It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-01-2011, 05:34 AM   #1
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 118
Adelex HB User
xmas and new year

I never spent xmas eve with my boyfriend and only saw him for 1 hour when he came down at 11pm which I can understand because he was with his family. We were suposed to go out together new years eve but he wanted to go out with his friends and we would meet up which I didn't mind aslong as he was here before 12 and came to the club I was at and he promised he would txt me when he knew what time he was going down town. I never txt him at all but tried to phone him once to make sure he would be down for 12 and I txt him to tell him what club I was in. At. 11.45 he phoned me and he was in another club so I had already paid 15 pound to get in the first club and I had to leave my jacket as I had to run to make sure I was there before 12 and then I had to pay ten pound to get in there I got there just 2 mins to 12then he decided he wants to go home at 1. I am not spending today with him either which I understand because he is hungover. I don't know if I'm overeacting but it feels like he doesn't want to be with me and I though he would because of the time of year and because it was last xmas day we started going out.

 
Old 01-01-2011, 05:37 AM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 118
Adelex HB User
Re: xmas and new year

I meant I spent 1 hour with him on xmas day

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-01-2011, 10:18 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,081
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: xmas and new year

No, you're not overreacting. It does sound pretty clear that he doesn't want to be around you. Men spend their time and energy doing what they want. If he wasn't with you, it was because he didn't want to be. He couldn't be bothered to come to where you were, or even to find somewhere you two could meet that wouldn't cost you more money, and didn't offer to pay your cover charge to get into his club. If you hadn't hounded him, calling him to hook up, and if you hadn't run over to him and paid the extra money to be with him, he would have been just fine with ringing in the new year with you nowhere in sight. You do see that you were the one doing all the work, all the planning, all the meeting, right? He promised he'd text you when he was going downtown. He didn't. you told him where you'd be. He chose to go somewhere else. You didn't post the content of the 11:45 phone call, but I'm guessing if you look at it objectively, he didn't ask you or invite you to come to where he was. I could be wrong, but I'm guessing you took it upon yourself to say "oh, he's over there, well, I'll run over." He called every single last shot and you did all the compromising, all the giving, all the meeting, and if you hadn't, he would have been just fine about it. That's BS.

You've got a choice here. Waste more time and energy on a man who keeps you separate from his friends, considers social time EITHER with you OR his friends, but not both, and most times his friends take priority, someone who doesn't even want to spend the holidays with you, or you can start fresh with the new year, value yourself enough to knoww hat you really want and what you need to do to get it, and go build a life for yourself that you can be proud of, and find a man who makes YOU a priority, and who actually wants to and who enjoys spending time with you. Let's face it, this guy ain't him.

 
Old 01-01-2011, 12:35 PM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 118
Adelex HB User
Re: xmas and new year

He spends every night with him he only gors out with his friends every so often I didn't mind him going out with his friends

 
Old 01-01-2011, 08:13 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,081
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: xmas and new year

Did you mean he spends every night with YOU? Or is "him" a particular friend of his?

Well, something is obviously bothering you enough to make you post here. I mean, you haven't given us any real information about the dynamic of your relationship in general, just this one isolated incident last night, but there must be a reason why he thought it would be ok to treat you the way he did. So, you're saying up until now your relationship has been wonderful, no bothers, no complaints, total smooth sailiing, until last night? If so, then perhaps last night wasn't any real big deal, but it just doesn't sound that way, based on the information you gave in your post. Perhaps more information about your relationship dynamic in general and how you feel about it would be helpful. Maybe you spend TOO much time together, and that's why he wasn't interested in spending New Year's Eve with you.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 01-01-2011 at 08:18 PM.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 02:14 AM   #6
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 118
Adelex HB User
Re: xmas and new year

I have other posts about the problems in our relationship

 
Old 01-02-2011, 04:04 AM   #7
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 462
Ely4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB User
Re: xmas and new year

Having read your other threads it would not suprise me if this relationship is dead. He's already tried breaking up with you and only stayed because you threatened to harm yourself. He's probably feeling trapped and resentful and probably wanted to celebrate the holidays rather than constantly have to deal with your insecurities.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 07:31 AM   #8
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: xmas and new year

threatening suicide to keep someone is like blackmail and that is selfish. i dont think he wants to be with you anymore i think hes trying to break away from you but is scared to tell you directly or hes trying to push you away so you leave him. think you two should call it a day but thats only my opinion. do you think there could be a future for you both ? deep down in your heart do you think you will be together long term?

 
Old 01-03-2011, 11:55 AM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 118
Adelex HB User
Re: xmas and new year

things are so bad because we dont have any breathing space we are constantly together tonight is the first night we have been apart since xmas eve. I know he does love me and he doesnt want us to split up just yet he just wants to have time on his own more. I stay with my gran and i hate being in the house on my own with her as she is a nightmare so thats why i always like him to stay and i cant move in with my mum as shes even harder to live with as she has mental problems. I also have no privacy my mum and gran have looked through my diary, open my mail always know my doctor appointments nothing in my life is a secret.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 01:21 PM   #10
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: xmas and new year

could you get your own place?

 
Old 01-03-2011, 01:44 PM   #11
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 118
Adelex HB User
Re: xmas and new year

nope im at college and dont work but i am trying as hard as i can to get a job so i can move out

 
Old 01-03-2011, 02:06 PM   #12
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: xmas and new year

thats awesome that your at college. thats my plan to get space away from my boyfriend aswell as get myself a career i am going to college this year and job hunting. speaking of college, have you met any friends there who you could hang out with ? even if they have kids could you still visit them and when kids are in bed you and your friend/s relax to a movie which costs nothing. i dont understand when people say that there friends never 'come out' anymore there is fun and laugh that can be done at eachothers houses. i have noticed that with one of my friends she only texts me or rings me to go out when shes got money but if she is skint she doesnt see the point and all's miserable but i always suggest me going to hers and watching a movie and having girly chats but she then says 'ohh maybe another time' tut. point is you dont have to go out to have a good time. which i am sure you know anyway but maybe start doing it. i am in same boat as you with the boyfriend thing and i am definately going to get away from him for a bit not because i have to because he wants me too, thats not 100% right its because i need space aswell its driving me crazy been round him everyday.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 02:12 PM   #13
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 118
Adelex HB User
Re: xmas and new year

not really i have a problem speaking to people i don't really know i'm shy and dont know really know what to say to people i dont know i have tried to speak to them but there not really inteested, im only at college 12 hours a week so it isnt long. Aw i txt them all the time asking if they want to just have a night in but there always busy with there boyfriends or they say they will do it another time and it never happens, i'm just fed up of not really having anything else apart from my boyfriend about a year and a half ago i used to be out all the time doing stuf with friends and it's just really a big change to me.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 07:39 PM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: paso robles, ca
Posts: 660
CadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB User
Re: xmas and new year

What happened to the friends you used to have?

People have trouble when they rely on their boyfriends to be their only social life and only means of getting attention and affection. It's way too much to put on him. It's important to have a life that isn't all about him. He's going to resent that kind of pressure and start being mean because he needs to break loose sometimes. Give him a break from you because just because you want to spend every minute with him doesn't mean he wants the same thing. And it doesn't mean he doesn't love you if he wants a life aside from being with you. It's normal and healthy to spend time apart doing things alone, with family and with friends.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 11:03 PM   #15
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: xmas and new year

Please read all of this reply......

shame we dont live in the same area, your in scotland, i am in england we could of hung out lol. anyway yes i can definately understand the shyness as i too have it and it makes friend-making VERY diffacult. what changed? you say you used to go out with friends but what happened? ...also if you can't see your friends much why not spend time on your own may sound boring but when your doing clothes shopping, or painting your nails, dancing to music, watching comedy movies or do some painting ANYTHING that interests you, everyone needs hobbies.

seen as we are in a similar situation i want to tell you a little about whats gone on for me lately with my boyfriend and hopefully you can do same. basically he was moody when i got up with morning but later on in the day i called my friend to see if wanted to meet up, she said yes and i turned to my boyfriend and said ''im going to stay at my friends tonight honey so we can have a break''...so he saw that i was making an effort and INSTANTLY his attitude changed towards me he was in a good mood, he came off his xbox a couple of hours later and he made time for me to reassure me things are okay between us and i think he was proud of me for going to get some independence he picked out some movies and we just layed in bed and held eachother talked and played with our pet rats together on the bed and watched the movie it was lovely. so if you break away from your boyfriend for abit he will become better towards you aswell. maybe just take a deep breath and say ''right honey i am having a day to myself'' , or ''right honey i am going to see my friends/or family for abit'' so he will see you are respecting the space that not only he needs but what you need. hope my little story brings some good to you aswell. i wish you luck and be brave. i can do it no problem as i dont have trust issues and 2011 a fresh start for new things has come round about the right time. maybe see a counsellor aswell if you arent already seeing one. good luck honey you CAN do it. girl power lol

Last edited by cryingforever; 01-03-2011 at 11:11 PM. Reason: adding a bit extra on

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Ex's relationship with ex's 4 year old daughter. I don't know how to feel. Jul1980 Relationship Health 9 08-26-2009 12:18 PM
how do we get through xmas travinda Relationship Health 10 12-26-2008 03:05 PM
I'm 26 and in love with a 17 year old!! alyssa12 Relationship Health 61 03-12-2007 09:10 AM
Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do??? Laylah Relationship Health 40 02-24-2007 03:29 AM
Merry Xmas CED west1670 Relationship Health 1 12-22-2006 07:14 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (273), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (159), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (102), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (670), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:25 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!