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Old 01-18-2011, 09:04 PM   #1
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Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

Hey all,

I about 3 weeks ago got out of a year + relationship. I am not distraught about it at all, and it was over for a long time prior for me, it was more a matter of just bringing myself to end things. I'd been ready to move on for awhile.

While I was dating this guy though, I met a somewhat older guy (I'm 23, he is 32) through mutual friends. I later ran into him at a Renaissance about 4 months later. I was in a hurry to make a show that was starting so I just was only able to run up, hug him with a big smile and say 'I'm running late, I can't talk, I'm sorry!'. of which he had a huge smile on his face while running at him and after the hug. After the show I was greeted by a flower girl who gave me a huge lovely bouquet of flowers and was under instruction to know if I was single or not. I at the time wasn't still so I had to say I wasn't. Now, to this day I still have no idea if it was the friend I hugged, but the looks and faces I get when I run into him just make me wonder. When a bunch of us would stand in a circle chatting I'd catch his gaze a couple times. Again, interest or just looking at people, I don't know.

The guy is an actor locally with the theaters in town. When my relationship had pretty much run it's course I had caught wind he was going to teach a class I, despite who was teaching it, wanted to attend. I contacted him via email to ask a couple questions about it, and we ended up writing several emails back and forth about each other, life, etc. There were small hints....or perhaps only nice remarks said on both parts. I ended up missing out on the class due to my car breaking down. He went out of his way to see I got refunded for the class I had to miss...again maybe just a nice gesture.

I invited him to a show last month and he came out. There were many mutual friends there though, not just me. I didn't get to talk to him much though since I was helping in the show and was running around doing my job. We did chat a little though and ended with a big hug and him saying 'it's always lovely to see you'. Again, hint or nice remark, I'm not sure.
We haven't spoken or emailed since then. I know he just picked up a new show and is busy at work with that. But on the flip side of if he is/was interested, he doesn't know I'm single either.

So just knowing that at face value, is he just being nice? Or is there more interest? Would I be entirely out of line to message him after not seeing him for a month to go out for coffee sometime? I don't want to come off like I'm bothering him or being creepy if he was just trying to be nice.

Thoughts? Thanks!

 
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Old 01-19-2011, 12:03 AM   #2
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

At face value it's hard to tell, he could be interested or just being friendly. You don't say whether or not he is in a relationship.

Assuming he's single, you're single and interested so ask him for coffee. The only way you will know for sure is to talk to him.

 
Old 01-19-2011, 04:40 AM   #3
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

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Originally Posted by Ely4 View Post
At face value it's hard to tell, he could be interested or just being friendly. You don't say whether or not he is in a relationship.

Assuming he's single, you're single and interested so ask him for coffee. The only way you will know for sure is to talk to him.
I agree with Ely4. Gone are the times when it was totally unbecoming for a woman to make a move toward a man.

Yet, you gave me the impression that you are always on the run, lol, almost like you were running away from something. Don't get me wrong, please, but if you really want to have a nice relationship with this guy or anyone else for that matter, you will need to slow down.

 
Old 01-19-2011, 08:50 AM   #4
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

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Assuming he's single, you're single and interested so ask him for coffee. The only way you will know for sure is to talk to him.
I am not sure if he is single. And I never thought about how 'on the run' I seem. I never mean to be. Shoot. Well thanks for pointing that out. I had no idea.

I suppose I will try and see what happens. I'm not so much afraid of getting turned down as much as it getting back to our friends and me seeming weird for asking him. Not sure they'd actually say something, they are good people, but yeah.

 
Old 01-19-2011, 08:54 AM   #5
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

There's nothing weird in asking someone out for coffee. It might be a good idea to find out if he's actually available before you make a move on him though

 
Old 01-19-2011, 09:01 AM   #6
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

you're a performance artist, my dear....you are ALLOWED to color outside the lines, to be a bit eccentric....he is an actor.....between the two of you, you have enough creativity in your blood to realize that you don't have to follow the normal "rules" that seem to govern "relationships" or "matters of the heart".
There is absolutely nothing wrong/desperate/embarassing (or fill in the blank, whatever word fits) about asking him for coffee to get to know him a little better! I'm so glad you've moved on from your last boyfriend, the inconsiderate buffoon! All kinds of possibilities can open up now!

 
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:30 AM   #7
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
you're a performance artist, my dear....you are ALLOWED to color outside the lines, to be a bit eccentric....he is an actor.....between the two of you, you have enough creativity in your blood to realize that you don't have to follow the normal "rules" that seem to govern "relationships" or "matters of the heart".
There is absolutely nothing wrong/desperate/embarassing (or fill in the blank, whatever word fits) about asking him for coffee to get to know him a little better! I'm so glad you've moved on from your last boyfriend, the inconsiderate buffoon! All kinds of possibilities can open up now!
Haha! Thank you so much Rosequartz. I am happy too, last guy was a total jerk and my only regret is that I didn't let go sooner. Wish I'd a known I would have gotten over it so easy. (and funny part being, he's trying hard to get me back....no thanks!)

I figured I'd ask him out to coffee on the bases to learn more about his craft, and what he teaches, so then we could at least chat and it didn't have to be a 'date' per say, if he wasn't comfortable with it.

I would love to ask our mutual friends more about him, (like, if he's single, although I'm pretty sure he is?) I'm just afraid at this point they'll take a look at me breaking things off with the previous guy only 3 weeks ago, and not like the short amount of time between that and getting to know someone else (despite mentally being done with previous bf for months). Perhaps I'll just have to suck it up and stop being shy about it. =)

 
Old 01-19-2011, 10:37 AM   #8
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

I'm glad I got a laugh out of you, I figured the "inconsiderate buffoon" part would make you chuckle.....
nobody has the right to judge what you do, or your time-frame in doing it......even friends! And who knows, you may be surprised.....they may be happy for you and wondering what took you so long!
Sure you could ask your friends, but why not go right to the source!
Ask him out for coffee and get to know about him first hand!

 
Old 01-19-2011, 12:37 PM   #9
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

I wouldn't ask the friends either. If you are wanting to keep your interest on the down low, asking friends about him is not the way to go about it! I know when someone asks me if someone I know is single, that means they are interested in them.

I agree, ask him to coffee! What a great way to get to know someone! And you can throw in a question such as "so how does your girlfriend feel about you being so busy with your performances?" and see if he answers "what girlfriend?"

Good luck.

 
Old 01-19-2011, 02:17 PM   #10
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

So I sent one thanking him for coming to my last performance and apologizing that I didn't get to talk much.

Then said more or less I know you are busy, but if you ever want to go get coffee or some drinks sometime I'd enjoy hearing more about you and your shows.

Got a reply back about an hour later saying I was awesome at the show, no problem, etc. And said he's busy Fri/Sat for the days of my other shows and wouldn't be able to make it anytime soon. But drinks are cool, and he'll keep it in mind.

Sorry to be so...picky, but is that a gentle letdown or a miscommunication (about seeing my shows verses just going out sometime)?

 
Old 01-20-2011, 06:34 AM   #11
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

well it could be either, but I think it's encouraging that he got back to you pretty quickly and had positive feedback! Lets look at the positive aspect and not try to worry. You still don't know if he has a GF, and if he does, he's off limits anyway, but that doesn't mean he's rejecting you. I'd say at the very least he LIKES you and thinks you're talented. That's a good start, right? I guess you will have to be patient and see what unfolds?

 
Old 02-23-2011, 08:14 AM   #12
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

onesided....i've been thinking about you.....any updates?

 
Old 03-03-2011, 03:16 PM   #13
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

Aw, Thanks Rosequartz. =)

Wasn't interested. Got the 'I'll keep that in mind' bit and haven't heard anything since. Ah well. Plenty of other fishes, right?

Meanwhile, the 'selfish buffoon' is still trying to make a comeback. I'm cool with being friends, but he is wanting more still. I may have to unfortunately cut all contact. =\

 
Old 03-03-2011, 07:26 PM   #14
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

I think you should cut all contact with the buffoon. There's no point, as you can't be friends with someone after just breaking up, especially when one of them is actively trying to get the other one back. Plus, it'll make it easier on him in the long run. The less contact you have, the quicker you get over it. Kinda like ripping a bandaid off all at once.

I was thinking when I first read that that "I'll keep that in mind" does not sound good at all. If he was interested, he would have said something like "I'm busy Fri. and Sat., but what about next week?" "I'll keep that in mind" is something someone says to be polite. Eh, plenty of other ones out there, keep your chin up

 
Old 03-03-2011, 08:00 PM   #15
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Re: Misread signals? Or would this be too forward?

oh brother....what a surprise, huh? the buffoon is trying to weasel his way back in.....
I'm glad you're keeping him at arms length and not afraid to cut off all contact if necessary.....
keep your chin up girl! you don't need to settle!

 
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