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winterblue · 01-20-2011, 08:35 AM

I married my husband sixteen years ago. We brought three children a piece into the marriage he had two girls and a son, I had three girls. Although there were extremely hard times we managed. All the children while in my household lived by the same rules. After two years of marriage we had a son together. The children and I had a wonderful relationship while my husband was working which at that time was alot. I worked out of my home so was always there only to have distruction happen as soon as my husband came home from work , anger, frustration yelling it got to the point when our son turned five I had to ask him to leave . We were seperated for nine years only to reunite in 2010 it's been almost a year and the same things are happening again. My son is fourteen and hormonal, his dad buys him things, expensive I might add to show him love, whereas I have always tried to maintain the decipline of working for what you want and no is no consistantcy. Our home has turned into a battle field . I designated me Chief of this island two nights ago and took my son phone new expensive headphones out of disapline and locked away in our safe. I gave him four weeks restriction for everything that keeps building from disrespect to grades dropping

The son is in the sucking up mood to get what he wants I know the anger and frustration will come but how do I keep dad on board with me no yelling, fighting or him feeling sorry for the son. Just one night the dad came in and said the son was crying, to bad he has to learn no and this is tough love before things go further on a road to self distruction. I'm sorry this is so long but have alot to vent. Please need advice and someone with experience.

Ely4 · 01-20-2011, 10:28 AM

If things didn't work out before, and they are the same again now, why are you back with him?

Parents really need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline. You both need to come to an agreement on how to handle this, or he needs to stop interfering when you've set the boundaries. Don't disagree over this in front of your son, he'll end up playing you both off against each other.

Haven723 · 01-20-2011, 09:36 PM

It is hard enough these days with the laws on discipline. But it seems that a time out doesn’t work better. The best you can do is to be consistent. I totally agree on the tough love theory and getting your husband on the same page. If you can’t seem to do this compromisingly and the fighting in front of the children continues then get counseling. Seems your son needs it. He has discipline problems because of the drama in front of him all the time. When children see or hear parents fighting about how discipline should or shouldn’t be given they will do everything they can to rebel, play one against the other and so forth. They use this as an edge to get what they want and for the most part it works 99.9% of the time. Keep the fighting and arguing out of earshot of the kids and try talking and discussing…effective communication is the best resolve for both parties…compromise on the rewards and disciplines and punishments and agree that you both will not stand against the other on these issues.

Good luck in trying to resolve the issues of the marriage. Realize if it didn’t work before then it more than likely won’t work this time. But for the children’s sake remain friends and not discrediting the other parent. Remember, you divorced or separated from each other not the children. It is not their fault. But they feel it is.

cryingforever · 01-21-2011, 03:40 PM

maybe you and husband live apart? is that an option.

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