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Old 11-17-2010, 03:46 PM   #1
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Is this girl flaking out on me?

I could be jumping the gun on this one, but I feel like I'm about to loose it and have some sort of break down so I need to write something.

On Halloween night I met this really nice, energetic, outgoing cute girl. The next day she starts texting me and asking me to come hang out with her and her friends, but I wasn't able to because I was with friends. So I told her to make up for it to let me take her to a movie the next weekend. And she seemed really excited about it and kept telling me that I better not flake out on her and made me promise her (but in a silly cute way) that I would take her to the movie next week. Next weekend came, and as promised i took her to the movie and then we hung out for a few hours after that and kissed at the end of the night.

Then again last weekend, told her I'd make her dinner at my house. Again she said she was excited. Made her dinner and talked for a while and she ended up spending the night. All the while she as at my house she was saying how she really likes me and that she hopes I'll let her stick around. Of course liking this girl I told her yeah I don't want her to go anywhere and that I really like her as well. Later that night she was texting me just saying hi and we just having a general conversation.

Next day I texted her something (I know, us young whippersnappers these days) about hanging out and she said jokingly "i hope you can make room in your schedule for me" to which I replied "I think i'll make room" and she said "as you should". Monday I called her to see if she wanted to get lunch somewhere but I got no answer. She called me back and said she'll have to take a raincheck and again was like I hope its soon type of thing.

Tuesday goes by and I didn't talk to her. Then today while i was on break in class I sent a text saying i hope she's having a good day. Few hours later never heard back and I happened to see her online, so I say hi. The conversation seemed to go well and all but I got the feeling she wasn't as enthusiastic to talk to me as in the past. Although this could just be my doubts.

What the problem is, is that now I'm afraid to try and start a conversation with the girl. I didn't hear from her Tuesday and had a short conversation with her today. I'm just worried that any more attempts at talking with her is going to make me seem desperate or something.

I'm just a really lonely guy and its funny literally the minute things start looking up for me again and a girl shows a strong interest in me, its all smashed just as fast as it started. Since breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over a year ago I've been rejected, lied to, and flaked out on too many times by too many girls for me to handle. I really feel like I'm going to loose it if this girl does it too. I could handle her saying she's not interested anymore, but to just start ignoring me isn't cool. I deserve at least an explanation so I know not to keep wasting my time and making a fool of myself.

What I want to know is if this sounds like a good idea. Tomorrow I can try calling her and asking if she wants to do anything this weekend. If I don't get any response then maybe Saturday I can ask her whats going on?

 
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Old 11-17-2010, 03:57 PM   #2
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

Hi,I'm sure everyone has gone through how you are feeling at some time or another...

Why not try this,tell her (or leave a message telling her)
that you've attempted to reach out several times and you see she is busy,so why doesn't she call YOU when she is able to get together.

It's possible she is just busy though.With all the technology of internet and texting, we tend to think we have access to people whenever we want.But if she does not get back to you,then it does sound like she is blowing you off.
If that is the case,then by all means tell her you don't appreciate it.No one respects a person who does not stand up for themselves.

 
Old 11-17-2010, 07:14 PM   #3
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

I'd let it go for a few days. It's only Wednesday and you talked to her yesterday. I think you should give her a couple of days to wonder where you are. See if she contacts you. Then maybe Friday give her a call (no lame text stuff!). I know you want to see her this weekend, but someone can't miss you if you're always there, if you get what I mean. Be a bit mysterious, and don't make it seem like you're already way into her, because it's too soon.

 
Old 11-19-2010, 08:30 AM   #4
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

So what if I call her today (Friday) and don't hear back from her? Do I try again tomorrow? This is kinda of the part where I get in trouble with most people. I never know how often to call someone or how long I should go between talking with them. I'm afraid of calling too much and not enough all at the same time.

One thing I also left out, and was actually the part that really kinda got me wondering. She is a photography major at school, and like most photo majors she has a "photo blog" where she basically just puts up all her pictures.
And on maybe Monday I was looking at the photos when I came across a recent text entry from her that said "I feel like I'm settling for this and I don't deserve it. And you especially don't." Now I have no idea who (if anyone) its directed towards or what its about, but based off previous experiences with girls my brain is telling me its about me. And that somehow over the course of two days she went from really liking me and having me promise to hang out with her to not talking at all.

 
Old 11-19-2010, 10:07 AM   #5
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

IMHO if you call someone and leave a message and they don't call you back, then that's your answer. It really shouldn't be that hard to figure out! For whatever reason...it really doesn't matter what it is, she doesn't want to date you anymore. Sorry but what other conclusion would you come to? If she's playing hard to get then she's just playing games and who needs that! If you keep calling and calling and texting and texting with no reply then you just will come across as being desperate and clingy.

 
Old 11-19-2010, 11:07 AM   #6
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

i think you shouldnt bother with her anyway as i think it is ignorant and heartless to just ignore somebody rather than been grown up about it and tell them whats really going on. how do you know that if you two end up in a relationship wether you could trust her or not. i sure wouldnt. if she is busy then it doesnt take much to just send a simple text to say so or if not interested to just tell you. its not fair on you. when people are busy they ALWAYS have time at some point in the day just just send a text. even if they are about to go to sleep its easy to just send it. anyway....i know you like her and i know she means alot to you but to be honest i don't think she wants a relationship and no offense but texting/calling all the time she will see that as 'pestering' her and drives people furthur away than they already are. don't contact her at all. see what happens. thats what my mum always used to tell me. she said ''let them wonder what your upto'' ''they might think ooohhh she/he not contacted me whats going on he/she might found someone else'' ''oh there not chasing me i miss them''.....ive taken my mums advice a few times and it brought them back BUT it doesnt work for everyone. time will tell. give it a try for nothing. if she doesnt come back then its time you moved on and least you can find someone who is well into you not off with you.

 
Old 11-19-2010, 01:45 PM   #7
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

Well if it turns out she's for whatever reason not ineterested anymore its not a huge loss for me. At least I didnt have a lot invested into her.

But what I do want to do is ask her whats up. If I decide to call her today and don't hear back for a day or so I've already decided to ask her whats going on. The many times this has happened to me in the past I've just let it go because I don't want things to be awkward for the times I randomly run into them on campus. This time though I want to know whats going on and why she couldn't just tell me she wasn't interested. I've only known her a couple weeks, I mean its not like I'm going to start crying over her. I feel like I at least deserve that, the least she could do is save me from looking like an idiot and risk coming across like I'm desperate.

 
Old 11-19-2010, 02:12 PM   #8
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

It seems you were way too into her. Cooking dinner for her on a date this early, telling her you were really into her and all that. Just play it cool next time with a woman.

Do not, in any cirumstance, get back in touch with her. She made it clear she is not interested. Frankly, you should just shrug it off and forget about her. None of this nonsense about how you "feel you derserve better". You just met her and it didn't work out. Chalk it to an experience and nothing more. This way you won't look ("feel") an idiot or desperate at all.

 
Old 11-19-2010, 02:56 PM   #9
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giant_Squid View Post
I'm just a really lonely guy and its funny literally the minute things start looking up for me again and a girl shows a strong interest in me, its all smashed just as fast as it started.
This is what jumped out at me, at the end of your post. I think you're being way too aggressive, and coming on too strong. Just the fact that you're here hashing out every little detail says a lot. Sit back, relax, chill.... Let things run their course.

That said, I know how hard this can be. I'm now married with a child, but it doesn't seem all that long ago that I was on the dating scene (actually, it was like 8+ years ago, but time flies). It can be excruciating to know if, when or how to contact the person, what to say, are you saying the right thing... When you do find the right person, it won't matter all that much. Trust me on that one.

 
Old 11-20-2010, 02:13 AM   #10
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

Yeah...I'm gonna have to jump on the bandwagon of not calling her again.
I do think she is pretty immature for not at least giving you a reason or telling you she's not interested though.No one likes to tell someone that,but it certainly is rude and heartless to leave someone just hanging.

Maybe if you do run into her though you could say something jokingly or sarcastic like, "Hey! I remember you".
But the guys are right about not coming off as desperate at this point.

 
Old 11-20-2010, 05:29 PM   #11
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

Heeey! Calm down mister!

Maybe I've got this wrong but you were asking if you should call her and what you should do if she doesn't return your call. From what you've told us, she didn't respond to your text on Tuesday.

So did you call her? I hope you did. You obviously like her so I hope you went for what you want. Nothing wrong with giving her a call.

Also, take things slow - it's only been a couple of dates. You're just getting to know each other. Relax. Enjoy it.

When me and my ex broke up many years ago, I was a little stressed and strung up when dating for a while afterwards. Then I decided to stay single and not date for around a year. It may seem like a long time, but I needed that time to feel comfortable in my own skin again - to gain my self esteem again, to pursue the things I love in life, to grow strong.

Now I'm dating again - I'm far more confident and relaxed.

Remember, not every girl you like the look of is right for you. It'll try a fair few dates to get to the right one.

Good luck.

 
Old 11-20-2010, 10:08 PM   #12
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scribbler128 View Post
Heeey! Calm down mister!

Maybe I've got this wrong but you were asking if you should call her and what you should do if she doesn't return your call. From what you've told us, she didn't respond to your text on Tuesday.

Also, take things slow - it's only been a couple of dates. You're just getting to know each other. Relax. Enjoy it.

When me and my ex broke up many years ago, I was a little stressed and strung up when dating for a while afterwards. Then I decided to stay single and not date for around a year. It may seem like a long time, but I needed that time to feel comfortable in my own skin again - to gain my self esteem again, to pursue the things I love in life, to grow strong.

Now I'm dating again - I'm far more confident and relaxed.

Remember, not every girl you like the look of is right for you. It'll try a fair few dates to get to the right one.

Good luck.
Well despite what the previous few posts said to do, I went with what someone said on the first page and I called her last night. She didn't answer the phone but I did get a text back from her saying she was at work but asked me what was up. I just told her I was saying hi and seeing what she was up to, and she responded to that but we didn't say much more since she was at work.

And I don't mean for it to seem like I'm way into this girl. I like her but I'm not loosing sleep over her. I'm more or less just really confused and frustrated since I've never had to do the "dating" thing before. I'm not use to any of this assuming its normal to encounter situations like this. I've only had two girlfriends in my life and both came after me very aggressively, I didn't have to try at all with either of them. They just fell in my lap.
Quote:
So did you call her? I hope you did. You obviously like her so I hope you went for what you want. Nothing wrong with giving her a call.
Yeah, like I said I called her. Its funny in high school I had no problem calling girls I liked on the phone, texting didn't really exist then either, and I would do it just about every day. No one ever called me desperate or annoying then, why is it now I feel like all I do is annoy people?

Last edited by Giant_Squid; 11-20-2010 at 10:08 PM.

 
Old 11-21-2010, 11:54 AM   #13
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

Because in high school, girls place their value on how many calls they got from guys. I know I did. If a guy called me it meant I was popular and it made me feel good. When you get older, if you've matured at all, it isn't as important to try to be the cool girl that all the guys call. You are more looking to find someone to date (not necessarily for a relationship) and you are wanting to be a bit more selective. Plus, older girls realize that it's really easy for a guy to think you are into him if you talk to him a lot (I've had that happen when all I did was be polite to a guy).

I've read your posts before and you do tend to extremely overanalyze every little step and every little conversation, etc. You keep saying you're not all that into this girl and you are not losing sleep, but your actions and your posts show otherwise. If this is how you behave when you are not that into a girl, how do you act when you are? If I were on the receiving end of all of this attention and overanalyzing, I would conclude that the guy was way into me and I'd respond based on whether or not I felt the same. And if I didn't, I'd keep communication at a minumum.

 
Old 12-01-2010, 01:20 AM   #14
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

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Originally Posted by bibimbap View Post
Because in high school, girls place their value on how many calls they got from guys. I know I did. If a guy called me it meant I was popular and it made me feel good. When you get older, if you've matured at all, it isn't as important to try to be the cool girl that all the guys call. You are more looking to find someone to date (not necessarily for a relationship) and you are wanting to be a bit more selective. Plus, older girls realize that it's really easy for a guy to think you are into him if you talk to him a lot (I've had that happen when all I did was be polite to a guy).

I've read your posts before and you do tend to extremely overanalyze every little step and every little conversation, etc. You keep saying you're not all that into this girl and you are not losing sleep, but your actions and your posts show otherwise. If this is how you behave when you are not that into a girl, how do you act when you are? If I were on the receiving end of all of this attention and overanalyzing, I would conclude that the guy was way into me and I'd respond based on whether or not I felt the same. And if I didn't, I'd keep communication at a minumum.
I can see what you're saying with overanalyzing things. Part of it is that I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this sort of stuff in my personal life, so it all ends up getting dumped into an internet forum anytime i'm confused or troubled about something (yes, its sad I know). The other part is that by nature I am a very descriptive person, I do it in all aspects of my life and I can't really help it, its not just girl trouble.

But since then I haven't heard from or tried to contact this girl at all. I'm fine with it, I guess whats bothering me more isn't the girl, its just the whole situation. I don't like it when things can't be explained and I guess i'm just looking for a reason, whether its there or not.

 
Old 12-01-2010, 08:31 AM   #15
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Re: Is this girl flaking out on me?

i think its time to move on now

 
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