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Old 01-17-2011, 11:52 AM   #1
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cant get over him

Last year I fell for this guy who played me very skillfully. I didn't realize what had happened until I was left in the dust, and on top of this I may have even developed feelings for this guy. Things got a little bit messy between us and it ended on a bit of a sour note. We only hung out in bar settings and hooked up a couple times (no dating or getting to know each other in serious settings) but I can't stop thinking about him. It doesn't help that we sometimes run into each other when we go out because we are in the same circle of friends. When this happens we say a quick hello (always initiated by him) and then I put all my effort into having fun with my friends and ignoring him (which is unimaginably difficult).
I hope I don't seem pathetic, but I cannot stop thinking about this guy. I know he is definitely still physically attracted to me but I don't know how to act on that without looking like a ****, or worse- desperate. Even though I know that what he did to me was wrong and I should never go back to him, I just can't stop thinking about him and hoping he'll come back for me.
Any advice on what I can do about this? I know most people would tell me to move on, but its been proving very difficult and deep down I really don't want to move on. Any advice on how I can maybe get him back?

 
Old 01-17-2011, 12:17 PM   #2
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Re: cant get over him

I should probably add one more thing...
the last time we were talking i invited him over at the end of the night and he responded by telling me to come to his place instead. I wouldn't go there and he wouldn't come over so I figured he was done with me and didn't really care enough to come over. After this instance I was put off and resolved to get over him but the next day he added me on facebook. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was. On principle i was waiting for him to add me and I had mentioned it a couple times, but he was holding out sort of teasing me with it. The fact that he added me after this night made me think he didn't want to end things with me but just didn't have the nerve to vocalize it...
So this bring me back to my current situation. We are not hanging out anymore, and I can't (and truly dont want to) move on.
Please help!!!!

 
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Old 01-17-2011, 01:04 PM   #3
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Re: cant get over him

he's playing games, the carrot and the stick game, to be precise.....
he added you as a friend, just when he knew you were done, as a last resort to keep you hanging on......
a perfect example of a guy throwing out crumbs, or doing just the very barest minimum.....
you deserve better!

 
Old 01-17-2011, 01:13 PM   #4
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Re: cant get over him

i agree totally with rose, hes just been childish and playing games tell him where to go and find better.

Last edited by cryingforever; 01-17-2011 at 01:18 PM.

 
Old 01-17-2011, 01:15 PM   #5
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Re: cant get over him

I bet he wants sex. That's why he wanted you to go to his place, so he could have sex with you and then ask you to leave.

You could get him back if you are interested in a "sex only" arrangement.

 
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Old 01-17-2011, 01:27 PM   #6
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Re: cant get over him

Honestly, I have been considering that, but I dont want to seem desperate or sl*tty. Is that an oxymoron :S ?
I kind of tried that arrangement when we were hanging out, but he wanted everything on his terms and I wouldn't give in (thats why it ended). I don't want him to have 100% control but if I go back to him that would automatically give him all the control. Is there a way around this? Or a way to show him i want him back without outright saying it?

 
Old 01-17-2011, 01:31 PM   #7
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Re: cant get over him

you know you don't want him for just sex....you want HIM
don't do it....you won't get what you want

 
Old 01-17-2011, 01:55 PM   #8
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Re: cant get over him

I can see why you think that, but the fact is that we never spent time getting to know each other. My attraction to him must be totally superficial because I barely know anything about him as a person.
Does that change anything...?

 
Old 01-17-2011, 02:03 PM   #9
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Re: cant get over him

Quote:
Originally Posted by fumth385 View Post
I can see why you think that, but the fact is that we never spent time getting to know each other. My attraction to him must be totally superficial because I barely know anything about him as a person.
Does that change anything...?

not really..... you WANT to get to know him, I bet you'd WANT to be his girlfriend....and yes the attraction could be superficial, but that doesn't make you want HIM any less......and not just in a physical way

if it was just the sex you wanted surely you could find that lots of other places?

 
Old 01-17-2011, 02:12 PM   #10
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Re: cant get over him

You're really not telling me what i want to hear hahaha
Nonetheless its very valuable advice- thanks for your input!
I truly wish I could replace the involuntary and unwelcome thoughts of him with your words of wisdom but my mind wont seem to budge. How does one go about getting over someone they don't wish to move on from?!?

 
Old 01-17-2011, 02:24 PM   #11
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Re: cant get over him

Quote:
Originally Posted by fumth385 View Post
You're really not telling me what i want to hear hahaha
Nonetheless its very valuable advice- thanks for your input!
I truly wish I could replace the involuntary and unwelcome thoughts of him with your words of wisdom but my mind wont seem to budge. How does one go about getting over someone they don't wish to move on from?!?
LOL sorry, I didn't think I was....but I'm just speaking from my own experiences....there have been plenty of guys that i've wanted soooo bad.....one in particular....and it wasn't just the physical thing....I WANTED him, I wanted him to want me, I wanted him so much, but even when I tried to just be casual, go with the flow on his terms, etc....it wasn't enough. I'm identifying with your situation a little. And I knew at the time that what he was giving me wasn't enough, and I knew i deserved better, but it didn't stop me from wanting him......
so I don't know if i'm helping you at all anymore now.....LOL
let me say I still wanted him, and I kept going back for more, and settling for scraps. it took me meeting another guy who treated me much better to finally let go of that dream........is that a possibility? find someone to help take your mind off of him!

 
Old 01-17-2011, 02:42 PM   #12
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Re: cant get over him

That probably is the best course of action. I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience- I can see how easily i could fall into a similar situation especially with this particular guy. Thanks again for the help!
One more question- did that guy ever come back for u when u moved on (or were in the process)? I'm worried (and have a premonition) that this guy will come back when I finally pull myself away and I don't want to let myself fall for it. If I was thinking rationally in this situation I would laugh in his face and walk away but I am so not able to do that. I just might get so excited that hes giving it another chance and not want to miss the opportunity that i get played again. How do you keep you wits about you in such a situation?
(I hope i'm not sounding insanely pathetic)

 
Old 01-17-2011, 02:54 PM   #13
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Re: cant get over him

this guy would pop in and out of my life occassionally.....when he hadn't seen me in a while he would send an email, saying how he missed me, etc, all sweet and enticing me to start thinking about him again.....
don't worry about sounding pathetic, i know the feeling.....
IF i hadn't had another guy to take my mind off of him, I surely would have gotten sucked back in. This guy had a pattern of starting off all great for a couple weeks, but not following thru and then just disappearing, not answering his phone, not returning calls, standing me up.....
and then when he thought my anger had died down, he would surface again, and be charming, etc...he did this at the same time (the end of may, beginning of june, and by the end of june he was gone) for 2 years in a row.....my friends started joking that he has "june fever"
the last time he pulled this he let it die down for a while and sent an email, i never responded, he hasn't called.....I guess he knows I've had enough.
i urge you to be strong......i always say the best way to get over a guy is to get under another one.....

 
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Old 01-17-2011, 03:06 PM   #14
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Re: cant get over him

I agree with Rose. Sadly, I have encountered many men like this in my life and learned some hard lessons. If a man is into you, you know. He will come to your house, compromise, and treat you with respect, not like a good time. He will not just treat you like a hookup. He's a player.

Last edited by punkybear; 01-17-2011 at 03:09 PM.

 
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:04 PM   #15
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Re: cant get over him

This kind of guy is a dime a dozen. yes, Rose has given you really good advice. But as to your question on how to get over someone you really don't want to get over, I'm not sure that's really possible. The first step in getting over someone is to make the conscious choice to get over them.

The first sentence in your first post was that this guy played you. I think the question you really need to be asking yourself is what's going on with you that makes you want a man who doesn't want you. Why do you want to be played, why do you want a man who didn't care enough about you to get to know you, to properly date you, who just played you? You know he's just playing games with you and yet you still want him. You need to get to the bottom of why you don't think you deserve better than that.

 
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