It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-15-2011, 09:32 PM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 5
Antioch HB User
Question Woman's response to my friendly email

I am a male 50 plus years of age and recieved this response to my expression of fondness from this woman:

"For my part, I must apologize for not following through on my verbal commitment to further our relationship. I am sorry that I disappointed you with regard to your initiative.

In reality I have enough commitments on my plate and with participation in church related activities, that realistically, I am not able to take on any additional commitments..

With regards to e-mail, my usual rule of thumb is that I tend not to send messages that require much of an emotional investment. I find it just works out better that way. Most of my emailing is done at work for work-related matters, and that's the mode I'm in most of the time for social connections as well, I'm afraid! "

I dont know what to make of this message. Anton

 
Old 01-15-2011, 10:50 PM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,111
writeleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

Hello Anton,

Right away I sense both of you are thoughtful, well spoken people, you with a love of writing and able to bear your soul in words.

She appears to me as being a professional woman, devoted to her church and more reserved with her personal thoughts. She has obviously take great care with her words, giving you the utmost regard. Her words are sincere.

It was a thoughtful and well written email that was meant to explain the reasons why responding to your heartfelt emails was difficult for her to respond to, as well as her time being taken with church events, and her computer use is typically done from a work setting, not lending itself to deep thoughts. She admits that she does not normally write in the style you do.

She acknowledges that she had made a verbal commitment to continue with the relationship as it was, but has realized that it there are conflicting demands that she could not resolve. She cannot maintain the emailing.

This is a very interesting post. I am anxious to see what our other posters have to say on this one. I hope you find the answers you are seeking. You sound like a wonderful man with a lot of love to share. This woman could not fit your kind of man into her life, but the next one might love it! You appear to be a romantic, she more of a dutiful type, highly organized likely.

My best to you...

 
The Following User Says Thank You to writeleft For This Useful Post:
Antioch (01-16-2011)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-16-2011, 03:27 AM   #3
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 5
Antioch HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

Here is another email excerpt from this woman after I told her (by email) my joy in being with her on a date the previous evening:

"Your last email was quite informative however the foregoing conclusions you presented were, interestingly, not in accordance with my particular conservative philosophy. It seems that my thoughts for and about you are increasing as time goes by. This series of events and my encounters with you are slowly changing my particular lifestyle mode.

As a rule of thumb, I typically do not agree that change for me is in my best interests however your emotional comments are, at this point, both flattering and, in my estimation, a well thought out ploy for putting my thoughts of and about you in a more favorable light. "

After having a fun evening on a date - she quickly said goodby and exited my car. Any thoughts about this womans intentions. Anton

 
Old 01-16-2011, 05:49 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Belly Kelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 852
Blog Entries: 1
Belly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

She's telling you she isn't interested. She had a nice date, but she doesn't seem to want to fill her calendar with a relationship. Honestly, I see fear in her words. She enjoys your words and the attention, but she fears having a relationship.

May I ask how you met her and how you ended up going on a date?

I know many older women (I am assuming older because of the language used) who said they didn't want to date, but then kept being pursued by a man and they finally came around.

Perhaps call her and talk to her. Be her friend. Seems she doesn't like to use email as a way of communicating. She seems to be giving you mixed signals. You can continue with her if you really like her, or walk away not wanting to play the game.
__________________
"There's a big difference in playing the victim than in causing your own personal drama." -BK

Last edited by Belly Kelly; 01-16-2011 at 05:51 AM.

 
Old 01-16-2011, 06:19 AM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 220
xpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

I can't even figure out what this woman is even talking about...GAH!
__________________
*I rest my case!*

 
Old 01-16-2011, 06:31 AM   #6
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 5
Antioch HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

We met through a Music Club which books concerts and musical comedy shows as well as other entertainment around town. I have known her for about 9 months and dating for about 5 months.

Ive never been asked to her condo - she has come to my condo frequently but only when there is other company around. She hesitates to confirm any invitation until after she knows who else is coming or why we are going. She refuses only when she does not like the company of particular guests. But she doesnt tell me why she resents them. She also hates when I question her for even trivial matters.

 
Old 01-16-2011, 09:14 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,316
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

I tend not to send messages that require much of an emotional investment.

these are her words....
have you ever watched star trek?
this woman speaks/writes/thinks like SPOCK

 
The following user gives a hug of support to rosequartz:
PrincessSweetNS (02-02-2011)
Old 01-16-2011, 01:23 PM   #8
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 220
xpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

Yeah like she's trying to win some literary contest...WTH talks like that in real life? OH Spock...not real life...
__________________
*I rest my case!*

 
Old 01-16-2011, 03:13 PM   #9
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,111
writeleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

Anton,

After reading the additional email you posted, I would say that you have knocked her socks off, and now she is off balance and feeling out of control. I would assume that she never allows control to be given to anyone. Her normal response when her beliefs are challenged seems to be rejection, leave me alone, I will not change.

She does slip in acknowledgment of you offering something she is both not used to, and is afraid of...you are just too free for her. She seems very tightly wound.

Her message is mixed, at best. It is not clear exactly what she is thinking..her words are so contrived. I think she would love nothing better than to be free enough to have a ball with you, BUT she is not made that way. She is getting in her own way of love.

It is so unfortunate that she cannot make decisions without knowing who will be there, who will not. When in a group with shared interests, having "enemies" makes no sense. To be blunt she is a control freak. Her way, or no way. Very inflexible.

Very interesting though, and of course, I could be all wrong. It always nice to get lots of feedback from different viewpoints. I hope this helps a bit. You sound like a lovely man, in an unusual situation. My best to you.

 
Old 01-16-2011, 04:26 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,390
Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anton Kruzich View Post
I am a male 50 plus years of age and recieved this response to my expression of fondness from this woman:

"[...]With regards to e-mail, my usual rule of thumb is that I tend not to send messages that require much of an emotional investment."[...]
This woman seems terrible at expressing anything personal in writing! It's way too formal and business like and she even says she doesn't want to do it. Take her at her word. If you want to find out what is going on with her, you are going to have to talk to her, preferably in person.

You'll be doing nothing but guessing at what she is trying to tell you. Personally, I can't make heads or tales of it - I just get a negative feeling from it. You really are going to have to get her to talk to you.

 
Old 01-16-2011, 05:25 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Belly Kelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 852
Blog Entries: 1
Belly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB User
Re: Womans response to my friendly email

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anton Kruzich View Post
We met through a Music Club which books concerts and musical comedy shows as well as other entertainment around town. I have known her for about 9 months and dating for about 5 months.

Ive never been asked to her condo - she has come to my condo frequently but only when there is other company around. She hesitates to confirm any invitation until after she knows who else is coming or why we are going. She refuses only when she does not like the company of particular guests. But she doesnt tell me why she resents them. She also hates when I question her for even trivial matters.
After your response here, I have to say that she seems to have the upper hand in this relationship and you are just going for the ride.

May I ask if you want more from this lady or are you content?

Honestly, dating should not be hard to figure out. It's often easy and fun with a person you really like and who likes you back. It feels good and doesn't leave all these questions.

The original email was strange because on one hand she is telling you that she enjoys your company, but on the other hand, she is pushing you away.

My advice? If you really want more, then back off and let her make the next move. She will come around once she realizes you are not hanging out for her.

If you have been dating for 5 months, you deserve to know where your relationship stands. She needs to stop playing games with your head!
__________________
"There's a big difference in playing the victim than in causing your own personal drama." -BK

 
Old 01-17-2011, 05:30 AM   #12
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,714
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: Woman's response to my friendly email

Wow, although English is not my main tongue, I find this email and the other one too formal, unemotional, detached, cold. If her style of emailing matches her personality, then it's clear to me that she is also formal, unemotional, detached and cold. I can't see anything promising in a relationship with this woman, unless she is willing to let go of her silly and pointless defenses. A serious therapy might help her, but can you afford to wait for her? You better move on.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 08:36 AM   #13
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 462
Ely4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB User
Re: Woman's response to my friendly email

This woman seems to be emotionally detatched at the very least. You say you've been dating for 5 months, but you haven't been to hers and she only comes to yours when other people are there. So it appears she's also avoiding spending any time alone with you in a situation that isn't in a public place.

From reading what you've put it doesn't seem like you have any kind of real relationship with her, and possibly never will.

 
Old 01-18-2011, 09:39 PM   #14
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 5
Antioch HB User
Re: Woman's response to my friendly email

Three days ago I emailed her and suggested that we each go our separate ways while not citing any reasons for the split. No phone calls or word from her as of tonight. I figure it is a lost cause and better for both of us. Anton

 
Old 01-19-2011, 05:07 AM   #15
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,955
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: Woman's response to my friendly email

Anton, I don't get it. Do men actually find cold and unemotional women like her appealing? I can't figure out why unless it's some male instinct to want to chase and conquer a seemingly unavailable woman. But it seems so weird to me that you would be so enthralled by a woman who is so obviously looney tunes. No one talks like that or writes like that. This isn't the 1800s where such formalities are accepted anymore. The more I read her prose, the more I think she does it on purpose to either make people think she is a nutjob or because she thinks she is better than everyone else. She is clearly a total poser trying to act high and mighty and she has been very condescending toward you. Its a huge blessing you ended things because she isn't the type of woman that is worth your time. You're too nice to be stuck with a cold and condescending person like her!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Am I insecure or is he friendly without boundaries? helpforlostone Relationship Health 10 10-21-2008 06:48 AM
Suspicious email mannie8 Relationship Health 34 07-15-2007 08:13 PM
appropriate response? Michelle195 Relationship Health 7 05-09-2007 06:26 PM
her was her response kalbc311 Relationship Health 15 01-03-2006 06:04 PM
What does a woman usually mean by 'a friendly date'? DonutsNCoffee Relationship Health 30 12-07-2005 06:51 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (271), rosequartz (251), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (95), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1164), MSJayhawk (997), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (832), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (745), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:12 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!