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Old 01-16-2011, 06:45 PM   #1
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When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

These 2 things have really made me depressed my whole life. It really is the only area of my life I am haveing problems with. I am doing great at work and have a great career ahead of me. Fact is now I am 28 yrs old and still havnt grown up past that party stage. I think the main problem is I have not had a steady girlfriend and I really desire too. The main reason I go out and party/clubs is to meet girls. I know it is not the best way too but I really do not know any other way. I am certaintly getting tired of it. I really do not know how to meet girls. I undersand what they want and look for and I am starting to wonder if I am really just not that desirable to women. I am short 5'7'' and my hairline is starting to recede. Outside of that I am deceant looking and am built well...exercise a lot. I feel that I have a good personality aside from being a little shy when first meeting people. I know looks are not everything...but as a man the height thing seems to be quite a big deal. I have had girlfriends in the past and several while I have been here...but they all have been very short lived and not with the girls I truely want to be with. Most of my realtionships have been formed between a mixture of alcohol and luck. It was much easier for me in college because I had a lot of friends and 'social proof' to say...a lot of ppl said good things about me etc..But being in a place where no one really knows me it is hard to show people who I am.

I feel like I am pretty confident person, but I am not so social. I know that is a problem for me too. In college I had a lot of freinds but it was mainly because I knew a couple of ppl who knew a lot of other people...I never made any real effort to socialize or meet new people. I dont think many women like to meet a guy who doesnt seem to have many friends. So I get depressed about this and drink and go to bars/clubs and try to meet women. While I have gotten some numbers I have not been able to attract a girl that I would like to be with. It is depressing and makes it hard to be motivated at other things in life. Oh and here is a list of what I believe women look for in men.

Physically--
Tall--would prefer handsome and muscular but I think it is height that is more of the important things because it displays dominance and mascualinity. It brings the apporiate dynamic to the male-female polarity. Now I know this can be overcome with a good amount of confidence and haveing a fit/ strong frame helps a lot.

Personality-- I know this is huge. I understand that what repeals women faster than anything is needyness/desperation/shyness etc. Haveing a good sense of humor/ being witty/ and haveing a fun side to you. Being a good and careing person of course are good parts of a personality as long as it doesnt go to far to be smoothering or supplicating..where you lose that masculine edge.

Outside of this I think other things women look for is
-How other people respond to you , esp other women.
-How far up you are on the social ladder, how socially normal you are
-How much things you have going in your life..career, future. etc.

I could write a lot more about this because I think about it a lot as I am trying to make myself more attractive to women. Well this is a more or a rant than anything else. I suppose if anyone had tips for me that would be great.

Last edited by waywardson; 01-16-2011 at 08:11 PM.

 
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Old 01-17-2011, 04:26 AM   #2
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

Hmmm, I think you will eventually grow out of this stage. Not everything happens overnight. Take your time. In the meantime find some activity that will both look hard/difficult to you (and can challenge your sense of masculinity) and help you to know yourself better: voluntary work, yoga, philosophy, good manners (not to say that you are gross and rude, but there is always room for learning more, right?), meditation, whatever. Life is not only about having a job and dating; it is also about developing your heart, if you see what I mean.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 07:15 AM   #3
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

think its obvious party life isnt really working ..to meet the right girl. so i suggest trying something else..join a gym, as other poster said voluntary work, join a class maybe massage, painting, drawing, meditation, maybe do a college course ? anything. if you put that bit extra effort in so widen your social life you'll meet someone in no time because they is girls and men just waiting to find happiness like you aswell.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 07:50 AM   #4
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

thanks for the replies. Those are good suggestions. I do some volunteer work already. I have two college degrees but I might start working on a third..I have a gym membership as well. I can try maybe some yoga and other things like painting and so on. Maybe some karate or something. Although I don't understand working on my manners...I have those already. At work outside of my main duties I am an instructor as well and work on developing people professionally. I feel that I have great manner and am very professional and mature. I have won several awards and made early promotion. But once I step out of the office I feel like I have nothing. I like doing volunteer work. I think I will start doing some more.

Last edited by waywardson; 01-17-2011 at 08:43 AM.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 08:06 AM   #5
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

sounds good. every little helps

 
Old 01-17-2011, 08:22 AM   #6
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

If you want to be done with partying, then stop. No-one is forcing you to go. It's obviously not working for you. Some of the people at clubs are there for a good time only, so not great places to go if you're looking for a long-term relationship.

As has been suggested, try classes, or hobbies.

Forget about what you think women look for in men. Sure, some women look for those things, but not all do. My hubby is 5'8", and his hair was starting to recede when I met him when he was 23. Almost 20 years and 4 kids later, and I couldn't have asked for a better life partner.

If you're carrying around those ideas and finding yourself coming up short, so to speak, then other people are quite possibly picking up on that, which won't help at all.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 08:54 AM   #7
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

Yeah I am just scared that it has happend yet. Not even a serious realtionship where I felt like I loved someone and someone loved me. I am getting old and I fear that I will die alone. It might be irrational but after 28 yrs of not being with anyone whom I could call a real gf it is a little easy to feel that way and start to question if I am just not lovable. I am doing everything that I can with the hand that I was dealt..and I wont give up, it is just ever so frustrating. I have hobbies. I go bikeing, go to gym, I do photography, I read spirtual books, I read some religion, I travel, I volunteer, I am a pilot. I feel that I am a well rounded individual and have a lot to offer but no one seems to care about it. I do these things not to become more atractive but because I enjoy them. That is why I always look back to my physical attributes and figure that must be a huge part of it, as well as not haveing a lot of friends at the moment. I might start working on a masters degree here soon, but I wouldnt be able to go to actual classes, I would have to do it online because my work schedule is all over the place. Funny thing is I know so many people whom have way less going for them, not so attractive or even nice but yet have a lot better luck with women and dateing.

Last edited by waywardson; 01-17-2011 at 11:00 AM.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 11:10 AM   #8
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

your time will come. remember this ..someone for everyone.

 
Old 01-18-2011, 11:13 AM   #9
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

Hi, how's it going? You do sound like a well rounded individual...but are you taking yourself a little too seriously? Love will bite you on the (ahem) when you least expect it so maybe you just need to relax and stop looking? Whatya think?
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:10 AM   #10
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Re: When will I get done with partying? When will I get a gf?

I agree with you in a way Maneka, but then again I dont know how things will happen if I dont take initiative. I understand that trying to hard is not a good thing as well as takeing myself too seroiusly. On the other hand I dont suspect to find a gf by sitting at home. I am going to ease up a bit and let things just 'be' and hopefulyl it will work out .

 
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