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Old 12-30-2010, 08:48 AM   #1
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How long do you date before entering a relationship?

I've got a slightly different situation on my hands than what I'm used to. All of the girls I've had relationships with in the past I knew because of working with them for a while and then it morphing into a relationship later. I met this one girl recently and she is an incredible amount of fun. I find talking to her very enjoyable and there's always a new topic on the table. It's early though, very early in fact, so I definitely would like to spend a bit more time getting to know one another and spending time together and seeing where it goes, yet at the same time when I'm with her I just want to jump the gun right there.

Since this situation was a random encounter that definitely seems like it has the potential to lead somewhere, it just has me a little curious as to what others may have to say about it in regard to the grand scheme of things with the time line. I know I'll probably get a lot of "whenever it feels right" answers and quite honestly, I agree. But at the same time I'm just a little curious because normally I've known the other party for a while, THEN date. This time it feels backwards because I feel there is a mutual attraction between us and it makes me wonder... how do I handle it? If I sense the feeling is mutual should I break the ice and bring it up or do users here have a set preference of how many times you like to go on dates before entering an actual relationship?

Anyway, just trying to be open minded and hearing any input anybody else might have. Thanks!

 
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:03 AM   #2
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Re: How long do you date before entering a relationship?

How long have you've been seeing each other?

For me it's the amount of time I spend with them. There have been ladies that I just met that we would spend almost every night together to few a that I would only see once or twice a week. It's really the chemistry between you and your date.

In your type of situation I usually wait at least two weeks (assuming you see each other often, e.g. 4-5 times a week) but for those who I don't see often I've waited 4-6 weeks. As you pointed out, it's not an exact science and the whole "when it feels right" comes into play.

Good luck!

 
Old 12-30-2010, 09:29 AM   #3
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Re: How long do you date before entering a relationship?

Due to the holidays and whatnot, things have been kind of tough to see each other more frequently. I think as it spills into January we may see each other quite a bit more. I mean, I would certainly like to at least! But we've seen each other 2 or 3 times and each time I enjoy it more and more. We've spent a good chunk of time on the phone as well. I feel like I can sense the same thing out of her, but then I just keep falling back to "but you only met up with her a few times." Yet at the same time when we're together I'm just blown away at how much I feel already...

Like I said, I just really wanted an idea of how other people handle this situation. Even though I've had a few lengthy relationships, this one is a bit different so I'm learning as I go!

 
Old 12-30-2010, 10:02 AM   #4
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Re: How long do you date before entering a relationship?

"Longer than usual"...
That was the first thing that popped into my head after reading your question.

As you report, most women you date develops from another kind of relationship. You have had a chance to observe their work ethic, their interactions with others, their general ability to manage their lives...quite a lot of information!

This potential relationship so far is based on instant attraction, which is very exciting. I would encourage you to enjoy it, while always having one hand on brakes in case red flags start appearing.

This relationship offer you a chance to start with a strong attraction, something you do not always have with the other type girlfriend (from work). When you mentioned that, it made me realize that I have always done the same thing, people become beautiful as I get to know them, a different kind of attraction. I can see how someone just whisking into your life must be terribly exciting.

Best wishes to you'1

 
Old 12-30-2010, 10:09 AM   #5
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Re: How long do you date before entering a relationship?

If I were you, I'd take my time and see how things develop after you've spent more time with her. Like writeleft said, the initial "getting to know you" stage is always exciting, until you've spent more time together and seen what the person is really like for real. People are in waaaaaaaaaaay too much of a hurry to jump into a relationship with someone and then they end up in a big mess. If you take your time and don't try too hard to rush things, at least then you'll know if it's worth it to pursue it or not based on a longer history instead of just based on that honeymoon period when everything seems awesome in the beginning.

If I could go back and change anything about all of my prior relationships, I would have taken more time to get to know them first before making it official. It's the one mistake that I have made every time and it was only after my most recent experience that I realized it (thanks to a friend who pointed it out to me). Hopefully next time I'll be smart about it and not jump in with both feet again!

 
Old 12-30-2010, 10:16 AM   #6
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Re: How long do you date before entering a relationship?

Yeah, I definitely hear everything you folks are saying. So far all first impressions are lining up perfectly, which is a little strange to me. She seems laid back, yet a go-getter. Hard worker, cautious spender (aka no constant shopping spree's), and a "I can do it on my own" type of girl. Couple that with similar interests and you have a heckuva green light. But again, I'm a realist and I know each time I got into a relationship in the past I had good feelings going into it too.

I just can't help but to think this time may be different, which is what scares me into not wanting to go too fast cause so far I'm really happy with the connections that are forming.

 
Old 12-30-2010, 10:47 AM   #7
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Re: How long do you date before entering a relationship?

You sound as if you have this well thought out.

Having said all this, why not take the opportunity to make the excitement of this new relationship last as long as possible? Allow for some things to be saved for later. Hold on to some mystery. She will love it.

 
Old 12-30-2010, 10:57 AM   #8
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Re: How long do you date before entering a relationship?

I don't think it's so much that I have it all planned out - I think I've just learned a lot of hard lessons so now I'm a bit more aware. I try to learn from mistakes instead of repeating them. :P

 
Old 12-30-2010, 12:39 PM   #9
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Re: How long do you date before entering a relationship?

Great dating attitude!

 
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