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Old 01-25-2011, 10:50 PM   #16
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Re: help me please

Ive already told him i wont help him financially,needless to say this has caused quite a rift between us.Ive never seen him so ridgid and unbending. or irrational in his thinking that somehow this is normal behavior.It seems like he's obsessed with her.Also im footing all his bills right now,but he feels no loyalty to me as his mother.I never dreamed that i would take a back seat to stranger.He seems to think he has it sooo bad here.I told him Indonesia is not anything like the U.S.At least if he's here i got his back.Im so afraid this is somekind of scam,and i'll never hear from him again if he leaves.This is really starting to depress me,and ive never been depressed in my life,even tho im prone to anxiety.Anyhow thanks for all the replies.I will keep everyone updated as things go along.

 
Old 03-03-2011, 06:28 AM   #17
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Re: help me please

Just a quick update here,it seems since my son has been living here,taking no meds,he seems to be doing better.Nothing changed in his planning to go to Indonesia,except now he wants to go over there,get the girl,and bring her over here to get married.I dont know how much anyone on this thread knows about the muslim culture,but its hard for me to believe,that her parents are going to let her go just like that.He mentioned about moving to Canada if he didn't decide to stay in the states.Right now he's waiting on a call back about getting a job.Im afraid he's not going to be too thrilled with me,when i tell him to start coughing up some money for my increased grocery bill.Even tho my husband has 2 jobs,one good paying the other not so good,im spending close to 800 a month on groceries.In 19 yrs a marriage i never spent 200 a wk for food.My son metabolism isnt like normal peoples,if he doesn't eat a certain amount of food,he loses weight.There are 3 other people living in this house,who are feeling the pinch,of giving up the little snaks we used to have for ourselves.Now im buyng him his snaks,plus his dinner.The rest of us no longer have extra money,to afford to buy snaks for the rest of us.If he doesn't get a job soon,im just gonna run out of money,for the extra snaks i buy him,then i don't know whats gonna happen.Well that's about it for now,i will report back,if anything else new happens.Thanks for listening.

 
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Old 03-03-2011, 06:31 AM   #18
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Re: help me please

ok but how is he going to go there and get her without any money and without any financial assistance from you? I'd just let him talk and say yeah yeah yeah, and it probably will never materialize.....how can it?

 
Old 03-03-2011, 06:47 AM   #19
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Re: help me please

I agree with Rose. How is he going to get there without money unless you give it to him? And even if he gets a job, he sounds like a complete screwup so I doubt he will be employed for long enough to make enough money for all of the travel and necessary paperwork.

You need to get as much information as you can about this girl. Have they ever talked on the phone? Does he know its really a woman for sure? There was a news story last week about a guy who sent $200,000 to his online girlfirend who turned out to be fake but until the police told him she didn't exist, he didn't believe them! I can totally see this happening to your son, apparently he is not all that bright. So, ask a million questions about her but don't make it obvious that you are digging for information. Keep it conversational like you're interested. He doesn't sound smart enough to pick up on the fact that you'd be fishing for info. Once you get her name and her contaact information, have your friend look into it and see what they can find out! That's what you need to do, what other choice do you have?

In the meantime, don't give him any money!! If you have to pay his bills (which I don't think you should do but I digress) then you write the checks for each bill yourself so he can't turn around and use that money for this dumb idea of his. Any money you give him he will put toward that trip, so don't give him any money at all! Not even a quarter!!!!

 
Old 04-01-2011, 06:35 PM   #20
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Unhappy Re: help me please

Quote:
Originally Posted by suzyshop1 View Post
Im about ready to lose my mind.My son suffers from bi-polar,depression,and anxiety.Recently he seperated from his wife of 13 yrs,mostly because of his mental problems. He also coundnt hold down a job any longer.He met online a young woman from Idonesia,who hes been corresponding online with for about 3 months now.He now wants to up and go to Indonesia,to marry her.The part of the world he is planning to go to is not one of the safest places to go.Ive done my research on it and it sounds like a dangerous place to go.We are fighting over him wanting me to finanically support his going.How can i as a mother in good faith help him,to do something in my heart of hearts,i think is irresponsible and dangerous.I also forgot to mention he lives with me and has no means of support,because of his mental capabilities.I have been taking care of him,and im afraid that i am going to lose him as my son ,because i won't do what he wants.It's like he's obsessed with this young woman,to the point where he will not listen to reason.I'ts really scaring me because he also had a anger problem.He said that im his mom and that he would never hurt me,but im not certain that he wouldn't if he lost his temper.His dad walked out on us yrs ago,and up till about a yr ago,when my son cut his wrist,his father finally started to at least have somekind of contact with him.How can i help my son,do something that i think is wrong?Anyone have any opinions or ideas.Thankyou for listening.
I'm confused. In a recent post, you stated your son was 12 and that you only have one son. That was in a different thread, but how can your 12 year old son be recently separated?

 
Old 04-02-2011, 11:23 AM   #21
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Re: help me please

suzy, look hun you need to stop doing everything for him and buying his snacks and everyone else go short its not fair hes well taking advantage and you are letting him. put your foot down else this could end up in a big mess meaning deeper depression, no money, no life. hes old enough to do things for himself. sounds extremely ungrateful. i know its diffacult for you because your a mother but you and everybody else is suffering due to his needs and demands.

oh yes i see another thread it says you have another son with problems too ADD or something? hows things going with that?

Last edited by cryingforever; 04-02-2011 at 11:29 AM.

 
Old 04-03-2011, 01:57 AM   #22
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My original post is about my 30 yr old son who wants to go to another country to marry a girl he met online.In my second posting in talking about my 30 yr old son,i mentioned that i also have a 12 yr old son. Hope this clears things up. Thanks for replying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
suzy, look hun you need to stop doing everything for him and buying his snacks and everyone else go short its not fair hes well taking advantage and you are letting him. put your foot down else this could end up in a big mess meaning deeper depression, no money, no life. hes old enough to do things for himself. sounds extremely ungrateful. i know its diffacult for you because your a mother but you and everybody else is suffering due to his needs and demands.

oh yes i see another thread it says you have another son with problems too ADD or something? hows things going with that?
You are correct in thinking that i have more than one son, my original post was about my 30 yr old son.In my other post i mentioned my 12 yr old son,maybe having ADHD.We took my 12 yr son to the neuro,who says he definitely has ADHD.They gave us a script for meds to help him calm down and focus better.We have next appt at end of this month.Thanks for asking.

UPDATE= my son just got a well paying job,he will be saving all his money up to get an apartment,go over to Indonesia bring the woman here and marry her.Im not as upset as i was,because he says he's coming back here or moving to Canada to live.Im still not crazy over the fact,that he's planning to marry someone he's never met.I can't talk him out of it,only hope that he really does come back and not be persuaded by her family to stay there.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 04-03-2011 at 05:01 AM.

 
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