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Old 01-24-2011, 04:42 AM   #1
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new home. how do i cope?

i have a new home. not yet moved in. need advice on how to cope living on my own? we are still together me and him. we are planning to build our relationship back up while living seperately. i have trust issues. i have told myself i am going to take a chance on trust. i know most people will think why am i still with him but i dont really want to talk about that at the moment maybe abit later on i just want to focus on how to cope been independent? days on my own? its exciting but scary at same time. thanks to anyone who can try help again lol. x

 
Old 01-24-2011, 05:29 AM   #2
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

This is great news! You should put all of the focus on yourself. Getting your new nest built for yourself and then building your life up. Don't put the focus on him.

 
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Old 01-24-2011, 06:48 AM   #3
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

living on your own is great!
you don't have to compromise on anything!
i think you're gonna learn to love it!

 
Old 01-24-2011, 07:24 AM   #4
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

Setting up a household will take up a lot of your time and attention for a while. You will cope as well as you want to. But you will have decorating to do, buying housewares and other household items, cleaning, getting settled, etc. Make an effort to get to know your neighbors, that will be very important. Have a housewarming and invite your friends, co-workers and family over once you get the place set up a bit. Then get out there and live life a little bit. Work, hobbies, friends, new neighbors, maybe take a class or two, a lecture at the library, whatever you want. And yes, focus on yourself. DO NOT just sit around missing your boyfriend. This is your time to learn some independence and how to be on your own. You can't learn what this stage of your life is meant to teach you if you refuse to learn it and waste it pining over this guy.

 
Old 01-24-2011, 11:13 AM   #5
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

we are still together but going to be living apart. i have room to fit him in my life aswell as i love him. bringing us closer at the moment because we will be getting personal space to breathe. i have got all the household items already as i got them from my previous home. im really nervous im not used to been on my own lol. on my own in my own home on the days we dont see eachother. scary eeek!!!

 
Old 01-24-2011, 03:10 PM   #6
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

What is it that's scary to you? Can you identify your worries.

I'm like the others. I love being on my own and always have so it's hard for me to understand what scares people about having their own private space.

Honestly, I think it would actually scare me to have someone around all the time. That would take some getting used to for me so maybe it's just the idea of it being different that scares you?

 
Old 01-24-2011, 04:20 PM   #7
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

You have completely forgotten who you are on your own and you need to rediscover that now. You need to have a life separate from him and this is your chance to find stuff that interests you and makes you happy on your own. It's the people who wrap themselves entirely in their relationships who completely fall apart when those relationships end because they are completely lost when not in that relationship.

Instead of being afraid of it, get excited about this opportunity to figure out who you are alone and what makes you happy. And get a job and go back to school because that's where you will be opened up to all sorts of new ideas.

Spend the weekends with him (if you must) but not during the week. Use the time during the week to do stuff for YOU and for the two of you.

 
Old 01-24-2011, 06:17 PM   #8
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

Congrats on taking this big, wonderful step!

What's so scary about being alone at your place? I love it! I have time to do anything I want whenever I want without anyone interfering.

Can you explain what it is that scares you?

Last edited by CadenceA; 01-24-2011 at 06:17 PM.

 
Old 01-25-2011, 11:38 AM   #9
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

its scary because its going to be different. used to been with my boyfriend and even BEFORE him i was always staying at friends houses. i used to be independant but i have become too dependant. like i say it is half exciting and half scary as im not used to it. but i know one thing the times when i am ever on my own i get VERY motivated to do things so i will be filling my life with work/college and him and friends etc...

 
Old 01-25-2011, 12:37 PM   #10
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
when i am ever on my own i get VERY motivated to do things so i will be filling my life with work/college and him and friends etc...
You have the answer to your question already. Get motivated and fill your life with work/college and friends.

 
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:53 PM   #11
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

been thinking of going for hypnotherapy and the other one with the needle things they put in you to help different problems cant remember the name of it. any other ideas? to help my anxiety, insecurity, self confidence. i want to try some remedies and stuff like hypnotherapy. anyone been for any of this? does it work?

 
Old 01-25-2011, 04:49 PM   #12
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

I have some anxiety as well, and although it doesn't seem as extreme as yours (mine doesn't seem as debilitating as yours does), it's very hard to "get over". I have a degree in psychology/human services and I'm going for my masters in counseling/therapy soon. So, it's funny because I will eventually be helping other people, yet I can't seem to help myself when it comes to my anxiety. I know a lot about anxiety and treatment, but I can't seem to apply the methods to myself. I try constantly to "talk myself out of it" and remind myself that anxiety is usually just exaggerations, but it doesn't seem to help much. I'm still convinced that one day I will "cure" myself though, haha! I considered hypnotherapy at one point, but haven't done it, so I can't say I have any personal experience with it. I'm on the fence with my opinion of it because part of me thinks it's ineffective while another part of me is curious about it. You take medication for it too, don't you? If I were you, I'd ask your therapist and see what he/she thinks about it.

 
Old 01-26-2011, 02:37 AM   #13
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

heyyy it sounds like a awesome career is heading your way. i am too applying to go college sometime soon to do a counselling course as i want to help people and learn along the way for myself aswell. i know the feeling at not been able to sort own anxietys out but can help other people. as for the hypnotherapy i dont think they do medication aswell but im not 100% sure im just going on by what i have read on websites last night about it they is 4 registered hypno's in my area and i have emailed all 4 lol. yeah thats a good idea i'll do that first speak to my therapist i see her monday so if all's good i will go tuesday as it will be my payday that day hehe! yeah im really curious too its something ive never thought about until recently as i am desperate to get my head sorted.

 
Old 01-26-2011, 10:34 AM   #14
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Re: new home. how do i cope?

This question caught my attention. From a guys perpective....

To directly answer your original question: Congratulations on moving in on your own. You need to be strong and know that it may not be easier at the beggining to get used to being on your own. Use this time to set your short and long term goals. Focus on yourself and in college. College is the first step on becoming independent. You need to learn how to trust and believe in yourself. Getting some proffesional help, talking to a counselor can definately help you get where you need to get to. Not all guys are the same, there are honest good guys outhere. Remember this always in any relationship you have including marriage (one day)...Put your partner's needs above yours and expect the same in return. Good luck.

 
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