Okay so my name is Ashley. Looking in from the outside in I seem to have it all in order. I am currently a student. I am doing very well in my current program (despite everything that has been happening) and I enjoy it. I am a health/fitness freak and am in good shape and eat well. I try to be good to my body but it can be hard to be 100% good when your a student and have a lot of exam(theres a lot of late nights!!)
So I had been with a pretty decent guy for close to 4 years. He helped me get into school and had a lot of faith in me. He was always by my side and the biggest thing we had between us was TRUST. He had female friends and I had male friends but we trusted eachother so we werent bothered by this at all. He however, did have a female friend from work that he talked to a lot about things but I knew her too and wasnt jealous. She wasnt exactly "hot" or anything and I didnt feel I would have anything to worry about. Our relationship had been a little rocky though because we started to grow apart a bit and he didnt like me studying and he started to get upset with the fact that I wanted to compete. He got annoyed with the whole "working out" deal and thought I was being superficial, but it wasnt about that! I love working out because it makes me feel good and it truly makes me feel better after. I also love the way the body transforms - into however you want it
He didnt get any of this and I started to get annoyed with him too. He became super lazy (we lived together) so I witnissed this and he let the place get pretty messy. I would clean it but he would always let it build up again. We started to bicker a lot but we figured we'd work through it somehow.
It wasnt until last summer that things really started to go downhill. I met someone from the gym and we began hanging out ALOT. We met up before the gym, after the gym and we texted eachother all day. He wa absolutely EVERYTHING I was!! He loved fitness, healthy eating and what really got me going was his profession, what I'm studying!! I couldnt stop thinking about him and the more we hung out/talked, the more I began falling for him. Thing though was he was a married man and she had no idea. He claimed to be unhappy with his 2 year marriage and I told him if we were ever going to be together he would need to make some serious decisions and so would I. This caused me and "the boyfriend" to grow apart even more and it seemed as though he was growing kinda close to his "lady friend" too.
This new guy and I spent about 8 months really just getting to know eachother until "long story short" his wife found a text from me and it caused a huge problem and she kicked him out. THENN she wanted him back but he was done with it and had moved in with a good friend of his. THENNN I was driving home from school a few days after their breakup (him and my boyfriend were both at work) and I commute about 80 minutes away everyday and I got hit by a garbage truck. It really totaled the car and I bumped my head and hurt my hip pretty bad. The dude ran a red light and he knew he was at fault but I was just thankul to be alive. Because everyone thought I was dead because if It had hit me any other way, I would have been. The back end of my car was literally smashed in. It was very scary and I called both my boyfriend and the other guy. My boyfriend at the time was soo upset and wanted to come home from work right then and there to be with me. I knew he loved me and he'd do anything for me. He was really hysterical and was hurt me the most was the other guy, didnt offer to come be with me. He seemed a bit upset and concerned, but I just wasnt sure if he truly cared.
Anyways, I ended up breaking things off with Wes about 2 weeks after that because the guy I was seeing was really giving me some heavy ultramatums. Telling me he did his part - now its my turn! I knew I didnt love my boyfriend anymore. I cared for him, he helped me a lot and we had some great memories together. We had a bulldog puppy together lol
An apartment ........ but I knew that the love part was truly gone, on my end anyways. It wasnt easy but we ended things and thats when it happened. This guy had seemed to change overnight! He started lying to me, standing me up, leaving me hanging, making me feel like complete crap! We went to bancroft together and I ended up paying for most of it. He was such a deadbeat loser and he never made me feel so low. It was like the sweet guy I thought he was, was gone. He was always late and by late I mean 4 hours to a no show on a regular basis. He wouldnt even call to say he couldnt make it! This broke me apart. & to make matters worse, the ex boyfriend is now seeing that girl and they ALREADY slept together. It hurt soo bad and I have lost all faith in men! I have started working out like crazy just to keep my mind off of it but I have lost complete faith and somedays I dont even know what to do with myself.
I never meant to hurt anyone. I tried to be strong here and go with what I knew was best but it turned out to be a pretty big mistake and im losing my mind! I never thought my old boyfriend would replace me that quickly - I was his world! & with her - she isnt even his type. He always told me she was like a sister to him and now hes sleeping with her - I really am soo confused and picturing it in my head(which I have done 1 too many times) makes me want to gag! UGH, and that loser I left him for - well I deleted him from my phone and cant understand how I could have been so stupid!! I am such an idiot fool and all I have out of all this is well, nothing. I wasted 4 yrs and threw it all away for a loser that made me false promises.
Please, could someone give me some advice on how to regain my faith, strength?? I have lost all of it! & I appologise for the length, it wasnt the kinda story I could sum up short and sweet.