This is my first post, so bear with me. I'm desperate and need some advice on how to deal with my mother.
I currently live with my mother and my 4 children. Difficult isnt the word for it. I wish I could move out, but thats not an option right now. Financially I cant do it.
My mother and I have a very difficult relationship...always. She's very controlling and honestly, very mean. She finds great joy in bringing others down.
Heres the living situation. I work full-time, go to school full-time, clean the house, laundry, take care of 4 teenagers (who have been a saint in all of this but absolutely hates her), cook, etc etc. But its never enough for her. She constantly wants more of me than I have. I cant go anywhere with just the kids because she throws a tantrum like a 2 year old because we didnt invite her. So everywhere I go, she has to go.
She demands that my 17 year old son get her breakfast every morning, including even in a blizzard. I refused to wake him up and make him drive in a blizzard to get her breakfast. She threw a fit. I still didn't do it. She refuses to do anything for herself anymore...she EXPECTS me or the kids to do it.
For her cruel ways, heres an example. My best friend lost her father and her brother in a car accident 2 years ago. While going to my graduation, she informs me that she can understand why they were killed if they drove like her. (She was driving the speed limit and not driving insanely either) Now my best friend refuses to come over and deal with her. I cant blame her.
My mother also talks to the kids about me. And its never good. She tells them that I spend too much time in my room (to avoid her at all costs), I never do enough, and basically says how bad of a mother I am or how horrible of a daughter I am. She absolutely hates my kids and is constantly criticizes them. I had to tell her NOT to call her grandson a "hateful *******" or " an *******" and not to call her granddaughter an "idiot".
She'll even make the comment that she didn't have 4 children because she didn't have to be "kicked in the head more than once."
She sits and sleeps on my couch 24 hours a day while we wait on her. If we dont, she'll either throw a tantrum or wont speak to us for days. Which is nice sometimes, but causes tension in the house.
I dont know what else to do. I feel I have no control over my life. I have been through therapy, but couldn't afford it anymore. I have stood up to her, but she wears you down. I'm exhausted. She's not only difficult, but everything is about her only. According to her, I'm here for her only. I have no life to speak of, I never go out because either I have to take her or she's demanding what time I'm going to be home. And I better be home at that time, or shes ****** and takes it out on the kids.
Any suggestions? She's 60 years old and is on dialysis. I understand she doesn't feel well most of the time, but I'm tired of her taking it out on me and my kids.