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Old 01-06-2011, 07:13 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 9
leah688 HB User
Question Relationship Wall?


I just need some opinions please. I have been dating someone for almost 5 months now. At first we saw each other everyday for a month, which I loved. Now we only see each other 2 or 3 nights a week. I took a job that I'm currently commuting to each day. Usually an hour and a half each way, which is exhausting at times, but Im starting to get used to it. Anyway I went on a trip with this guy two days after Christmas to Washington D.C. We spent one night there and I went to his apartment the night before and the night after. We spent a lot of time together, but our trip was amazing. I felt so much closer to him and I loved our time together. Afterward he needed some me time, which was difficult to understand at first, but I get it now. The problem is, I feel like he has this wall up. I know he cares about me, but he has a difficult time saying it. He was cheated on in the past and suffers from PTSD, so Im trying to be patient.

He kisses me, and will hold my hand in public, and has many other sweet gestures but when I try to talk to him about how he feels he kind of jokes about it and avoids the question. I called him out on it last night. We were joking around and he made a funny insult (we have a strange sense of humor) and I said you know, you should be nicer to me in a joking way. He said Im an a-hole, what can I say. I thought this would be a good moment to share my insights with him. I told him that I think he acts that way as a cover, because he really is a nice guy who is afraid of getting hurt. Ive told him, I would never do anything to hurt him, but I still feel like that wall is there. I also feel like it is preventing us from moving forward.

Any advice for tearing that wall down?

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Old 01-06-2011, 07:31 AM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 452
BigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB User
Re: Relationship Wall?

You can't tear his walls down; only he can do that. And believe me, guys do NOT like getting told our insights on their behavior or how they feel or should feel. You can not change him; you can only watch how he treats you, evaluate whether it works for you and whether the whole package is something you can live with, and go with it.

He may hear your remarks and try to "change" but it won't last. He will only be trying to make you happy, and will eventually resent it and feel that you don't like him for who he is.

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