It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-22-2011, 01:29 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Tulsa Ok USA
Posts: 2
cryinoutforhelp HB User
please help im desperate!!

Hi i dont know what to do anymore i have NO ONE in my life. it just keeps getting worst and i keep trying and trying.
I am a girl in a serious relationship with a girl. Although i am not gay this is the only girl i have ever had any attraction or feelings for. i love her so much, more than ive ever loved anyone or anything. And she does love me so much she has proven it over and over again. Problem is my parents wont accept her or me. MY mom has always been verbally and physically abusive and controlling and she is not letting me talk to my brothers who are my life and my sister because she knows how bad it kills me. i cry about it every day this pain is the worst pain in the world. she tells everyone im on drugs and a prostitute. ive never been on drugs and im not sexual i never have slept around. im a good girl ive always made good grades and never disrespected my parents and never gave them a bad name. i just happened to fall in love without boundaries i love her soul the person nothing to do with gender.

so now i have a family that harrasses me and threatens me every day. i have no friends. my dad is in the hospital the only one who has told me he loves me. and im so sad that ive been making my gf life miserable. im so sensitive when she hurts my feelings i cry and cry and all she wants me to do is shut up bc she cant take my crying bc she hurts for me too much. ill get angry and yell at her and bang my head against the wall.

no one cares about this pain that i feel. ive taken on a lifestile that i get treated badly for my family hates me and my mom said she will not stop making my life miserable! ive hurt my gf so much that she has no fight left in her she doesnt want to break up but she doesnt see another way bc i cant afford therapy of medicine and i need it bad i cant do this alone. i read all kinds of books i write in a journal i talk myself through life. it works for a few days but then im back down. This girl is my life i gave up my family for her but i understand i cant keep hurting her. i cant afford help. When she is gone im going to have nothing and noone and i cant make it on my own. everyone hates me even though im a good person ive always put others before myself and tehy have all ended up hurting me. someone please help me im all alone with this pain i cant take i have no one please i dont know what to do.

Last edited by Administrator; 01-29-2011 at 06:53 AM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-22-2011, 01:59 PM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: please help im desperate!!

is your family hating you because you have a girlfriend? i felt the pain in your words when you descirbed the way your family are treating you and your mom is treating you appallingly how can she say such a thing that is so terrible. all i can suggest is keep ya distance from your mom. she is going to bring you down if you stay around. change your number/email or whatever. sometimes we have to walk away from family even though it hurts. i have walked away from mine and it hurts but at same time a relief aswell. you really need to stop pushing your girlfriend away she wont put up with it forever. just visit your dad. how old are your brothers/sisters? can you visit them when your moms not around? go to see them at school? see them when they are your dads? through grandparents?. your girlfriend loves you and has stood by that the second you feel like your going to yell or anything count to 20-30 in your mind and think about things first before saying them. be strong. you need to be else you will get more and more depressed. leave your family to live there pathetic lives ,sorry i had to say that because there behaviour and attitude towards you is. here to support you and vent whenever you need to. this is a really good site. honest people aswell.

 
Old 01-22-2011, 03:56 PM   #3
Senior Member
(male)
 
52ken's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 270
52ken HB User52ken HB User52ken HB User52ken HB User52ken HB User52ken HB User
Re: please help im desperate!!

Hi there. I'm sorry that you are hurting but you are an adult. As an adult, you make your own decisions. Some will turn out good and others bad but they are your decisions. If you want to be with your girl friend than be with your girl friend. You may need to move out but the both of you should be able to make it. If your parrents decide to disown you, that is their decision not yours. If you want them in your life, tell them that the door is always open if they change their minds. There is no need to be unhappy or scared. Make the decision and stand by it. This is only a suggestion and it is not my decision but yours. I hope this helps. You are in control and you have to do what makes you secure and happy.

Last edited by Administrator; 01-29-2011 at 06:56 AM.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to 52ken For This Useful Post:
cryingforever (01-22-2011)
Old 01-23-2011, 05:58 AM   #4
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Tulsa Ok USA
Posts: 2
cryinoutforhelp HB User
Re: please help im desperate!!

Thank you for the advise cryingforever and 52ken. I live in a completely other state than my family. i have been living on my own for a long time. i cant drive to see my dad because its too far and i cant afford a plane ticket. and my mom has brainwashed my siblings they wont talk to me except for my older brother and he just sides with my mom. My brother went through something similar a few years back so i know exactly what my mom is doing, she was making all of our lives miserable until my brother gave up the girl he wanted to marry. He hasnt been with another girl since. But i was THE ONLY one that supported him and had his back and i told my mom i respected her reasons but that its not fair to put my brother and family through so much pain and that i wasnt siding but that i supported my brother bc he needed someone. i was the only one. and now this is happening to me and he does this to me. im completely alone. on christmas they call not to say merry christmas we love u but to say that they were going to have someone come pick up some stuff they have bought me throughout the years like my lap top and a pair of jeans i got for christmas one year, and a dresser, and little stuff like that. its ok because im not materialistic at all what hurt was that they pick christmas to tell me they r guna take my things. not even an i love u not even merry christmas. they are so hateful and all ive ever done was tell them how much i love them how much they mean to me and how much i want them a part of my life. i asked them that they didnt have to agree with me or even support me but to just love me. but all they do is hate and constantly harrass me and hurt me. i try to ignore emails i dont read them but my mom will send them to my gf and hurt her too. if i change my number then if they ever change their mind of if anything happens to them i wont know because they wont know where i am or how to get a hold of me.

as far as my anger goes its out of pain i had such a terrible childhood. mentally verbally physically abused brain washed to believe it was normal. people at school started making fun of me because one of my "friends" witnessed my mom how she treated me and spread it around school and everyone made fun of me. my mom was taken away for a little while bc i couldnt hide all the bruises i couldnt hide everything i couldnt smile and act like i was ok. when she came back she was better for a very short while then it was back to the same ol.

so i dont really believe that medicine should be the first option so i read eckhart tolle and many self help books and it helps me understand my behavior when i fell angry or sad and how to not fall and stay into depression. and most importantly how to forgive. but i cant forgive myself bc im not ignorant anymore. but its hard because i once didnt have the space between when something would happen and when i would react so i could chose how to react. now i have that space but when me and my gf are arguing and i start to feel angry and i ask her to stop to just talk bc im being hurt and thats when i get mad she doesnt stop so i walk away so i can try to control my thoughts and go back and finish takling. but she HATES it when i walk away even when i tell her im just trying to calm down before i react. but the truth is in the past when ive asked for space its only made things worst so now she doesnt believe. me and all she has done is love me and stand by me and ive hurt her so much that i cant expect her to act another way. all i can do is know that she is reacting the way she is because shes extremely hurt too. i want to take it back she didnt deserve this shes such a good person. i really need to be put on meds or i need to see a therapist until we both heal and can start over but i cant afford it. im running out of options sources and time. and im scared to lose the only thing worst standing up for the only thing i love and adore. my soulmate. i love her so much. i really need help. or some really good advise because once i lose it i black out and act so crazy and destroy everthing around me just like my mother. i dont want to be like her.

 
Old 01-23-2011, 07:21 AM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: please help im desperate!!

all i can suggest is TRY forgive yourself we all make mistakes you dont sound a malicious person just a hurt/damaged person , stop been hard on yourself. stay as calm as possible.. maybe take your girlfriend out for a meal and BAN any family/relationship issues been in conversation. treat your girlfriend exactly how you did at the start of the relationship. is the talk of family/relationship issues a daily topic? if so then maybe cut it down abit and no matter what dont let your family bring you down.

 
Old 01-23-2011, 10:16 AM   #6
Senior Member
(male)
 
52ken's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 270
52ken HB User52ken HB User52ken HB User52ken HB User52ken HB User52ken HB User
Re: please help im desperate!!

OK, I got you. My wife doesn't have anything to do with her family. She chose me and moved to Florida with me over 30 years ago and never has regretted it. Like you, her family were not supportive and life is short. Don't let them make you and your girlfriend feel sad or anxious. It is a shame they are that way but they have to live with themselves. Many people after they grow up have to live their own lives. As far as your family, tell them that your door is open when they except you,your girlfiend and your decisions. Their choice!!! Just my opionion. You have to make your own choices and then live with them.

Last edited by 52ken; 01-23-2011 at 02:22 PM.

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (272), rosequartz (254), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (96), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1177), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (903), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (753), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:31 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!