It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-30-2010, 04:23 AM   #1
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 282
dodedoo HB User
My girlfriend is trying to change me.



Hi all,

I am having a problem. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years now. One of our biggest fights that we've had in the past, more than once, is about how she wants me to change. She complains that I say I am going to do things and don't follow through; and that I am lazy. She says that she is trying to change my "behaviors" not who I am. So the last time we got into this fight she broke up with me for like a few hours, we had a talk, I promised I would change (woops) and we got back together. So obviously the issue is coming up again because I am still who I am and she obviously has a problem with it.

I get that she is trying to help me change into a better person but I am tired of feeling like my girlfriend doesn't accept me for who I am. Last night she told me that she doesn't even know what positives she is getting out of our relationship that she couldn't get if we were just friends.

I feel like this is the breaking point and I don't know what to do. There are things about me I'd like to change but it doesn't happen overnight and she expects that.
__________________
live your life with arms wide open

 
The Following User Says Thank You to dodedoo For This Useful Post:
bobo151 (03-31-2012)
Old 12-30-2010, 04:59 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: US
Posts: 788
BeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB User
Re: My girlfriend is trying to change me.

Well here's the deal, your "behavior" IS who you are! She's telling you that she doesn't like "who you are", this has been an on going problem for you two and obviously you are never going to change to fit her needs so I'd say it's about time to realize this relationship is not going to last. She wants you to be something different than who you are...how's that possible?

Last edited by BeaTrade; 12-30-2010 at 08:24 AM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 12-30-2010, 07:07 AM   #3
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 192
JumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB User
Re: My girlfriend is trying to change me.

I have to agree with Bea. I've been in relationships where I was expected to make changes. I am who I am. Thankfully I met a wonderful woman who, from day one, accepted me for who I am, faults and all. I understand I have faults and I work to change those but she doesn't hound me all the time about it. My best advice would be to break-up and move on. Neither of you will be happy in the long run if you continue with this relationship.

 
Old 12-30-2010, 08:49 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,984
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: My girlfriend is trying to change me.

You keep coming here and asking the same question and getting the same answer over and over again since you started this relationship. When do you suppose you'll actually realize that it isn't working and actually leave?

You're totally miserable, you haven't been happy in ages, and it's just not working! Stop torturing yourself by staying and break up with her already! Or - stay and keep being totally miserable every day of every week for the next 50 years.

 
Old 12-31-2010, 12:09 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 584
redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: My girlfriend is trying to change me.

well, I mean, if the things she's trying to "change" are things that you probably should change--like being lazy...maybe it's not so much her trying to change you, but help you do things that you should probably do anyway....like, moral support sort of thing. Do you maybe have a problem more with her not thinking you're perfect just the way you are than you do with the actual things she is persuading you to do or change? Maybe take a step back and see, if the things she's pushing you to do are things you want to do with your life or feel you actually should do, maybe you could try to accept her advice with more of an open mind. I"m getting the feeling you're a bit stubborn and probably don't like someone else telling you what to do. It's aggravating when someone nags you and you know they're right. Maybe let her know that the things she wants you to do are things you already know you need to change? And maybe set some timetables for yourself, and share with her what you're hoping to accomplish. From what you say, I don't think your gf sounds like a bad person, and I don't think she's actually trying to change who you are--if she didn't like who you are, she wouldn't want to be with you at all.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to redsoxgirl2418 For This Useful Post:
bobo151 (03-31-2012)
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Ex-Girlfriend on Facebook - Confused and Heartbroken jz10 Relationship Health 5 11-08-2010 11:21 AM
Ex girlfriend confusion? Look2TheHorizon Relationship Health 24 06-07-2010 01:53 AM
Girlfriend completely changes on me 400ex Relationship Health 23 10-16-2009 10:22 AM
What happened to my girlfriend!? DeadMemory Relationship Health 9 11-08-2008 10:35 PM
Girlfriend frustrates me to no end waterworks Relationship Health 6 05-10-2008 08:06 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (272), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (156), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (99), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (905), Titchou (848), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:57 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!