I'm 31 male. Don't have nothing. My parents still living but when they die i'll have nothing.
And it's difficult to make friends and GF because i'm what you would call "strange" because I am quiet and also have speaking problems(i'm slow and i can't think fast and can't remember vocabulary)so i don't even try because most people who are normal don't accept a 31 man who speaks kindof like a child. Especially in America.
For example i've seen dating sites and women say how mature they are and have great careers and want the same out of a man.
So really, I feel like garbage many times. The only friends i have and the only girl i've talked to and shared stuff with is an online email friend from another country. that's it.
I'm already old so i don't see how i can get a girlfriend , maybe i won't even have one this decade.
It would be easy if there was a way to meet women casually, and where women are accepting.. Not bars, or clubs, or universities or even supermarkets because there they expect men to be a certain way. If you're not "normal" women see you as stupid.
Last edited by MrDister78; 01-02-2011 at 09:47 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to MrDister78: cryingforever (01-02-2011)
Ok, First of all, I think you're lacking in some confidence.
Get out there and Join in with some socialising, Join a Class of something that interests you, Arts & crafts, Cookery etc.
This will put you in the company of people you have a common ground with.
As for your speech, Have you tried speech therapy?
This could help you aswell, and again if its a Group Therapy, you will have the chance to meet people who understand your isolation.
Ask your doctor about confidence building, it's very easy to fall into a rut and get stuck there, but only you can take the first steps to getting out of this sad place you have found yourself in.
Have a look online for such events in your local area. the hardest part will be going for a first class, but you will settle in eventually if you give it the chance.
whatever you do, do not let anybody make you feel down and worthless. you are just as worthy as anybody else. my nasty brother said to me ''your worth nothing because your ugly'' so i replied...''right so been ugly as you say does that mean i am less worthy than you , erm no, does that mean i am not a decent human being, erm no, does that mean i am not worth a loving relationship , erm no, does that mean i have no right to feel included and just to live with unhappiness and have nothing and no one and nothing to smile about erm no''. guess what he didnt reply to my response. my point is whatever problem you have, you still have a right to be happy and have someone special. you WILL find someone. ok so i am a non judgemental type, i could be with someone who talks slow or can't think quick , and do you really think i'm the only decent woman out there who thinks this way..no they are plenty! also if they are ignorant its THEM with the problem NOT you. you stay a decent person and be proud of that quality you have within yourself, fear nothing and no one, be counted.
First- 31 is NOT old. Nor is it unusual for men to not be married at that age.
Second, it definitely sounds like your biggest issue is your own attitude. You are definitely negative and possibly even depressed. Put bluntly, if I were a woman seeking a man as a potential boyfriend, I would be a lot more put off by your negativity than by your vocabulary.
If you think you might be depressed, seek assistance from a medical professional. That'd be the first step, and might change how you come across as you start to act happier.
If your problem stems more from a lack of confidence, then it's just something you have to work on- even fake it. I have a lack of confidence, but mostly no one can tell because I just fake being outgoing when I want to.
As to places to meet people in a non-threatening environment- try a church, library, cafe, bookstore, gym. If you approach it more from an attitude that today you'll just say hi to someone new and not try to put unrealistic expectations on it (like, today I'll meet the girl I'm going to marry) then you will probably meet a lot of interesting people. Just smile, Say hi. Ask what they're reading, or what they recommend for a good cup of coffee. I've met people on airplanes by talking to my seatmates, in grocery lines, etc. I've even met people in person that I originally met in online discussion forums when we decided to have a public get-together. Another good way to meet people is if you have a hobby, join a group that is centered around that hobby. Like, if you like to hike join a hiking club.
At the very minimum, by putting yourself out there you'll make friends. And it might turn into something more, or one of these new friends might know someone that is perfect for you and they'll want to introduce you to them.
get a dog aswell. take for long walks. that is a good place to get talking to people and you got something in common with them -a dog. i have met loads of people through dog walking , even a close friend who i still talk to this day and shes a lovely lady, i met people of both genders. you could say hi to someone when your dog and there dog is playing around, get chatting about the dogs first, about all the funny things they do etc...i agree with eagleriverdee you need a better attitude towards yourself and life and to find new hobbies.
Last edited by cryingforever; 01-02-2011 at 07:54 PM.
the one thing i can't understand is...How and why even try approaching women if it's 99 percent likely that they won't accept me because most women ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO ATYPICAL guys( typical in america means social, outgoing, decently good at speaking).
in fact at work i approach people and ask them thing cause i have to but i say it slowly and i make mistakes and they all see me as weird and stupid(cause i'm 31 and they would expect me to be mature and a good communicator).
AMericans don't like americans who are slow/different unless you're visibly mentally retarded they'll value you because they understand you have a problem. I'm a bit mentally retarded, because i'm slow, but i don't look like it so people do'nt accept me.
The only girls that have accepted me are foreign girls who don't speak much english and are in the SHy side(usually from asia). Why? Because they're slow in english and i'm slow too so it balances out. They're happy talking with me
THe thing i don't understand and i've never understood is Why would i even bother approaching women when I know most NORMAL or EDUCATED( women who have gone to college etc) in america do not like guys who are ATYPICAL.
Typical guys in america are confident, smooth, fluent in their mother language, and usually in their 30's have a decent job.
I'm quiet/shy/ and i'm shy primarily because what i say never makes sense and i can't control my pronunciation and my language skills suck and i'm slow. so i'm atypical from the usual American guy.
So in this sense, it makes no sense to approach women, sense it's 99 percent guaranteed that although they make respond and be nice, that i won't be their ideal or even close.
That's why i find it easier making foreign friends. I've had great conversations with Shy asian girls who come to study in america or soemthing.. And it's quite easy and i even feel confident. Since i'm slow and they're slow in english too so it balances out and they don't judge me as much(unless thye're already good English speakers then they judge me) and then i've studied an asian language too so sometimes i can make connections.
So it's easy approaching girls who are quiet foreign women but typical american girls….that's just way too difficult.
Case in point..at work i have to talk to people. I try my best but i'm slow and make mistakes because i'm not a great talker but they start teasing me and saying that i'm quiet and saying "why you don't talk..why are you so quiet?" that's just annoying. i'm trying my best and they hate me. they want me to be like them
i'm sure ALL american women arent like that and even if they are they are NOT worthy of your time, its them with the problem not you, you say american women want 'mature' men but they are NOT mature themselves so i wouldnt worry too much about that. there is alot of american women on this site who are not like that, who are lovely and understanding so not all women think like that. i bet in your area you have met alot of idiots but have you been outside your area to meet new people? heres a confession of mine, i am so dumb (in my opinion) i am extremely forgetful, i am not bright heres an example of my dumbness i didnt know that they called helicopters 'choppers' and that word has been going round since like forever thats only 1 example lol but ya know what even though i am really dumb forgetful and not bright i am still proud of myself i am fun loving decent human being and thats what counts and if anyone doesnt like me then go boll** to them there problem not mine. you need to work on your confidence first before meeting a woman me thinks but can you see a counsellor to help you through it?
you need to build up some confidence and have faith in yourself. there is always going to be someone out there for everyone. you are NOT strange you are unique. "cling to your imperfections because they are what makes you unique". Nobody in this world is perfect everyone has flaws. there are plenty of single people in this world i think you should try being more active. theres people everywhere you can meet the love of your life in a grocery store. stop doubting yourself and thinking about the negative things. make a list of all the things you like about yourself and read them everyday. hopefully this will make you feel better.
The Following User Says Thank You to Ashh For This Useful Post: cryingforever (01-10-2011)
Haven't you ever seen couples where both of them are not particularly physically attractive? Or where one half of the couple seems attractive and the other half isn't? What attracts people is so different from one person to the next. If you don't give anyone a chance to get to know you you'll never find out if you're someone's dream man.