It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-02-2011, 12:41 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Siberia, Siberia
Posts: 9
Fanfan HB User
I don't want to let go of my relationship, please help!

We sometimes argue because he says he wants to go out and I'm tired and lacking the energy, what could I do? He's really important to me and I don't want to lose him. Please help!

Last edited by Fanfan; 01-20-2011 at 02:17 PM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-02-2011, 12:56 AM   #2
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 12
HannahJane HB User
Re: I don't want to let go of my relationship, please help!

It seems to me he needs a bit more freedom.

Think of it, He spends all day at work, rarely see's his friends, his friends get at him for being with you all the time, He's trying to please everyone and its getting on top of him.

Let him have a night with his friends, let him have some freedom.
If you demand or take up too much of his time, he might just want to break away for good.

Don't throw what could again be such a great fulfilling relationship just because you don't get to spend a lot of time with him.
If you really love him, let him go... That way he is much more likely to come back.

You yourself (I feel) could do with getting out and letting your hair down a bit more too.
You will miss him at work, but If you miss him in your spare time, you might just come to realise how dear he is to you. and Think of how exciting it will be to see each other after a GOOD night out, or just a little day off from the pressures of a relationship!

Socialise together aswell, Make new friends you can both socialise with. Don;t sit and laze about the house, (even if its comfortable for you) its not for him.

Good Luck x

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-02-2011, 01:32 AM   #3
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Siberia, Siberia
Posts: 9
Fanfan HB User
Re: I don't want to let go of my relationship, please help!

Hi HannahJane, thanks for such a quick reply!

I keep telling him to hang out with his friends, I really do...I understand that he needs it. But I can't help feeling a little rejected since all I look forward to during the week is the time we spend together. I have told him about this a few times and we have ended up arguing, so I got the hint and told him to have as much space as he needs. The last thing I want to be in this world is a clingy girlfriend. Still, he doesn't hang out with them, and it's not only up to me. I think that he feels I will feel unconfortable if he does it and that prevents him from taking the step, and I don't know how to convince him of it. I'm also starting to think that the real problem is lack of real friends, the kind that stick with you through thick and thin. Even though I don't see mine much, I know they are there for me. Loneliness really is a subjective experience.

For over a month, we haven't been going out because he thinks that we will end up fighting and he told me he wanted to stay at home. I don't know how to get this out of his head! The truth is that I'm glad if we stay, but he ends up being miserable, and still doesn't want to go out. It's so distressing...

You're right about the staying in bed thing, that's probably selfish on my part and I should take into consideration his needs.

Last edited by Fanfan; 01-02-2011 at 01:38 AM.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 09:15 AM   #4
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: I don't want to let go of my relationship, please help!

becareful because clingyness will push him away. your making him the centre of your world you need to stop feeling/thinking and do your own thing when you two have space. enjoy life pointless wasting it on stress.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 09:38 AM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 462
Ely4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB User
Re: I don't want to let go of my relationship, please help!

You cannot be his "everything". He needs more in his life than just you, and you need more in your life than just him. You both need your own friends too, he should see his and you should stop neglecting yours.

You've worn him down, and now he'd rather avoid going out without you so you don't give him grief about going off you because he wants to spend time with his friends. As for his friends thinking you're antisocial, they've probably taken their cue from your behaviour. They know that he's been kept on a tight leash by you.

You two don't really sound very compatible. You like to stay in bed late, he doesn't. He likes to go out with his friends, you don't (and even see it as a sign that he's going off you).

You need to back off and give him some space. Even though you tell him to go out, on past experience he doesn't trust that you won't have a go at him again.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 11:02 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: paso robles, ca
Posts: 660
CadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB User
Re: I don't want to let go of my relationship, please help!

Skip a weekend. I know that will seem like it's impossible for you to do, but do it. I had an ex tell me that since I never gave him a chance to miss me, he never did. He said if I'd skipped a weekend once in a while he would have missed me and come looking for me. Instead, I became a boring routine.

So, skip a weekend. Don't demand he go out with his friends, just say you've decided to stay in the city and do things with friends. See how he reacts. And don't call/text all day, just send him a "goodnight" text. Let him see if he misses you, and if you give him this break he will see how much you mean to him.

 
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to CadenceA For This Useful Post:
cryingforever (01-02-2011), Fanfan (01-02-2011)
Old 01-02-2011, 11:44 AM   #7
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Siberia, Siberia
Posts: 9
Fanfan HB User
Re: I don't want to let go of my relationship, please help!

Hey...thanks for your responses, both of you. I really appreciate.

I'm kind of confused though. The other day he told me he wanted to make it a goal for this year to spend more time with me, and even considered moving to the city where I live. I don't think he's pushing me away at all, but still, he's a little lonely, and probably fighting with me makes him even more lonely. I don't know what motivated him to want to move to the city where I live. Could this be the solution to our problems, or would it put more pressure on us? New work, new friends, new home for him?

Last edited by Fanfan; 01-20-2011 at 02:18 PM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I don't wanna be married eh! chevyman Relationship Health 77 06-22-2009 11:18 AM
I don't trust my friend's boyfriend...neither does she alarose Relationship Health 4 10-04-2005 05:32 PM
I don't want to go on... cinting Relationship Health 29 09-21-2005 06:11 PM
Do you think he fancies me? I don't know what to do bubblegum76 Relationship Health 8 09-18-2005 11:06 AM
Very upset, don't know what to do. themightyzim Relationship Health 11 08-28-2005 06:02 PM

Tags
argument, break-up, couple, fighting, love



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:12 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!