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Old 12-27-2010, 01:27 PM   #1
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What to do...?

I have known this girl for just over 4 months now and we are really good friends. Both of us have expressed feelings, in one way or another, for each other and have gotten together on multiple occasions for games, movie, etc. We get lunch together once a week and usually catch a couple other meals as well. Towards the beginning of our friendship she could tell that I liked her, but she said she had made a promise to herself, not to date anybody while she was getting comfortable with her surroundings (college). I respected that, and although I kept my options open, she had still seemed like someone I could really connect with, so I wait. Last week she asked if we could talk, and I met up with her. She first described her guilt in making me wait and such. She also tried to tell me that she didn't think we should date because it would ruin our "friendship circle" and for that reason, she couldn't see us dating. Respectful of her feelings over mine, I took it well and tried to make her feel like she hadn't hurt me. (Although it did, I thought telling her that would have made her feel bad and I thought it would be better if I felt bad instead...) Since this discussion, she has maintained these get-togethers and continues to text me about how things are going. I'm not sure if she told me off because of her desires or if her friend's, but I really like her. I'm not sure if I should talk to her and see if she'll date me, even though she's "rejected" me or not...I don't want to be bothersome, but I don't want the "one" disappear...help???

 
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Old 12-27-2010, 02:26 PM   #2
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Re: What to do...?

I'll chime in even though you're a packers fan. J/K of course!

I have some good and bad news.

Bad news is that you friend has set her boundaries on where she wants this friendship to go. The tough part (which you've been doing so far) is accepting and respecting those boundaries. Maybe she really wants just a friend right now and doesn't want the stress (on top of being in college) of having a boyfriend. Maybe she is taking a break and working on herself. Whatever the reason, she has made it clear to you that she doesn't want to date. I would continue to respect her wishes and not be pushy about the situation (not to say you were). If it were the opposite way around, wouldn't you want that?

The good news though is that people can always change their minds about how they feel about someone and decide to pursue a relationship later.
Use this time to really get to know her and be a good/great friend. You'd be surprised how many times this has worked out for people who only want to start off as friends. 4 months is still really new so be patient.

If you want to stay close to her then you have to accept that for the time being you won't be boyfriend/girlfriend. The problem of course is knowing how long to wait, which unfortunately, only you can decide that. If it was meant to happen, then it will happen.

Good Luck!

 
Old 12-27-2010, 05:04 PM   #3
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Re: What to do...?

accept that she doesnt want anything but friendship. be a friend but move on from her if you know what i mean dont wait and hope.

 
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