i've been with my g/f for just over a year now, she has a 3 yr old to her ex who was in prison when we met. he was a regular drug user but she was not. he was released some 6 weeks ago and since then i am becoming increasingly paranoid. he treated her so badly during their 7 yr relationship, but now, if he rings, she drops everything to go and take him wherever he wants to go, right now she is taking him to the post office, its bank holiday monday!!
i do trust her completely and i know that she doesnt have a malicious bone in her body, so why am i suddenly having paranoid thoughts, its very debilitating and i need to get this under control, i am fully aware how distructive it can be.
i'm not sure why i'm posting on here, maybe i just need some support, any help greatly appreciated
It's tough when the ex is around and especially since you know he will be around for their child.
I don't think your girlfriend is handling the situation that well in regards to your relationship. The thing is that you need to communicate to her your feelings regarding how she's handling it. She might not know what she's doing is hurting you or even aware of how she is handling things.
Also, why does she need to take him places? Doesn't he have anyone else? What type of role is she planning on having with him in regards of their child? Why doesn't she tell him no?
In my opinion (which is just that and nothing more), I think that you're in a crazy situation. From the sounds of things, he might try to prevent her from being happy and interfere with that. You have to be SUPER careful because he also might be capable of something terrible if he's the possessive type. It really doesn't seem that she's over him but then again you would know that more.
The question is whether this type of relationship is worth the risk of your happiness/heart and well being.
i think i would be worried if i had a boyfriend who dropped everything for the ex and took ex everywhere. why can't he go to post office himself? hmmm post offices are closed today so i find it hard to believe theres one special post office open just for him. talk to her.
me aswell thinthis is a bit weired!
you are in one sticky situation! if i was in your shoes i would confront her and ask her what her feelings for him are! if she says nothing then you have to tell her that she cnt just drop everything when he wants to be taken somewhere!
you need to let her know how your feeling! because if you dont then its just goin to keep happening!
if he is the possessive type then you do need to be carful becayse they can be dangrous especially if he's on drugs!
just make your feelings heard!
Last edited by Mod-S4; 12-27-2010 at 07:58 PM.
Reason: Please type using full words not internet short forms and slangs. Thanks.
hi guys and thanx for the responses, i'll try and fill you in a little more, yeaterday she took him to the post office, but it was only to use a post office type cash machine, i got that slightly wrong. The fact still remains though, that she just can't say no and i don't mean just to the ex, to anyone, she really is that sort of person, the do anything for anyone type, which is one of the reasons i love her in the first place. I did say to her when she came back that she had to learn to say no, especially to him, but she just doesn't want to discuss it in case we argue. As you know he was in prison til recently, we don't live together and so the question of christmas came up. She decided to take her son to have xmas dinner with his dad and nan instead of with us, which i understand to a degree, because her son is 3 and has never had a xmas dinner with his dad until this year because of his imprisonment or drug taking. i know that at the moment he is not on any drugs, but if past history is anything to go by, he soon will be.
I also know she is a bit scared of him because he is a bit of a hothead when he can't get his own way, so i think she may well be just be giving in to keep the peace. She insists that she's over him, they split in feb 2009 when he ended the relationship. We got together in oct 2009.
What i am having trouble with now is that i am becoming distrusting of her, even though i know nothing is going on, but she is a bit insensitive towards me sometimes. For example, she was at home last week, just her and her son, she txt message her ex at 10.45pm to call round before he went home, i saw this txt and asked her why she had sent it, she said that she didnt realise it was that time and it was only to ask him about the following days arrangements for the ex to collect her son, it could have waited til the following morning! then there was the one a few days ago which read, really sorry, your gonna have to tell ?????? i cant do it, not tomight, normally i'd drop everything and run, sorry x. and yep thats a kiss on the end!
So that was a mate of his who had wanted a lift somewhere, with the ex. The reason she said no was she was ill with tonsilitis and flu, but had she been well she would have taken them.
Its got to the point where i am sneakily checking her phone, even though i don't normally find anything, and to be fair i am usually wrong when i become suspicious of things. What i need is to restore the trust i had and somehow stop these horrible thoughts that i keep having about her with him, If i can't i know it will ultimately end the relationship, she says she gets really upset when she feels i don't trust her.
Sorry for waffling a bit but i really need to stop what i'm doing and get back to how we were.
alot of people put 'x' on the end of a text it does not mean anything at all. its like a habit. anyway, i am sensing that you don't want him in your two's life but its only my opinion. he will always be in her life as they have a child together. need to accept it. she sounds a really nice person who does anything for anyone , soft hearted and i don't think she wants him back i think its just that they have to be friends for the childs sake. trust her.
Hi cryingforever and thanks, i think thats exactly the case. it helps immensely for someone else to say that. One of her best qualities is that she is a such a warm and caring person, i have to try and accept that she will be the same towards her ex, thats the kind of person she is.
i need to give my head a wobble.
The following user gives a hug of support to daftasabrush: cryingforever (12-28-2010)
also her child will grow up in a decent environment and sees that been civil to eachother and been nice to eachother is great and they will grow to be a man or a woman not a immature self centred adult or even worse damaged because of childhood.