Me and my boyfriend had a talk last night and he told me one of the things that has put him off me is my moaning he says from the minute I wake up till I go to bed I'm always moaning and that I'm always down and never happy which I know he's true. He also says I'm bitter and still hold grudges from years ago he says it makes me less attractive to him and I'm dragging him down with me. What can I do to stop this?
The following user gives a hug of support to Adelex: music47 (01-06-2011)
You are the ONLY one who can take control of your life. I understand from other posts that you have serious issues with your mother and gran. Okay, so distance yourself from them before you end up just like them. Go out and make some friends - you should never, ever rely on just one person to make you happy. Remember this: "I alone and responsible for my happiness."
You can either take charge of your life, decide who you want to be and work to achieve it, or you can drag yourself down, blame others for the "bad" things that happen to you, and fall into depression and become just like those you blame.
If it's really bad or seems insurmountable, then you should seek counseling. I don't know where you live but there often are free counseling services that you can take advantage of if you can't afford it or don't have health insurance for it. There is nothing to be embarrassed about in seeking out counseling - it's really no different than talking to a friend or a bartender or something similar. It's an impartial person who can listen to you and help you figure out without having a stake in the matter.
It is guaranteed that you will lose your bf if you continue to moan and groan and act bitter. Sure, a man may stay with you physically, but he will seek out people to be around who are more upbeat and not bitter, and you may even drag him down with you.
Just continue to tell yourself that YOU are responsible for your happiness. Go out, join a gym or start walking or running, find ways to meet people. The 'Net has lots of listings of meet-ups where you can find people with similar interests. Make an effort to start saying only nice things. Keep your mouth shut if you feel that you are about to say something bitter or to complain. Pay attention to what you say for a whole month. Keep a journal and hide it from your gran and mother. Tell yourself to ignore their "bad" behavior and remind yourself constantly of the person you really want to be. It takes 21 days to form a habit, so you need to continue to work at it. If you do it faithfully you will become the person you really want to be.
you need therapy to help you work through these issues sounds like you are very close to losing him. he wants to be happy, feeling good, been around happy people (like friends and you etc) and he wants to be full of life but your making it very diffacult for him. i was in similar situation as you and i sorted myself out before it was too late, i got on medication, i am starting therapy my first appointment was wendesday just gone, i am learning to be happy in my own company when i am not around him. i have had 2 days been busy and its been brilliant to get out and about and be more independant and when i came back nothing changed he still loves me, still wanted me, was still there for you infact its bringing us closer so i guess that is a change hes seeing me happy and independant and hes proud of me you NEED to do this aswell. no amount of worrying will do anything as my mum used to say to me ''if hes going to cheat he'll cheat no matter how much you worry or get on at them''. i have learnt to trust and its a big weight lifted off of me. you need to act NOW else you'll be without him as for the family i have no advice there as i dont even know how to deal with my own family issues but i guess therapy will help you with that aswell as it is me.
Last edited by cryingforever; 01-06-2011 at 06:58 PM.
Reason: spellng mistakes
It's such a major turnoff to be around someone who is always negative and complains all the time. You're going to have to find a way to work through your negativity if you hope to keep this guy interested. Most guys have little to no patience with girls like that.
If you are not happy with your current situation in life then it's up to you to make changes to make it better. No one else is going to do it for you and you can't expect great things to just happen. People who live fulfilling lives do so because they go after what they want and don't allow anything to stand in their way. It's time for you to stop complaining and get motivated and do something positive with your life because otherwise I'm 100% sure you will lose this guy because he will get bored and tired of always having to entertain you and make you feel better.
In fact few guys like moaning and whining partners. We all have no patience to that extent to keep on hearing somebody's complains. Everyone is different and has a bucked of problems and a sea of challenges in life. Of course to a certain extent one can tolerate but you will lose the power of tolerating.
He may have his own worries and you heaping one after another hysterically is likely to upset him. Engage in some creative things. Learn some music course or gardening or involve your self in study that makes you less complaining and come up with jokes so that will help you keep company better
Last edited by hb-mod; 01-07-2011 at 12:07 AM.
Reason: Removed quote from prior post. Please use Quick instead of Quote reply. Thanks!
It's good that he felt able to talk to you about it. Now you know how he feels and you're aware that you are pushing him away you can work on changing your attitude. Get yourself a hobby to keep you busy and try talking to a counsellor to help you put your thoughts into perspective.