My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and four months. We started dating my Junior year of High school when I moved to Louisiana from Ohio. He was a senior when we started dating. Everything went well the first year of our relationship. We did not argue, and our intimate life was everything I had ever wanted in a relationship. My boyfriend is my first boyfriend, and my first everything.
When my boyfriend went away to go to college (it is only a thirty minute drive) I found myself becoming more clingy and paranoid about him cheating on me and talking with other girls. Before he started dating me, he was dating another girl and talking to me at the same time. We began dating on a rocky surface, that led me to believe that he could eventually end up doing the same thing to me. I found myself constantly fighting with him about the most ridiculous things, such as him not texting me back quick enough or not calling at night to say good night like we use to. We would argue almost two to three times a week. Towards the end of his first year at college, he went on a camping trip with a few of his friends. He had told me that it was just two of his guy friends, and one of the guy's girlfriends that he was going with. I was upset with him for going because it was during Spring Break and I hadn't gotten to see him in over a week. We ended up going on the trip, and came back and everything was fine.
A few months later, I found out that he had lied to me about the camping trip. He had actually gone with two guys and two girls, and one of those girls being single. The bad part about finding out about the lie, was that his friend told me that he had lied to me. My boyfriend apologized to me and tried to make it better.
This was over six months ago, and I still do not trust him. I find myself constantly asking him who he is texting, and trying to go through his e-mails. He has caught me snooping through his e-mails and says that he no longer trusts me because of that. For the last few months I have been working on not asking him so much about, and not looking through his e-mails.
Our intimate life has also become very distraught. He is never in the mood and says that he would prefer to just cuddle, and lay next to each other. I am not sure what is going, but I am not sure how much longer I can take feeling down about myself because of the state of our relationship. I have started going out to clubs, and have been seeking the attention of other men to fill the void that my boyfriend leaves me with.
I ask for any advice that can be given towards this topic. Please help.
hi there, sorry to hear about your troubles. he broke your trust so i dont blame you for been worried. i think though that sometimes damage cant be repaired. do you think you would ever be able to trust him? be realy really honest with yourself. if he reasured you could you believe it, honestly though? you have to think long and hard because without trust you have nothing. seeking attention from men...have you cheated? wether you have or not thats really not a good move at all. no matter how much attention you get from men it doesnt take away the issues you have its only a temporary buzz i guess but its just not worth going down that road. you need to think, talk to him, make some decisions or compromises.
It sounds like the two of you are just growing apart. You met young, dated young. You were kids who are now becoming adults. The odds that the two of you would have ever been together forever were slim. Honestly, if it isn't going to last between the two of you....do you feel that's likely?...it would be so nice if the two of you could just talk it out, cry it out and move on. The idea of cheating and lying will damage what could have been a very sweet memory of your youth and life. The relationship may just have to end. It may just be time. But if it is, try not to let it get ugly.
The Following User Says Thank You to resolution09 For This Useful Post: cryingforever (01-15-2011)
I have not cheated on my boyfriend. That is something I personally would never be able to do, ever. I would never even imagine doing something like that because I care too much about him. He is my best friend. We are both very committed to one another, and have never cheated. Thank you for your response and advice. We have talked about our problem just recently and came to a compromise. I posted this thread in hopes to be able to put down my thoughts and think clearly.
To Resolution09: We are not growing apart. I can assure you of that, haha. We are a very close couple to be completely honest with you. We are best friends, and still a very close couple. It is not a matter of us growing apart I don't think, but more so me overcoming barriers that I have put up against him. I feel that as a couple we can last forever. We are committed to each other, and since the lying incident, my boyfriend has done nothing but prove that he is being honest with me and trying to earn my trust back. I believe that I am being the problem more so, with constantly bringing up the past and telling him he hurt me. I do not believe our relationship will end, he is still too important to me. I still care about him deeply. Thank you as well for the advice.
hi, you said.: Before he started dating me, he was dating another girl and talking to me at the same time. We began dating on a rocky surface, that led me to believe that he could eventually end up doing the same thing to me".
1 thing I learned in high school that has always stuck with me. is, "if they'll cheat with you? they'll cheat on you! male or female! I've found that to be true since the 1960's people are who they are
and that's all I got to say bout that
happiness is a way of life, not a goal in life, success comes in cans not can'ts
You both seem to have gotten involved at a very young age,people change as they get older,and they sometimes outgrow the person that they were with,at that young age.Being that your relationship started on a not so good footing,did you really things would be different for you?Didn't it send up any red flags,in the beginning of your relationship,that if he wasn't honest in a previous relationship,that he might not be totally honest with you?Are you going to be able to put the lying incident behind you?Will he in the future lie to you to cover for someything that he wants to do,knowing you won't approve?Only you can ask answer those questions.Im not saying that your relationship can't work, im just saying can you live with the douts you have,without it interfering with your relationship?You either can't forgive or you can.But if he's trying to make it up to you,you can't continue to throw it in his face.Either you can live with it or you can't,your choice.