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Old 01-07-2011, 10:33 AM   #1
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Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

Hello. after a year and a half of being with my first everything he called it quits. and its going on 5 months now and im lonely and im not sure if there is hope for me. im still not over him and i still love and care for him. i finally cut off all contact with him a few weeks ago just so i can try to move on. i see he is happy now that im gone he is living his life. he doesnt seem to care much that i do not talk to him. it hurts that somone i thought i could spend the rest of my life with that promised to never hurt me has turned my life upside down. i just would like to know if anyone has ever been heart broken before and if they could possibly share their experiences of heartbroken to happiness.also if you can tell me if you found someone better. i really just need to know there is hope for me and that i wont be alone and miserable for the rest of my life.

 
Old 01-07-2011, 11:17 AM   #2
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

Every woman on this site has been hurt before, and we all felt it as deeply as you are feeling it. Your first love, especially, never leaves your head or your heart. But each relationship is a learning experience.

Just continue to take time to heal. Don't listen to any stories about him, don't torture yourself thinking he's out there having fun. Men (and some women) often hide their true feelings and appear to be having fun. I'm sure he has not forgotten how much you meant to him, but for some reason known only to him, he has chosen to move on. Your job now is to take time to be alone, process the grief and then think about the relationship and lessons that you can learn from it - good and bad.

It does absolutely NO good to think about him or to talk about him or to listen to others talking about him. Why should you sit in misery? The best defense is an offense. So take yourself in hand, tell yourself every morning on waking and every evening before going to bed (in front of the bathroom mirror is a great place) that you are going to find something today to be happy about, that you are going to have good dreams in bed, that you are a special woman and someone out there who is wonderful will be lucky to have you! Keep it up and very soon you will find that you are coming out of your funk and believing in yourself. You will find your confidence again.

 
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Old 01-07-2011, 11:19 AM   #3
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

It happens, everyone goes through multiple breakups before they find someone worthwhile. Its good you finally cut off contact because that's the only way you'll be able to move on. But you can't concern yourself with what he is doing niw because it doesn't matter if he is happy or sad or anything, he is no longer a factor in your life. It's no longer about both of you, it's all about you 100%, that's all that matters now.

You'll find someone better eventually, just do your own thing now. You shouldn't try to jump into another relationship right away but its ok to date people to see what else is out there. No one ever stays with their first love, so don't worry so much about that. Just concentrate on moving forward with your life and eventually you'll meet someone while you're out there doing things you enjoy. Don't be in a hurry, enjoy your freedom and look for fun things to do.

 
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Old 01-07-2011, 12:50 PM   #4
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashh View Post
i just would like to know if anyone has ever been heart broken before and if they could possibly share their experiences of heartbroken to happiness.also if you can tell me if you found someone better. i really just need to know there is hope for me and that i wont be alone and miserable for the rest of my life.
I think it's safe to say that anyone on this board (or anyone who has loved) has had their heartbroken. All of the other posters mentioned some great things about what to do.

My only other thing would be to do things that you like and not focus on finding someone. Take this time to heal (which was mentioned) before really trying to get involved with anyone else. It won't be fair to you or to the other person if you're not over your ex. Just continue to do things that make you happy and you'll see everything will work itself out.

There's PLENTY of life and happiness in the world after a breakup. It's up to YOU to decide to be apart of that and not wallow in misery.

Take care.

 
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Old 01-07-2011, 01:23 PM   #5
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

Will things get better? Yes.

Best,
S

 
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Old 01-07-2011, 05:11 PM   #6
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

hope it somehow makes you feel better to know that i'm going through the same thing now...my first love and it was over a couple of months ago. i'm not over it yet; still going through the cycles of being angry, sad, disappointed, happy, relieved,etc. it does hurt thinking of her being out having fun and i'm sitting at home wishing i wasn't hurting anymore. the funny thing is that i wanted out months ago but never did anything. it was my first relationship and i really didn't know what was "normal" for a relationship or what should be tolerated. i can't understand how i can miss someone this much that was just wrong for me and made me feel so bad about myself.

despite this, i still feel like calling her. there are times that i cave and do call and we'd talk for a while, "just like the old days". it feels good for the time but soon after it makes me feel even worse and i almost have to start the grieving process all over again. it really hurts not having that person around when you've had them around for a year and a half. i'm also wondering how long it will be until i'm completely over this.

 
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Old 01-07-2011, 07:45 PM   #7
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

I understand completely what you're going through! I went through a really bad, hard breakup about a year and a half ago. I was with a guy for 2.5 years, we lived together, had a dog, we talked about marriage, etc. and then it all came crashing down one day. I felt like my world had been turned upside down (and if you go and look at my posts from that time, you can see exactly how I felt at the time). Like you, I saw my whole future with my ex, and I couldn't picture anything different. It is honestly one of the saddest and scariest things to ever have to go through! I moved back in with my mom when we first broke up and I honestly had some times where we would just sit and I would cry so hard I couldn't breathe. It was one of the most devastating things I had ever been through.

I wish there was something that any of us could do to really help you, but the best we can do is let you know that you WILL be okay. There is absolutely no way around it. You will move on, you will be happy, and you will find love again... and it will be a better suited love than your previous. It does take time to get over and move on, but it will happen. What helped me the most was to constantly remind myself that I would move on, I would be happy again and find love again. I needed to know that my break up was not the end of the world, nor was it the end of my happiness. Of course, it wasn't. I am now in a great relationship that is much better than my last. The issues I had with my ex (like trust issues) don't exist with my current boyfriend... and I can't tell you how good it feels to be in a healthy, happy relationship. My current boyfriend is much better suited for me than my ex, and now I know that our breakup did happen for a reason. I've changed so much in just the past year and a half since the breakup...all in good ways! I don't know if you and your ex had any major issues, but either way, it is possible to find a happy loving relationship again.

Take this time to figure things out for yourself. Set goals for yourself, figure out what you want from life, what you need to work on about yourself, what you want in future relationships, etc.

Be strong and remind yourself every day... or several times a day if you need, that you will get through it, you will be okay, and you'll be happy again. You will look back on this period in your life and realize that you came through stronger, and better than before.

Last edited by Mary83; 01-07-2011 at 07:50 PM.

 
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Old 01-07-2011, 10:10 PM   #8
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

Oh definately!

It always gets better. You now apparantly just have a bar set with how you felt with this person.

Heartbreak happens, it happens to us all, its going to happen several times more times in our lives.

The easiest road to recovery is to identify that you are hurt from the rejection and move on, there are others out there who are looking for someone exactly like you.

I mean seriously, what made that person so "unique" anyways?

Lemme guess.... they made you smile, made you laugh, they enjoyed having fun times, they made you feel good about yourself, they were great kissers, they had a great body, they wanted a family one day, the same type of house? Hmmm.... keep listing these great achievements.... the more you list... the more ridiculous it sounds that they were ever unique in our eyes at all!

Its not heartless, but its reality. Nothing about any of us is any more unique than the next person. There are so many people out there that have all of our qualities, being "unique" is not realistic.

You think they are the only person that can make you smile? Are they the only smart or good looking person out there? Are they the only one that "really knows us" lol. All of those silly things we assign people, they are just not the reality of life.

Take a littlee time, mourn the loss, then start figuring out who you are and what you want from life. Then go get it, go pursue what it is that makes you feel special about yourself, and the rest will take care of itself.

Another "perfect match" will be just around the corner, and eventually you will find "The One" and that relationship will not end the way all of our misfires do until we meet that person.

 
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Old 01-08-2011, 04:48 AM   #9
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Smile Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

time will heal you, it always feels like it never can but in time it really does and we get over it. you 2 are ex's for a reason means you werent mean't to be. you'll find someone who you will be suitable. dont rush though. stay positive at all times.keep busy.

 
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Old 01-08-2011, 09:14 AM   #10
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

I know how you feel, I went through the exact same thing several years ago. I can't tell you you'll meet someone else, because the cold, hard truth is, you may not. I never did. Despite my best efforts, thousands of dollars to singles agencies and clubs and every online dating site known to man, hitting everything from clubs to church functions, friends fixing me up, etc., I never met anyone who wanted to date me more than once. I'm almost 46 now, and recently had a health blip that made it almost impossible to have kids now, even if the clock weren't almost out.

Life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to, but I don't think that's the secret to peace of mind. I think you have to learn whatever lessons there are to learn from the experiences life gives us, and just be the best version of ourselves that we know how to be, and the rest will take care of itself.

I can't promise you you won't be alone, but you don't have to be miserable. Am I as happy as I would have been had I found a loving, trustworthy, compatible life partner and a family to love and raise? Not even close. But the best thing you can do is built a life you're proud of and that has some goal, some passion for something you really care about, friends and family of some kind. And what you were meant to have will come.

One more thing...as lonely as I get sometimes, and as sad as I get sometimes that I never got to know real love, I never regret the end of my relationship, painful as it was at the time. We would have made each other miserable, and I'm much better off without im in my life.

 
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Old 01-10-2011, 10:32 AM   #11
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

thank you soo much i really appreciate this.

Last edited by Ashh; 01-10-2011 at 10:32 AM.

 
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Old 01-10-2011, 10:34 AM   #12
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Re: Very heartbroken is there happiness after this?

thanks everyone , i really appreciate you all taking the time to give me advice. this really means alot to me and its helped motivate me to focus on myself and get over my ex. thank you thank you!!

 
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