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Old 12-25-2010, 10:50 AM   #1
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worst christmas day ever. so sad

as you recently know i have walked away from my family (still talking to dad though) but not everyone else so obviously i am not at family partys today. also my boyfriend has told me he likes christmas day to be by himself he said he has liked that for years which i understand if thats his preferances but even at home i feel pushed out i stayed in bed longer today as i didnt want to face today woke up at 4pm and i came in the living room and my boyfriend didnt even say ''hi'' and didnt even look at me. so i sat down and thought i'd go on the internet and i turned to him and said ''hows your day been'' and he said ''same as always'' in a really moody tone of voice and when i was telling him about me speaking to my dad on phone earlier he wouldnt look at me wouldnt talk back to me so i said ''how come your not talking to me'' he said ''not in mood'' i said ''why'' he said ''just not''....the thing i am upset about is that its my 1st christmas away from my family and he knows i have been depressed about it, you would think a supportive boyfriend would try and make it special for us two or at LEAST talk to me or just to make me feel welcomed rather than ''oh wish you werent here'' sort of attitude, he also said last night ''prefer it if you wasnt here'' but then said to his friends ''i'll be doing nothing tomorrow so if you guys get bored after family christmas partys you can all come here if you want''. hes got a right grumpy look on his face and i feel like no one wants me around my family dont care even though they started the world war 3 in our family which resulted in me so hurt i had to walk away. i was so hurt i didnt even want to be on this planet anymore but i have slighly got my mind off thinking that way as i am trying to be strong for me.

update from what i wrote last (above)...i went to hug my boyfriend and i said ''i understand that todays abit crap because you wanted to be alone on christmas day but you know i wouldnt of been here if my family hadnt of upset me lately'' his response ''just because your christmas is ruined does not mean mine has to be'' ...i dont really understand the need for him to say that as i have just been telling him i understand he said it so cruelly aswell. i understand today might be crap for him but its not no walk in the park for me either and i do not deserve him to be rude and ignorant to me all day. i have spent the last few days in tears , barely eating, barely sleeping as i have been hurt how my family have treat me and brings up memorys in my mind about all the past hurt they have caused me aswell so a loving boyfriend would be nice to me at least.

this is starting to question my relationship now. i am not sure if i want it anymore now. and by the way its not only just been christmas time that hes been off with me , hes been very different with me for ages claiming he is fine and reasurring me that he still loves me and wants me but treats me like i dont even exist or like he doesnt want me around. been giving him space as much as i can but its hard when friends dont live near, nor does family not that i'd want to see them anyway but it all costs money to go see them, and they won't travel because they have no money with having to do christmas shopping etc...feel trapped and feel like moving on. my boyfriend spends his whole life on his games console aswell its getting boring. maybe i should just go. i'm considering it.

Last edited by cryingforever; 12-25-2010 at 12:34 PM. Reason: more to the story........

 
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Old 12-25-2010, 02:02 PM   #2
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

cryingforever: This is a relationship headed for disaster. He seems very immature and naive. He must have had something happen in his past that makes him feel like he does.

If you don't want a future like this then I'd say move on and find someone that truly cares about you, someone that you can make a good, clean start with. You need someone that's going to love you no matter what.

Sometimes men just don't think straight and don't think about others feelings and are self-centered and ignorant. I wouldn't put up with this. It's emotional abuse, don't let it get to physical and don't bring a child into this either.

 
Old 12-26-2010, 03:57 PM   #3
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

ok so i held my head up high and went to a family dinner today and then went over to there friends i had a lovely time i was determined i was not going to let my mother/brother ruin everything for me i have done nothing wrong so i dont see why i should stay away so i held my head high and went. didnt speak to my brother hardly at all but just glad he left me alone as i cant stand him, i spoke to my mum we actually had a laugh about a present that she got me and she did a little joke thing in it but i am still fuming at my mum for the way she treat me the other day. i got to see my dad and grandma them 2 are the main reason i went as i wanted to see my dad and grandma. i got some lovely gifts and this whole experience has made my eyes open and realise to grab any happyness ,create brilliant memorys and get all my problems sorted out in 2011. i am seeing a therapist soon, i am nearly debt free only got a little bit to go, i am determined to get a job and work very hard to make a very stable strong future and life for myself i am applying for college aswell. 2011 is going to be my year full of working damn hard to rebuild my life etc. thank you to anyone whos read my story and the poster who responded. onwards and upwards. happy christmas and i hope you all have a happy new year make some fresh starts people get rid of anyone that is bringing you down, make a success of your life, be happy! x

 
Old 12-26-2010, 05:58 PM   #4
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

It sounds like you have a good plan, push forward and let yourself determine your emotional circumstances and not others' behavior determine it.
I agree that your boyfriend sounds extremely insecure and it would probably help you immensely to move on and work on your future and then eventually a good man. I wish you the best!
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Old 12-27-2010, 08:38 AM   #5
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

He wouldn't eve speak to you on Christmas day? And told you he wished you weren't there, and told you that you being there was ruining his Chrismas, yet he invited all his friends over. So, it's not that he wanted to be alone on Christmas, he just didn't want to be around YOU. What a loser. This guy is not contributing anything good or positive to your life. He's only serving to make you feel worse about yourself and your life. the truth is, after the initial hurt, you'll be much happier without him.

Even though you didn't say it, it sounds like you have decided to leave him, at least that's the impression you left with your last post. I hope so. That would be a very smart move. This guy may love you, but he's so horribly BAD at loving you that it doesn't really matter whether he loves you or not. Love isn't supposed to hurt, and it sure as heck isn't supposed to make you feel abandoned, unsupported and unloved and unwanted.

Be smart and dump this loser and start the year fresh.

 
Old 12-27-2010, 10:27 AM   #6
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

yes i am trying to find my own place at the moment as hes drove me away alot lately and it hurt too. i do think it was cruel of him and i am having trouble forgiving him so i am moving out as soon as possible and focusing on my own life. i feel very positive about 2011 to just focus on my future i am going to fill it with friends, college, career many good things. yes he is a loser. i dont understand why he didnt want me there he says he likes christmas to himself but i dont think so some how.

 
Old 12-28-2010, 08:49 AM   #7
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

It sounds very much like someone that is just wanting to make excuses to get you to leave him alone. No one that I have ever met would want to be alone on Christmas. That is a day to share with all the ones you love and give love back. He is a loser and I would leave him right away. Don't look back once you make your move. It seems that you have a great plan and hope you carry it out. Year 2011 will and could be a great success in your life. Keep your head high and continue through with it. The hurt of leaving your boyfriend will take some time to get over, but seems that you are strong and can make it.

Congrats on going to your family dinner also. I know that had to be really hard for you also. At least you can also make mends there too. Family is always thicker than water and always remember that. No matter what our parents do to us we will always need them in our lives. Do your best to give it some time and take small steps on mending things and you will see that that too will be a success. I wish you lots of luck and happiness with it all. Keep your head high and hang in there.

 
Old 12-28-2010, 09:55 AM   #8
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

Does not sound like much of a boyfriend if he can't even interact with you when you're feeling down. On Christmas no less.

It doesn't take a crystal ball to see what your future with this guy would be like.

 
Old 12-28-2010, 01:51 PM   #9
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

i have walked away from my family and my boyfriend. the abuse from family has got worse. i have ended my relationship i can't be bothered with him or them anymore. thanks everyone for your support

 
Old 12-28-2010, 03:30 PM   #10
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

I'm so sorry that all this is happening to you.. Yet you have made very positive plans and plans are a good thing!

I come from a toxic and dysfunctional family so I understand the hurts that come along with that.. It took me years and lots of therapy to learn how to deal with my family, one of the reasons I moved away.. And I'm older than you.. Darn, 54!

I had to learn to accept my family for what they were and never expect them to change, the only person I could change was myself.. And so it is with you.. Acceptance was the hardest part for me and learning not to expect anything because I would set myself up only to get hurt again.. It was like a vicious cycle and the only person that could put a stop to it was myself.. Not play their immature games and fall into their traps..

I hope you don't see this guy again, he is toxic for you but I think you know this already in your heart.. Stick to your plans, be strong, and please keep up updated, okay? We are here for you..

Lots of hugs!!
Sunny

 
Old 12-28-2010, 04:28 PM   #11
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thank you sunnyrise for your reply. sorry you had a diffacult time with family aswell it is so hard because we love them but can't stand them at same time and long to be a close happy family. i agree acceptance is the key , i do not want to know them until i see my therapist to work on ME i am taking myself away from them till i get myself happy, confident again. i feel quite excited about 2011 i call it the 'recovery year' and it will be as i am giving my all power to repair the damage from all the hell over the years. sometimes i feel like i am losing my head though but after a good cry and a vent then all's good after lol. i KNOW 100% my family will never change and will always be cold hearted mean people, i often think my family enjoy drama becaus they love to gossip and bitc* about people , i think also that because i am the most maturist out of my whole family and i am the kind of black sheep by avoiding them and not seeing them much i think that makes me an easy target for bullying and talk of gossip. i am a much better person than them and will always be. heres a few examples of my familys cruel ways ...i fell pregnant and i lost the baby, mum phones me up and asks me if i lost the baby i tell her yes and she LAUGHS yes your reading right she LAUGHED and said ''well it was for the best'' my mum did that cruel thing because she was jealous to death that i can be a mum and that she could never be (shes infertile and adopted me and my brother aged 1, brother 2). i said nothing back to her i came off the phone and cried and cried and cried for days...now hes my brothers cruel nasty comments that i recieved today ''you have been prank calling my phone your a lieing jealous slu* and your dead to me, and ha ha ha you can't have kids of your own because your babies died who would want a mother like you and your riddled with diseases which has resulted in you been infertile and you cling to your boyfriends 2 kids''....all that because he was awful to me over christmas because apparently i was 'pranking his mobile phone' even though i had no credit and he texted me yesterday trying to talk to me having the nerv to text and ask ''have you been having dizzy spells the past few days i feel ill'' ...hes got a nerv after the sh** hes put me through over 'prank calls' that i have not even done so i told him straight i finally snapped and texted back and said ''i do not want to know you , you are bully go away''...so then i got the abusive text today. i ended up lowering myself to his level for once and stood up to him and sent him a text back with some home truths and i think its bothered him because he has left me alone since.

another time i will NEVER forgive or forget , i was at home another time miscarrying another baby and my brother rang me and kept ringing and he KNEW i was miscarrying as my mum told him this is the 2nd miscarriage and so he kept ringing to ask me about opening times of a library and i texted him saying ''cant answer phone at moment ring tomorrow'' so he didnt get his own way abusive texts come through ''your a lying slu* your not even pregnant your an attention seeking whor* you just cant be ars** answering the phone the lows you will stoop to get attention by making up your losing a baby''....all that because i didnt answer my phone. hes stole from me, told lies about me , treat me like dirt and bullied and he does it to my mum and dad but because they want to see there grandchild they kiss his backside. hes a failure of a father. he once for a month was drug dealing and put the drugs UNDER my nephews cot. evil pure evil. all my family. dads not so bad but he doesnt stand up to mum and he doesnt do enough. hes also said some pretty hurtful things in the past like ''you will never get a proper job becase your not bright so you might aswell just do a cleaning job which is simple'' i was telling him about a job interview i had and i proved him so wrong because i took care of elderly people and it was hard work and challenging i also looked after animals in a kennels and cattery i also worked on a till and in a call centre and each of my previous jobs i was good at and i kind of work for myself NOW from home. anyway thats only a brief bit about my family the list goes on and on but i dont have time to type it all up my wrists are aching now hehe! :-)

and.....i can have children so have not got a clue what my brothers talking about unless he has super special eyes that can view my insides and view my ovary eggs etc...lol...anyway i am using contraception aswell. diseases? hmmm dont have a clue where he got that from aswell. strange person

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-24-2011 at 04:38 PM. Reason: Posts merged.

 
Old 12-28-2010, 11:20 PM   #12
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

It kind of sounds to me like your brother has some sort of mental illness. I'm not a mental health professional, but it seems to go way beyond typical sibling rivalry, or even beyond cruel. He's troubled, and the drugs he' s most likely doing will only make it worse.

I don't blame you for wanting to separate from these people. It's so unfortunate when we don't get to have our family, but sad to say, it's just not always possible. I'm not as close to my family as I'd like, some good dysfunction going on there, but you're right, you can't make people love you in a way they just don't know how to or don't want to, but you have to work on not taking it personally. You be the best you that you know how to be, a good person, respectful, hard working, etc etc etc and if they have a problem with you, it's their problem, not yours. Hang tough.

 
Old 12-29-2010, 01:13 AM   #13
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hi thank you for your reply larry ! yes i have thought many many times that he has some mental health problem the way he gets deluded etc...he also tells alot of lies and makes up storys which he KNOWS you know the truth and he convinces himself things have really happened. its like he says something alot then it becomes real in side his mind but futhur down the line tells you something else completely changes his story and he doesnt even realise or if he does he doesnt care.

i have mental health issues also and i have asked him many times to go see a doctor, i am having a very bad mental breakdown at the moment and desperate to see my new therapist but i have to wait . anyway, his comment that i got earlier he put ''you was prank calling me and you lie about it that makes you 2 faced and your plan didnt work out''....i was thinking ..eh what plan? plan to do what? pranking his mobile phone to achieve what exactly? he says it like by me pranking his mobile phone i am some how trying to PLAN to get him out of the family. now thats very deluded and i dont understand what makes him think he is so special that i would use my time to 'prank' call him. its ridiculious. i have never done it in my life and dont think i am going to start doing it now seen as i am 24 and a mature girl for my age, i do not argue, i do not bitc* and gossip, i do not take drugs, i do not ''prank'' people, i do not smoke and i do not even drink a drop of alcohol. people who know me properly know i am too mature to play childish games. my brother treats me like shi* through out the year but soon as it gets close to christmas day he kicks off big time over absolutely nothing ...like if i dont answer my phone, or if my mum or dad phone me first, or if i have gone for dinner at my parents house and he wasnt there, or if my mum cuts my hair before christmas before he gets his done he gets VERY nasty over silly little things. its like HE doesnt want me in the family anymore but its tuff shi*. he makes me laugh sometimes because he also texts and adds in the text ''mum said this about ya, dad said that about ya'' and he'll say ''mum loves only me , not you'' ''mums and dads all about me not you'' , or ''i am the favourite and i will always be''....and i swear down dead these texts come from absolutely no where. on a typical day i am just going about my day cleaning the house or doing shopping and my phone goes off beep beep ...says ''antony sent you a text'' open it up and ABUSE and i often look at it for ten minutes in complete shock because its so wierd and un-normal. by the way he doesnt drug deal anymore and i must say that is one good thing about him he doesnt do drugs anymore.

i have often wondered wether HE is desperate to be mature like me but can't do it and is jealous or angry that he can't manage it. i just don't understand him at all. i have supported him, loved him, forgave him but he just treats me like dirt all the time. he doesnt even know how much i care about him heres the story of how much i cared...my mum and dad kicked me out for been a lazy stroppy teenager and running up phone bills and i was 16 and i went into a hostel, my brother was in same hostel and he got a flat and begged me to live with him. he was a alcoholic druggy at the time. the courts said that he had to pay a fine for something and if he didnt stick to a regular payment plan then he was to be put in prison and because he spent his money on drink and drugs I paid the stupid fines for him to keep him out of prison, he also stole from me alot of money aswell, and i lost my money (i was on benefits -jobseekers -unemploment money at the this point) and we had no money and nothing.

i tried hard to get a job but i didnt even get one single interview offer anyway so we was in extreme poverty my brother as per usual spent his unemployment money on drink and drugs so me and my friend worked as prostitutes for a week or two to get money for survival i was 16 years old supporting my brother. he still to this day does not know about it. that is my secret shame but i was desperate. i then got a job working at a local takeaway fast food place and they said they would pay me but they never did so i worked for food and brought food home for my brother, then i went to jobcentre and got my unemployment benefits sorted out. sorry to ramble on just wanted to explain more about my brother and the misery he causes. also another he has lived in many propertys but where ever he goes and lives he ends up with the neighbours and whole street hating him because he is a nasty person. he pushes people away and uses them and his girlfriend is the same thats why not one of them has any friends not even one. they have deliberately made new friends in the past gone to there partys and then stole there phones, money, jewellery then never go back and change there mobile phone numbers. there both evil. and my parents arent that great either, my mum is cold and heartless alot of the time and my dad is too much of a wimp to stand up to my mum and has said a few hurtful comments in his time but nothing major. i love my dad, mum and brother but i am starting to feel hatred towards mum and brother. i will always love my dad hes a good man when hes not around my mum at the time. he finds it diffacult been in the middle as he wants to be there for his wife and his kids.

Larry, i am sorry you have had to go through family troubles aswell. its like the words 'family' means nothing to people anymore. i thought family was about loving eachother, caring, support etc...seems to not exist anymore because too many people are having diffacultys with there familys and it is very sad to hear. the thing that bothers me people (family members or partners) who treat there 'loved ones' like crap NEVER think ..well i should appreciate this person because i love them and care about them and they will not be around forever. many times i have heard about people dying or ending there lifes and people regret treating them like crap and say things like ''if only i had listened to them''...or ''if only i told them i loved them''...or ''they died feeling like i didnt care and i'll never get the chance to tell them i am sorry thats it gone forever i hate myself for treating them like crap''...i hear these comments ALOT. why is it that people change or are 'sorry' when people/things have gone why can't they love and respect them when they are around. annoys me.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-24-2011 at 04:40 PM.

 
Old 12-29-2010, 10:44 AM   #14
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

Hi crying, I am so sorry to hear about your family, boyfriends and miscarriages. I have fertility issues, and trust me i know how hard a miscarriage can be. And to hear that your mother laughed? (Don't chalk it up to an infertile woman thing... Infertilty doesn't make us bad people, but laughing at someone who is haivng a miscarriage, that makes a very mean person)

I think that one post you said that you are going to make 2011 a recovery year was the best post ever. I could hear how excited and happy you were to take your life back into your own hands. Do it. Go back to college (even a community college or online) and get certiifed for something you really love and want to do. Take courses for fun (ie food presentation, dance, art, music, personal accounting, make up) whatever floats your boat. Youll find that you will learn about somethign you like, but more importantly....about yourself. With time and therapy, yu will love yourself even more.

And then you can find someone who adores you and respects you- and you love them. Someone who will not only want to spend Christmas with you, but someone who will want to spend ALL their Christmasses with you.

Maybe stay close to one or two family meembers, if you can stand any, like your dad or gran, I think you said. even if it's a cool, "Nice weather we're having" kind of relationship.but that's your call.

Good luck, cryingForever. Please stick to your plan, don't get bogged down by people who will only tell you "You can't". Take back your life. May it be that by this time next year, your name will be "SmilingForever".

PS. even if you did have a disease and couldn't have kids- there are loads of procedures and alternative medicine that could fix that, and even if you didn't, that wouldn't make you less of a woman. did your family ever think that the stress they put you under is the cause of the miscarriages? That you miscarried because of THEM? If you choose to get pregannt again (down the road, with a nice, supportive bf who actually loes you), don't tell your family until you are past the 12 week mark and you have been told that the fetus is healthy.

 
Old 12-29-2010, 12:45 PM   #15
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Re: worst christmas day ever. so sad

thank you for your reply and lovely encouraging words. i must go to the 'disease' thing lol, basically i HAD sexually transmitted diseases for about 2-3 week my ex boyfriend cheated on me many times and passed them to me and got the std's cured it was ghonoreoha and chylmidia however you spell it lol...that was a long long time ago (my ex ran off with another woman i was single for 6 month and then met my current boyfriend who i been with for a year and half or just short of a year and half). i have been pregnant since the diseases got cured so its pretty obvious i can have kids lol. i do however have PCOS which is annoying but i been pregnant 4 times so my fertility ain't that bad. Anyway yes i totally agree with you to make my 2011 full of recovery, fun, happiness, finding something i can be proud of i WILL do it. i can't wait to get my own place aswell abit of independence woo hoo. sorry to hear you have fertility issues aswell its a real downer isn't it , you feel like not a real woman well i used to do anyway. when i get pregnant again in years time when i am settled and stable i won't be telling my family till i am a few months gone. i'll keep in contact with dad and gran. :-) thanks again kind supportive words and so unlifting.

 
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