I am having a problem. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years now. One of our biggest fights that we've had in the past, more than once, is about how she wants me to change. She complains that I say I am going to do things and don't follow through; and that I am lazy. She says that she is trying to change my "behaviors" not who I am. So the last time we got into this fight she broke up with me for like a few hours, we had a talk, I promised I would change (woops) and we got back together. So obviously the issue is coming up again because I am still who I am and she obviously has a problem with it.
I get that she is trying to help me change into a better person but I am tired of feeling like my girlfriend doesn't accept me for who I am. Last night she told me that she doesn't even know what positives she is getting out of our relationship that she couldn't get if we were just friends.
I feel like this is the breaking point and I don't know what to do. There are things about me I'd like to change but it doesn't happen overnight and she expects that.
live your life with arms wide open
The Following User Says Thank You to dodedoo For This Useful Post: bobo151 (03-31-2012)
Well here's the deal, your "behavior" IS who you are! She's telling you that she doesn't like "who you are", this has been an on going problem for you two and obviously you are never going to change to fit her needs so I'd say it's about time to realize this relationship is not going to last. She wants you to be something different than who you are...how's that possible?
I have to agree with Bea. I've been in relationships where I was expected to make changes. I am who I am. Thankfully I met a wonderful woman who, from day one, accepted me for who I am, faults and all. I understand I have faults and I work to change those but she doesn't hound me all the time about it. My best advice would be to break-up and move on. Neither of you will be happy in the long run if you continue with this relationship.
You keep coming here and asking the same question and getting the same answer over and over again since you started this relationship. When do you suppose you'll actually realize that it isn't working and actually leave?
You're totally miserable, you haven't been happy in ages, and it's just not working! Stop torturing yourself by staying and break up with her already! Or - stay and keep being totally miserable every day of every week for the next 50 years.
well, I mean, if the things she's trying to "change" are things that you probably should change--like being lazy...maybe it's not so much her trying to change you, but help you do things that you should probably do anyway....like, moral support sort of thing. Do you maybe have a problem more with her not thinking you're perfect just the way you are than you do with the actual things she is persuading you to do or change? Maybe take a step back and see, if the things she's pushing you to do are things you want to do with your life or feel you actually should do, maybe you could try to accept her advice with more of an open mind. I"m getting the feeling you're a bit stubborn and probably don't like someone else telling you what to do. It's aggravating when someone nags you and you know they're right. Maybe let her know that the things she wants you to do are things you already know you need to change? And maybe set some timetables for yourself, and share with her what you're hoping to accomplish. From what you say, I don't think your gf sounds like a bad person, and I don't think she's actually trying to change who you are--if she didn't like who you are, she wouldn't want to be with you at all.
The Following User Says Thank You to redsoxgirl2418 For This Useful Post: bobo151 (03-31-2012)