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Old 12-31-2010, 12:34 PM   #1
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New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

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Last edited by cryingforever; 01-02-2011 at 11:36 PM.

 
Old 12-31-2010, 12:58 PM   #2
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Re: New years eve and boyfriends been mean AGAIN

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it seems the reality of your situation is that you are right... he doesn't want you there. I've been reading your posts and all I keep thinking is that he doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't seem like he loves you and he is maybe just still with you because you live together and it's convenient. If you are in a real, healthy, loving relationship, he would not be treating you like that and he would WANT to spend holidays and special times with you. The fact that he doesn't and that he actually went so far as to say that you were ruining his Christmas, now he's trying to get you to go out tonight so he can spend the evening with his friends. If he loved you and wanted you, he wouldn't be doing that. You are an inconvenience to him and a bother, and honestly, that won't change. I really hope for your own self-esteem and well-being you will come to realize this and get the strength to leave him. Try to look at things from an outside perspective... what would you tell one of your friends if she told you that her boyfriend treated her that way? That might help put things into perspective for you so that you can see past your loving him and see things for what they really are.

 
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Old 12-31-2010, 01:58 PM   #3
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

I understand how it feels to have to leave someone you are still in love with... I've done it more than once. It is the hardest thing you will have to do, but trust me, you can and will be happy in the future. Gather strength that you didn't know you had and just do it. It will take time, but once you get out of that relationship and move on, you will look back and realize it was the best thing you ever did for yourself!

P.S- About him being nice to you again, that's how it works. It's an emotionally abusive cycle. He breaks you down, then pulls you up again just enough for you to stay. It's only a matter of time, probably days or hours before he breaks you down again. In order to see this, you could even start logging what happens between you two. Keep a kind of diary each day that states what happened that day. You can look back on it and see the cycle and gain insight from it. It can also serve as a form of self-therapy. I think I read in your other post that you're going to see a therapist soon? I'm so happy for you, because I think and hope that this therapist will help you realize that this relationship is not healthy, and also help you with everything else (family, etc.). Good luck!

 
Old 12-31-2010, 02:03 PM   #4
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

thats a awesome idea, yeah i'll start a diary. i cannot wait till i see my therapist and get super strong and get my old self back where i was happy, confident.

Last edited by cryingforever; 01-02-2011 at 11:37 PM.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 09:29 PM   #5
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I have finally woke up and realised....

Good news. I have finally woke up and realised alot of things. Basically mine and Aarons (my boyfriend) relationship has been stale and boring because we spend too much time together, we are together 24/7. I have realised i need to find a job and get out in the world. I realised my own wrong doings which is if i am honest i became addicted to the internet, i wasn't giving me and him any breathing space away from eachother and i wasn't playing with my pet rats enough and i was been lazy. I realised also that i was moaning about Aaron but i admit i played a part in why things weren't great, because i didnt go out and do my own stuff i was with him all the time. I started doubting my feelings and got bored of my relationship but i figured its not that my feelings are going its because i am frustrated with been around him and hes frustrated been around me all time and we have nothing new to talk about so the excitments been going and it became stale. I have decided enough is enough,i am giving up FB for a while, setting myself plans/goals/challenges which is to basically get a life...i am allowing myself ONE hour a day to go on the internet, the rest of the time i am going to be spending time with my rats, stop been lazy, stop eating junk food, and fill my day with activitys, job hunting and applying for college. Im starting my therapy on wednesday and its 2011 and now its time for a fresh start. i been speaking to Aaron tonight we had a big chat and we got some understanding of eachother and i learnt that he had his own plans too which is to quit smoking and weed and to start going jogging etc etc.... Bring on 2011 the fresh new start. Thanks for reading.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 10:25 AM   #6
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

Ok. But I still think you should keep that diary. Maybe then it will help you see the ongoing pattern of his behavior and how often it happens. Then you can see for yourself if he is really making an effort for real or just blowing smoke to appease you temporarily. Keep the diary for 3 months and then look back at how many times he has made you feel bad or hurt you again and see what the pattern is.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 11:22 AM   #7
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

That's the same as what is hapening with my boyfriend we don't have any time away from each other which I know is ruining our relationship as he says he never gets the chance to miss me or look forwarding to see me.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 01:30 PM   #8
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

yes i'll definately keep a diary. going to start it today. got one bad note already... i woke up and came in living room and he was reading something on the internet on wikipedia ...i could see a picture of an actors face but didnt recognise it so i said ''what you reading about honey''... his reponse ''just stuff'' in an moody tone of voice. then he would say something and i thought he was talking to me but i didnt hear him so i'd ask ''what did ya say honey''..his response ''nothing i'm talking to myself'' yet again in a moody tone of voice so thats when i thought i am sick of this and asked him ''why is it that you always talk to me like i have done something wrong you have a attitude nearly everytime i wake up and come in the living room i understand we need space and will be doing as of tomorrow (tuesday) but theres no need to speak to me like that''..he obviously denied it and said ''whatever''. fed up. a loving person would at least speak to there partner with respect even though need space. i am going to do the whole space thing as of tomorrow when i get paid as i want to get away from him for abit aswell as i am fed up of his stupid attitude and his non stop playing on his xbox every single day i am BORED and fed up. if things dont change when we start having space between us i am gone and i mean it as i am seriously fed up now, i am stronger than ever.

Last edited by cryingforever; 01-03-2011 at 01:32 PM.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 02:12 PM   #9
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
a loving person would at least speak to there partner with respect even though need space.
You are absolutely correct. This is 150% true. I hope this will help you realize what kind of guy you're dealing with. He is just a big old meanie and you deserve way better than him.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 07:04 PM   #10
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

yes i do lol

 
Old 01-03-2011, 07:32 PM   #11
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Red face Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

men do not have the right to be mean if it gose more than shouting then you need to speak up i no it's hard even if there's violence in the relationship then u need help do not give up speak out before it's to late keep smiling

Last edited by moderator2; 01-03-2011 at 07:41 PM. Reason: please do not post your email address

 
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:28 PM   #12
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

he isnt violent. never has been. hes just been an idiot lately but he made a real effort last night, he came off his xbox and he picked out some movies and we went to bed and he held me and apologised for been an idiot and sorry if hes been abit distant and that its just that we spend too much time together and i agreed so he held me in his arms for ages and we watched movies and we played with my pet rats on the bed aswell it was good fun, it was lovely. i can't knock him for the effort. i asked him if he is going to start making an effort from now on and he said yes, i got to give him a chance as i do want this to work, i am staying out tonight at my friends so we get a break away from eachother i think he is also happy that i am making an effort aswell. so i have my own plans i am having a girly day out with my friend shopping etc and staying at hers then wednesday morning i am visiting my therapist for the first time then meeting back up with my boyfriend later wednesday afternoon. in the morning though me and my boyfriend are going food shopping then i am going out after that. i have cheered up abit.

 
Old 01-04-2011, 01:54 PM   #13
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

Awesome news Crying! So happy to hear there is a plan going on here. And once you start going to college and meeting up with friends (for fun or for working on school projecs) he will have plenty of time to miss you!

 
Old 01-05-2011, 04:04 AM   #14
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

thanks for the reply princesssweet...good news. it worked i stayed out and went to my psychotherapist appointment that went brilliant and came back and he was sooooooooo happy to see me. big smile on his face. hes locked door all day so his friends dont come in so we get the day to ourselves just me and him. awww i am so happy and i am very proud of myself for going to face my demons by talking to my psychotherapist about my troubled past that still affects me to this day. got along way togo though but i am determined. i even treated myself to a yummy mcmuffin from mcdonalds hehe. thanks again x

 
Old 01-05-2011, 08:31 AM   #15
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Re: New Year's eve and boyfriend's been mean AGAIN

That's great! So happy to hear it, keep it up!

 
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