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Old 01-16-2011, 05:50 PM   #1
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Unhappy My sister hates me....

My sister hates me....Just today she told my mother that she no longer wants me to be the maid of honor in her wedding because...well honestly I don't know why. I am so hurt right now, but that doesn't matter to anyone, not her or anyone in my family. The two other bridesmaids are older than I am and have more money to throw an elaborate shower and bacholarette party, and I don't. My sister also lives 300 miles away from me, so it is difficult for me to help her do anything for the wedding. She claims I do nothing at all to help....I don't know what is going on at all and every time I talk to her she is SO mean to me. Every time I see her my stomach is in knots, just waiting for her to start yelling at me for something or attacking me verbally...ever since we where young she has been mean to me, always calling me names and has been so cruel to me. I love my sister and I just don't understand why she hates me so much....why would she ask me to be the maid of honor to begin with if she hated me so much? In her pervious marriage, which none of my family where at because she didn't care and just got married in the court, I never knew till 2 months later she was married. Her ex-husband left her and my family and I went 600 miles to get her and help her bring her things home. He was very abusive after he came back from Iraq and I did everything I could to help her....got her a legal advocate from a woman's shelter, helped her set up appointments with a counsler, get medication from a doctor, even talked to her ex's commanding officer concerning the matters of abuse....she was going to get re-married in a church to her ex so the family could be there, but that didn't happen. I spent so much money on the shower and things for the wedding, and plus my dress I never wore...I was the one who had to go to the bridal shop and explain my sisters mess, she didn't care about the fact that they where going to sue me, my mom, and all the other bridesmaids if we didn't buy the dresses......and with the current man she is engaged to, 95% of my family found out about it from Facebook, including me! She says I never said congratulations to her, but how in the world am I suppose to act if her way of telling me is just by posting pictures of the ring on facebook?!?!

I don't understand why she is doing this and why she hates me so much. Every time I am around her she is mean, usually commenting on my weight saying I am an "anorexic *****". I am not anorexic and I don't know if she treats me this way because she is a heavier person or why.....I really love her and wish she wouldn't hate me so much, I just don't know what to do. I can't talk to her because she has a VERY bad temper and even results to physical violence if angered enough, which sadly doesn't take much....I just don't understand.....she does nothing but talk bad about me to everyone, even says things that are not true at all. As a result, I think even more people hate me too. She was always babied and given everything when we where little, it seemed like I was just "there". I am just so hurt right now because she won't even tell me herself I am not the maid of honor, and I have no idea why, there was no reasoning really. I cannot go to the wedding at all, who would? I just can't even explain how I feel and how much it pains me I will not be there or even part of it. She doesn't care though, she just cares, as she told my mom, "worried about her own happiness, and as long as she is happy". I have already done things for this wedding she didn't know about because I wanted it to be a surprise....but now, I guess all that is just more stuff for the garbage man to pick up on his next round. Is there something wrong with ME that she hates me so much? I just don't know

 
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Old 01-17-2011, 04:38 AM   #2
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Re: My sister hates me....

I once read somewhere (and I think this is true) that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Hate is simply the other face of love, if that makes sense to you. If she says painful things to you, that certainly means that she is in pain herself. She deserves some compassion, but from a distance, I guess.

It's hard to give advice, but I think that in your case you'd be better to back away from your sister, leave her alone, go on with your own life and let her live hers the way she wants to. This is not your problem. Release yourself from her influence and try to find some inner power in yourself to make your life worth living and help the people who are willing to receive your help.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 07:26 AM   #3
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Re: My sister hates me....

your not alone. my brother has always bullied me, been mean to me, said the most cruelest things ever and hes never said why. even my parents cant understand it but they show no support to me either. i had to shut my brother out of my life as it upset me too much as i do love my brother but hes a very nasty person and i wasnt going to put up with it anymore.

back to you, right well in my advice i would say walk away, leave her be and just get on with your life , shes done it all your life so she probably isnt going to change, or ask her what is wrong, maybe write a letter if you can't ask by phone or face to face or email her. i would also advise if it gets too much to stand up to her tell her how this makes YOU feel , some people might not agree with me but sometimes people need to be told, need to understand,need to listen and need to know that the whole universe doesnt revolve around them and that other people have feelings aswell -like you. some people need to be told it is not right to treat people like dirt i finally snapped back at my brother after years of taking abuse for no reason and now hes backed off a little but it helps that i refuse to visit my parents house if he is there and i have changed my number i put a stop to the abuse. i would just get a random text completely out of the blue with abusive horrible words and phone calls harrassing me all the time and i mean all day and every day. dont let anyone treat you like dirt for no reason. stand up to them or ignore and walk away. sometimes you just have to put people out of your life , some might say ''oh buts its family''...just because its family doesnt mean you always have to be there -especially to be treat like dirt. what has your parents said? she ever told you a decent reason as to why she treats you so bad? i feel your pain i really do your not alone.

i also think she could be jealous of you in some way. only she knows though if thats the case and most people deny they have this problem. i think actions and the way people treat people badly shows jealousy alot of the time.

Last edited by cryingforever; 01-17-2011 at 07:29 AM.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 07:54 AM   #4
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Re: My sister hates me....

I've learned the hard way that sometimes the only thing you can do is walk away and let them get on with it.

I don't have contact with my sister anymore. I couldn't be bothered dealing with all the lies and manipulation anymore. Our Mum can't bring herself to walk away, so still has to put up with it from time to time. Our brother also has had to distance himself from her.

I know it's difficult, but you have to think of yourself, and if she's only adding negativity to your life and contributing nothing positive then you have to decide if she deserves a place in your life.

 
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