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Old 12-14-2010, 09:24 PM   #1
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Unhappy Just found out my girlfriend might be planning on cheating.

hey; thanks for any responses in advance.
My girlfriend came over today, and left her phone at my house, i decided to go through her inbox on facebook and i found something really shocking, she had been messaging her ex, we have been going out for almost 8months now, and she went out with this guy about a year ago, she claims that she hates him, but when i read these messages, he is asking if she would root him, she said "maybe xx" and then he goes on to ask ?where would we root? we should meet up" she said "preferably my room, i'm on holidays now, so i have a lot of free time"

... what should i do? confront her about it? what do i say? if anything, i dont want us to break up but i don't want this to go on

thanks again.

Last edited by pat74u; 12-14-2010 at 09:24 PM.

 
Old 12-15-2010, 05:48 AM   #2
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Re: Just found out my girlfriend might be planning on cheating.

why did you look through her inbox? did you suspect something before you checked it? some people say its wrong to look through peoples things but i think if somethings going on i don't think its bad to check because if that person says ''your been sneaky looking through my things'' and because you have found something you could say ''well you been sending sneaky texts to your ex'' ....sometimes we need to do some research to find answers!!! i think you should confront her ask her what she is playing at....maybe end the relationship because shes not in to you that much she wants him too best of both worlds you deserve better. i would walk away if it was me but its up to you.

 
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Old 12-15-2010, 07:06 AM   #3
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Re: Just found out my girlfriend might be planning on cheating.

It doesn't really seem like this relationship is going anywhere. You were in the wrong going through her personal stuff behind her back and she was in the wrong by sending those messages and planning to meet up and cheat with her ex.

Finding those messages doesn't justify your actions. There is no trust here, and there is also possible cheating. Why would you want to continue with this relationship?

 
Old 12-15-2010, 07:09 AM   #4
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Re: Just found out my girlfriend might be planning on cheating.

I wouldn't say anything. I would go on about my business and be extra cautious about her actions. It may seem hard to keep your emotions from getting in the way and blowing your cover, but this is what I would do. It is alot easier to spot something when you know it is happening in the first place and then you can anticipate it.

I won't say that I haven't done the same thing myself - checking tracks - but it has been done to me as well. I won't say I agree with it, but if you want the truth it is there - whether you want to see it or not.

I would wait, and I would try to find a spot to best catch her in the act before I accused. If she doesn't know you looked through her phone and you bring it up, she is going to deny it anyway. Especially if you don't mention you looked through it. Further more, it will only set her into caution mode and she will refrain from continuing the activity because she knows you might think something is up. And then she will wonder why you even mentioned it too.

It's obviously a reason to split, but I would wait until I caught her red handed. That way she will know the consenquences of her actions better and not have the opportunity to leave you first. If she is messing around with him, she probably doesn't really value the relationship she has with you - as has already been said - and it will eventually end anyway probably.

I've been in the same situation before many times, and you become more aware of spotting the signs with experience. My first relationship was a total wash because I was so caught up in believeing it would never happen. Turns out it was happening all along and quite frequently. I never noticed until somone brought it to my attention. All the signs were there, I just didn't see because I was so nuts about her. I look back now and laugh at how dumb I was then.

 
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Old 12-16-2010, 12:28 AM   #5
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Re: Just found out my girlfriend might be planning on cheating.

i know it wasn't right of me to check through her inbox, but i did know that she had been inboxing other people as well, and i was just curious, and too find that, well. i don't know how to react, and now i think im in the situation where i don't believe it could happen, that she would do such a thing.

i guess i'll wait it out, see if i can catch her out, or just somehow get her to go through her inbox with me, and then i'll be like ooh whats that, instead of just accusing her, and losing all trust she has with me and the relationship.

but its so hard to not think about it, everytime i think about her, that comes with it, and i just dont want to bring it up, because i might lose her, i know it would seem foolish of me from others point of view, and i will look back on it like that, but i just dont want either of us to get hurt by it :/

 
Old 12-16-2010, 05:54 AM   #6
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Re: Just found out my girlfriend might be planning on cheating.

Your gf inboxing other people is still not an excuse to go through her private stuff. You say you don't want to break her trust by telling her, but what about your trust of her?

She was not only trying to meet up with her ex to sleep with him, she's also been lying to you about hating him. She wouldn't be messaging him and planning to sleep with him if she hated him.

Seems to me you're already being hurt by this. This will not go away easily. This will cloud your relationship from now on.

Confronting her probably won't help, she most likely will blow it off and say it was a joke, just messing around, and she wasn't planning on taking it any further.

You've only been together 8 months. This doesn't say much about the possible longevity of your relationship. You should consider walking away before you have even more invested in this.

 
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