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Old 08-14-2001, 09:21 PM   #1
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BabyBlues HB User
For Guys from Girl

This really isn't a sexual question. Just a question for guys. My boyfriend of almost three years told me he didn't know if he loved me. He said he needed time to think. What exactly does this mean? A friend told me that it meant guys want to hang out and get drunk with their buddies. I can handle that. Is this something I should be worried about? He doesn't want me to call or visit. He wants time to think. Any help would be appreciated. I would like to put my mind at ease.

 
Old 08-14-2001, 11:54 PM   #2
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Shiny Bedroom Eyes HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

im not a guy but i can give you advice fer sure!!! this is not something just guys do, girls do it too
When people are in a relationship and want a way out, they use this line to soften the blow ( mostly for themselves) When people are in relationships for 2 weeks to a month to two months, its not serious, and they can just stop calling you right-easy way out. But when people are in a longterm relationship, and want to see other people or why ever they want out, they need to give the partner an explanation
Now i dont know if you have ever tried to break it off with someone- but its hard and scary, and the easiest thing to do is to make it sound like you need time to think, and are comming back, of course by the time you drift away, meet other people etc, the distance makes it easier to let go for good. Im really sorry to sound negative, but i have done this, and i have just watched my friend do this, and i have heard and used this line lots
My advice to you - is move on, Heck PRETEND to move on, and he may be the one comming back to you .
I know this may be viewed as really bad advice, but im just trying to be frank here.

 
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Old 08-15-2001, 12:59 PM   #3
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AshLin HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

Actually Shiny bedroom Eyes (cute name <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif">)....

I don't think your advice is bad at all. I have to completely agree that this is a way he is trying to move on. I don't want to be negative either, but sometimes we have to face the truth. If he isn't calling, isn't visiting, and can't tell you he loves you....... that he actually has to think about it. Girl, he is on his way out, and doesn't want to hurt you on his way. Man I hope I'm wrong, but honestly thats how it looks. Start moving on yourself, like shiny eyes said..... if you start distancing yourself, he might realize what he lost and come back. Good Luck hun... just remember there are TONS of other men out there, if this one doesn't work, thats ok.... you will always find someone else that will love and appreciate you.

~~AshLin~~

 
Old 08-15-2001, 01:32 PM   #4
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Rocky9945 HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

I am a guy, and although I've never actually said this to anyone I would have to agree with what the ladies have said so far. It could be his way of backing out of the relationship. But then again it could be just what he said it was, he needs time to think. If I were a betting man though, I'd go with the former.

If he's decided you shouldn't call or see him it sounds as if he's already made up his mind.

You could wait him out I suppose. Is this what you want to do though, wait on him? If he comes back he may expect you to do this again later on, when something else comes up. In a way he'd be using you as his back-up girlfriend. If things don't work out with whatever he's trying, he'll always have you waiting on him if it doesn't work out. I hope you don't want to be this type person for him.

In any case all of this should make you think. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 08-15-2001, 03:13 PM   #5
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BabyBlues HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

We have been together almost three years. I know him and if he wanted to break up, he would come right out and tell me. A friend told me that he might be at a point where he is considering marriage or seeing other people. He may need a little time to decide wether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am so scared, though. He came to see me Thursday and everything was fine. He told me all this on Sunday. He didn't tell me he didn't love me, he said he didn't know. I don't know what happened in those three days. I love him and I want to be with him. I just don't know what to think.

 
Old 08-15-2001, 04:10 PM   #6
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Sleeper HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

Hi BabyBlues,

I hate to say it, but to me it really sounds as though he does want to end your relationship. As other people have pointed out, it seems like he has already made up his mind, what with having told you not call him.

You said that he is usually very direct, but, sometimes it is not always that easy to be direct with these things. Certainly it is better, but by no means easier. It could be he doesn't quite no how to tell you, or isn't completely sure. It could be that prospect of ending a three year relationship is as frightening and heartbreaking for him as it is for you.

Or, maybe it really isn't that he has decided he wants to break up. There's always the possibilty that there is something going on in his life which is affecting him negatively, which you don't know about. Maybe it is just a phase, but, either way, you need to find out. So, regardless of what he has said, you need to call him and ask him directly what is going on. Ask him if he wants to break up. Difficult, I know. But if he is thinking about it, thenm you want him to know. And by hanging around waiting for him, your only going to make him think that he can string you along.

I'm sorry youre going through this though. My thought are with you, and I hope that this isn't the end of things, but if so, move on.

Good luck, I hope things work out for the better.

 
Old 08-15-2001, 08:23 PM   #7
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Cutelilsunflower HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

He may have used it to soften the blow...My advice...don't go crazy and stalk him <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif"> (lol) just back off and see what happens. Sometimes people who are in love, all of a sudden get scared.."is this it? Forever?" ****..I need to make sure and be free...My best friend just went through this with her MARRIAGE...she never dated any other men or went out with guys during their time apart, it wasn't about all that, but all of a sudden she wanted space (they were married pretty young)...she came to her senses and her hubby was wonderful through it all. (She was lucky It's not always that easy, but sometimes it takes a little time apart to realize you have a gift from God. Just my thoughts <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> Good Luck! Ciao! Bree

 
Old 08-16-2001, 09:37 AM   #8
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AshLin HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

BabyBlues,

Have you considered calling him and being straight forward yourself? Ask him what is going on, why he is becoming so distant. Let him know that this is bothering you and you want to get to the bottom of things. You have been together three years, by now you should have decent communication skills with each other. I could honestly say that this would probably drive me nuts........ waiting........ For myself I would have to figure out what was going on. Although I commend you if you have that patience to wait around, because I surely don't.

Like we have all said, this looks like an easy way out for him. My advice would be to either call him and get to the bottom of this...... or just start really evaluating your life without him, so that if he does decide to end the relationship, it won't be such a blow. Just my thoughts, take em or leave em.

 
Old 08-18-2001, 03:24 PM   #9
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Hawksworth HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

If a guy can't tell you after three years he's in love with you, he isn't. Sorry. Time to move on.

 
Old 08-18-2001, 07:47 PM   #10
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kingofthahouse HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

it means he wants you to stay home alone and not see anyone while he figures out if he wants you or the other girl he's f'ing right now....don't waste your life...find someone who will love you and never want to be away from you!

 
Old 08-22-2001, 06:36 PM   #11
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msamanda HB User
Re: For Guys from Girl

Hey there, I'm a female and I think I have an idea of what your going through... I am experiencing what you are- more or so I was experiencing that. I've been with my bf for 2.5 years now- we were each otheres first bf/gf..first everything. The first year we were inseperable, went to school together (1 year older) then he graduated and everything changed- the phone calls stopped cause he literally hates the phone- he realized I wasnt his whole world and wanted his friends- he wanted to be 19- party and have fun and I was stopping that. We broke up a month ago.. because he 'wasnt sure' if I was what he wanted or needed anymore- in truth I didnt even know him anymore- yet! he was the one calling me early the next day..crying.. he still isnt 100% sure that I'm the one for him.. which I dont blame him- how can you be 100% sure of your future? he lives for today and not tomorrow- I dont get mad if I dont get a phone call or a e-mail for a week- I know hes thinking of me and working tons- its the time that we spend together that make up for the missed phone calls that make it all worth it. He probably just may need time my dear- ive seen it with my boyfriend and his friends- who ever said "women are unstable creatures" should look at men- they are afraid of everything.. I know my boyfriend is afraid of growing up.. good luck!

 
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