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Old 01-02-2011, 10:05 AM   #1
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Living abroad for girlfriend?

HI,

I have been with my gf for 3 years and spent nearly everyday with her. We lived together in England for 2 years (my home) and she is from France. Well we moved to France over a year ago as she "has to be with her friends and family". She was crazy in england and has calmed down since being in her environment.

After a year of being here I am starting to have doubts about being able to live away from my home for all my life - my gf has made it clear she will not live in England - ever. Now we are looking for a new apartment in France and I keep thinking of how nice my life would be at home, but of course that would mean ending my relationship.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and had to move abroad to be with someone - not choosing to move abroad? Do you think it can work?

Last edited by outlandish; 01-02-2011 at 10:06 AM.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 10:15 AM   #2
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

The problem here is you are both in the same situation, If you live in France with her, you need to Give up your life in England, If she moves to England, she has to give up her life in France.

You Both need to be with your friends and family, As well.

It sounds to me that, After a year, you are not happy Living abroad.

If you stay, it may get to the point that you resent her for living the life SHE chose. and if she moved to England, she would maybe resent you for the life you chose. It's a bit of a catch 22 situation.

In My experience, Long Distance Relationships don't work out in the Long Term.

In her absence you would rediscover who you are again, your priorites would change, as hers would being away from the relationship.

I think you should sit down and discuss this with her, figure out what it is that YOU want, and what SHE wants, if you can't come to a compromise, it may be time to call time on the relationship, and get back to your own life where you're happy.

 
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Old 01-02-2011, 10:26 AM   #3
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

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Originally Posted by HannahJane View Post
The problem here is you are both in the same situation, If you live in France with her, you need to Give up your life in England, If she moves to England, she has to give up her life in France.

You Both need to be with your friends and family, As well.

It sounds to me that, After a year, you are not happy Living abroad.

If you stay, it may get to the point that you resent her for living the life SHE chose. and if she moved to England, she would maybe resent you for the life you chose. It's a bit of a catch 22 situation.

In My experience, Long Distance Relationships don't work out in the Long Term.

In her absence you would rediscover who you are again, your priorites would change, as hers would being away from the relationship.

I think you should sit down and discuss this with her, figure out what it is that YOU want, and what SHE wants, if you can't come to a compromise, it may be time to call time on the relationship, and get back to your own life where you're happy.
Yes it is a catch 22 situation. But at the moment I am the one making the sacrifice and it will always have to be that way. Anything that goes wrong in the relationship I immediatly think "I am going home!" as if I am looking for a reason to do so.

We would not do long distance.

I visited home at xmas and realised how good my life could be there. I told her that I wanted time to think about what I wanted to do and she went mental telling everyone that I finished with her, so basically was not willing to give me a second of thinking time. Well after a few days I told her my life was with her regardless of where I had to live (a scarifice that she would not make by the way).

Now I am back here I still feel like I did before and I dont know how or if I can get this feeling to go!

I do feel like we are living her life and that I am a lap dog. I work from home so I am here all day until she comes home from work. Some nights we hardly even talk so it doesnt help.

Last edited by outlandish; 01-02-2011 at 10:28 AM.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 11:12 AM   #4
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

It's time to part ways and go back home. Maybe time apart from one another is what you both need in order to figure out what you want. I would not spend anymore time unhappy and in a country where I don't want to live. Life is too short to be unhappy.
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Old 01-02-2011, 11:16 AM   #5
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

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Originally Posted by Belly Kelly View Post
It's time to part ways and go back home. Maybe time apart from one another is what you both need in order to figure out what you want. I would not spend anymore time unhappy and in a country where I don't want to live. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Regardless of how much I may think that I love her? Do you not think it is a sacrifice worth making to be with someone you love?

 
Old 01-02-2011, 11:33 AM   #6
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

I don't, not if you're so miserable already! What would be the point? And frankly, while you may think you love her, it's pretty clear she doesn't love you as much as you love her. This is a totally unbalanced relationship with you doing all the giving and her doing all and I mean all of the taking. It's totally unfair to you and that's only one of the many problems in this relationship. You have said in the past that every argument is your fault according to her and everytime something goes wrong it's your fault according to her.

So, no, I don't think it's worth sacrificing your happiness for such a terrible girlfriend who does nothing but make you miserable constantly.

Last edited by Kszan; 01-02-2011 at 11:37 AM.

 
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Old 01-02-2011, 12:10 PM   #7
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

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Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
I don't, not if you're so miserable already! What would be the point? And frankly, while you may think you love her, it's pretty clear she doesn't love you as much as you love her. This is a totally unbalanced relationship with you doing all the giving and her doing all and I mean all of the taking. It's totally unfair to you and that's only one of the many problems in this relationship. You have said in the past that every argument is your fault according to her and everytime something goes wrong it's your fault according to her.

So, no, I don't think it's worth sacrificing your happiness for such a terrible girlfriend who does nothing but make you miserable constantly.
Thank you! Glad you remembered my previous thread :-). For those who are curious it is at: http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=706252

Last edited by outlandish; 01-02-2011 at 12:11 PM.

 
Old 01-02-2011, 01:25 PM   #8
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

I think it would be best to sit her down and talk to her about all of the choices.
Maybe you both can settle within a medium of both families.

Either way, you and her should talk about the future and know that without compromise there is no good relationship.

Taking time away from your parner has many benefits, and within the time you can both have time to remember what you love about each other and decide what you really want in life.

Good Luck!
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Old 01-02-2011, 04:51 PM   #9
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

I think there are many sacrifices worth making for someone you love. After all, this is what marriage is about in my opinion. However, they also have to be willing to make sacrifices that will make you happy. Unfortunately, it's hard to come to a compromise in this situation when neither of you want to live in each others home country.
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Old 01-02-2011, 04:58 PM   #10
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

been somewhere where your not happy (meaning ya comfort zone in England) it will drive you crazy. sorry to say this but i dont think it will work out. you both want different things -her france-, -you england-. it may be so painful to break up but sometimes its for the best. so each person can live happily and the way they want to live.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 02:38 AM   #11
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

Thank you for the advice. I cant stop thinking about going home as much as I want to be with my gf I dont think I can be here anymore! It really is a hard situation!

 
Old 01-03-2011, 10:12 AM   #12
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

Well, you move home for a bit. If you find you are not happy and want to be with your girlfriend still, then you can always move back to France. However, be sure to give yourself plenty of time if you move back home. You might feel lonely at first, esp. if you don't have a girlfriend around all the time. Don't confuse the loneliness with your decision. Everything is an adjustment.
Of course, I could be wrong and you might be able to reconnect with old friends, start dating new people, and be completely happy. Good luck with your decision.
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Old 01-04-2011, 04:11 AM   #13
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

This relationship wasn't working in England and it isn't working now whether you're in France with a French girlfriend, or Spain with a Spanish girlfriend (according to your other thread about this relationship).

If this is for real, you clearly are not happy. You cannot stay with her just because you think she's hot. She's abusive and won't change. What is left for you to stay for, other than her looks?

 
Old 01-04-2011, 05:28 AM   #14
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

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Originally Posted by Ely4 View Post
This relationship wasn't working in England and it isn't working now whether you're in France with a French girlfriend, or Spain with a Spanish girlfriend (according to your other thread about this relationship).

If this is for real, you clearly are not happy. You cannot stay with her just because you think she's hot. She's abusive and won't change. What is left for you to stay for, other than her looks?
Yes it is all 100% true! Other than her looks I like the fact she is a woman who knows what she wants, but this can sometimes lead to bossy/dominating sargent major behaviour!

 
Old 01-04-2011, 05:34 AM   #15
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Re: Living abroad for girlfriend?

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Originally Posted by Belly Kelly View Post
Well, you move home for a bit. If you find you are not happy and want to be with your girlfriend still, then you can always move back to France. However, be sure to give yourself plenty of time if you move back home. You might feel lonely at first, esp. if you don't have a girlfriend around all the time. Don't confuse the loneliness with your decision. Everything is an adjustment.
Of course, I could be wrong and you might be able to reconnect with old friends, start dating new people, and be completely happy. Good luck with your decision.
The thing is she will not allow me this time at home...I told her when I was at home over xmas I needed time to stay and think about what to do and she went mad saying that I finished with her?! SO, I didnt want that to be the case so I convinced myself that I wanted to be here with her and came back. Now I am starting to be lost again! Not just because of her, but the environment. I wonder what if I was at home with all the things I have known for my life. I guess travelling and living abroad is for some, but not all. Either way I will have regrets - at home I will think what if I was here with her, and here with her, what if I was at home!!

Very tough situation!

 
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