confidence issues, but nothing out of the ordinary.
You say you are not a good looking guy. By that do you mean that you don't have the 'pretty boy' looks of a film star, or the 'masculine' looks of an adult man? Most people aren't 'good looking' in that fashion. But then are you interested in girls who will choose you based on your looks? Most of them are pretty shallow.
Sounds like your biggest issue is that you are avoiding the possibility of rejection by not talking to girls when you go out. In order for them to give you a chance, you need to talk to them and show them that you are interested and interesting. Yes, there will be times that you get shot down, but it's a numbers game.
The more girls you ask, the better your chances are for getting a yes. Just keep at it, and don't take the rejection personally. It's just part of the dating game.
From what I've seen in my few years , the older and more mature girls get , the less they care about how "fine " a guy is and the more they care about how he thinks and how secure and intelligent he is. And money doesn't seem to hurt either. I kinda always felt the same way as you all through high school, like I was a troll or something, since I never got dates. It was more my fault than anything, just not ever asking anybody out because I was afraid of getting shot down and laughed at. But in college, when it turned out that I had a future and some ambition, things turned around and I decided maybe I wasn't so ugly after all.
I'm rambling but I think you just need to relax and ask out a few girls and see what happens and don't worry about looks if you can't help them. Besides, you're probably better looking than you're givng yourself credit for.<< Bad grammar <<. And if there are some things you can change, like getting in shape and getting a haircut or something, do it. Right now, at 28 years old, I'm one of few guys I graduated with who isn't fat, divorced, or having a substance abuse problem.
If there's anyone you see around quite often, then it can just start with a "hi" and gradually you'll start having conversations. Looks is definitely not the issue. If a girl judges you by your looks, then you should know that a girl like that is not worth getting to know well. Many girls your age may comment on looks and what not, but the truth is, smart ones will know well enough that it's personality that matters. Dont worry about your looks. I used to be so self-consious about my body but when I turned around eighteen, I gradually learned to love myself. Once I was happy with who I was, I became more confident to meet new people. Just think about all the good things about you, your personality, things you're good at... I was told to list ten things I like about myself (this sounds really dorky) and five that I dont. My goal was to eliminate all five that I dont like about myself, like my impatience and stuff... I worked on it and still am... and then about the good stuff... for example, my haircolor... and I was told to add one new good thing every two weeks. It was a dorky thing to do but it made me notice how much I did like myself and made me a lot more confident. Sorry, got way off track but thought I'd share. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">
There are a lot of solutions to your problem (which seems minor to some, but can be very painful...(from one shy guy to another))
things that have worked for me include:
- joining some sort of group where you are introduced to people your own age
- hanging out with friends who dont have problems of shyness with girls --- meet girls that way (it doesnt hurt to have a friend hook you up once in a while)
- once you have met more girls, talk to them more, and eventually you'll feel comfortable with each other and may even want to spend time with each other.
- dont ever listen to someone when they say you arent good looking. Who's to say you arent anyway. I know plenty of people who arent considered "good looking" but have very nice looking girlfriends. Its all in your attitude.
- lastly, dont ever and I mean ever take "net girls" seriously they are nothing but trouble and cause unnecessarry stress.
just go out have fun with your friends and when you see some girls you like just act like there new friends,make it no big deal and eventually you will find a nice girl.Trust me I'm not G.Q. at all.I m tall lanky, before i was just real short.But just try and not be shy and send positive vibes out.it will come back in your favor.
A lot of my friends are good looking including me but we are not shy,we are always positive and never rude.
girls dig confident guys and postive guys.
You need to accentuate what is good about you and use it to your advantage. Look at everything you do and do it well. Get involved in some co-ed activites..whatever tickles your fancy...hockey, bowling, whatever.
There are MANY 'not good looking men' who have made it in the world...look at Steve Tyler from Aerosmith! He has been voted one of the ugliest men on Earth...yet has had so many relations with women that he has lost count.
Granted he is a rock star but so what?
Get over the feelings of your inadequacies...start being positive and you will find people warm up to that.