My boyfriend gets angry over anything. Sometimes I think he almost looks for things to get angry about. Then it leaves me wondering and examining the situation to see if I really did anything wrong. Heres a little overview of my situation.
- We've been together for almost 2 years. I've met his family twice. I've never met his friends, only the ones he works with.
- He lives with me and pays 1/2 the rent and does nothing around the house
(i cook, clean do his laundry, do the garbage...)
- He over reacts to everything, like me watching a TV show he hates, to how small our apartment is, to not enough sex.
- Hes off work 3 days a week and on his days off I only see him from maybe 2 hours before we go to sleep. He devotes hardly anytime to me, but when I go out on a sat we doesn't like it sometimes.
- When we argue he gets so hot headed, he has called me a C#%T, drives like an maniac, and rubs the fact that his job is better then mine in my face.
- He acts like every argument its either hes right or wrong, like winning or losing.
- When he's bothered with family or work stuff it seems like he takes it out on me.
- He'll read my facebook wall and ***** about posts. Where as his wall is hidden from me.
- We fight at least once a week.
I really am thinking this is all verbal abuse, I know its best if I left him. Like I am very relaxed, I hate drama or fighting. I don't abuse drugs or booze. But I am a bit of a neat freak! I just can't get enough balls to do it, and I don't even what to know how he'll react. When were happy we're great, I guess thats why nothing has happened.
So what I'm really asking is how to deal with this?!
I really just keep thinking that he'll realize that what he's doing is wrong, and that he'll come around and it will be fine. We were great when we first started dating! Yet, I realize that I cannot change him and then part of me thinks maybe I'm the one wrong. I'm just confused and just want to be happy.
nope he won't change......
i've been in your shoes, hoping for something to change.....it never does.
don't waste anymore of your time and don't doubt yourself.
your gut instinct is right......he's no good for you
The Following User Says Thank You to rosequartz For This Useful Post: misspurple13 (01-28-2011)
Deal with this by getting out. It's verbal abuse at best. Him driving like a maniac when he's angry is one example of it being more than that. He will not change, and he treats you like this because he can. He knows he doesn't have to do his own laundry because you will do it, for example. That's very strange that he hides his wall from you and you've never met his friends - sounds like he's trying to keep you separate from another life he has. You need to get out ASAP. Do you have anywhere to stay for the time being, family or friends? Anywhere would be better than staying with him at this point. Any other advice than leaving him would be worthless, as there's absolutely nothing you can do to change someone like this, someone who believes he's never wrong.
I think I haven't done anything because I am just so confused about the whole thing! And Keep thinking that he's gonna act like he did when we first start dating. He also leaves me really wondering if I am in the wrong, and if its really just me?! But I have never had such a problem and arguments in past relationships. Its almost like I am searching for a reason to even stay! He does live at my apartment, so if anything I have to get him out. I can leave and stay at my friends or parents no problem.
I know it's so much easier said than done when it comes to leaving a bad relationship. But the fact is it won't get any better. And I think you know in your heart of hearts that this needs to end. If you can't see yourself asking him to leave, or getting him to leave, then if the lease is in your name, you can always break the lease and move back home or in with friends for a while, then he will either have to take over the lease and pay all the rent himself or he'll have to move, too. This guy sounds like he could be dangerous, which is another reason to get away from him as soon as you can, because it's not going to get any better. Moving back in with family or friends until you're sure this guy won't try to hurt you might be the best thing. In fact, it's probably gotten worse, and will continue to get worse. Good luck.
On one of those days you only see him for 2 hours, pack his stuff and have it waiting for him, he is done. my jaw dropped when you said he called you the c-word! Verbal abuse at the VERY least. He needs to ship out, he has had way too many chances to shape up as it is.
He won't "change" because he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. It's your fault or you need to change...right? People don't change if they think they're right. He won't wake up one day and decide to be nice.
BTW, he was nice in the beginning because if he started abusing you the first day you never would have gone out with him again. Think about it! He waited until you were hooked to start being his real self. That nice guy in the beginning was an act to hook you in. It worked.
Look, I spoke harshly because I would have shown him whatfor right from the beginning. Im like a bad pop song, what you is what you get and I cant be tamed.
But I just can't get over the fact that he called you the c word. That is unacceptable. I know that you are hoping.the nicw guy he pretended to be and and you fell in love with. But that guy was a lie. Get out of this, or rather, get HIM out (of your house) fall in love with yourself so that you never question your instinct s, and never stay in a abusive relationship again.
Get the book Women That Love Too Much. It is about we, males/females that do not love or respect ourselves enough to say no to abuse and get away from it. It helped me wake up.
It is about we who think if we just are patient, kind, loving, understanding, affectionate, etc, etc enough that the other person will change and appreciate us. Wrong. They chose us because they know with us they don't have to be responsible or carry their own weight, plus they know by experience they can act however they want and we will put up with it. That alone is why they are there.
Just try confronting one of them...they will quickly tell us how selfish we are and crazy...don't forget that we are crazy if we think they wronged us, and after all who would want us but them?
you are in an abusive situation and it will never stop till you are used up, old and beaten down, then they will move on to someone else (if we are LUCKY). If we stay we will be used and unloved by them all of our lives.
DO NOT move his things out of your place!
Check the Housing laws in your place of residence. Once you cohabit we cannot simply order or throw the other person out. We MUST follow the law to the T.
Do this within the law and you will be able to get rid of the bum.
Do it wrong and you could be paying him big bucks.
I totally understand your dilemma and your confusion because I've been there. He's had the last two years to work on your mind, to try to convince you that you are wrong and he's right.
BUT, you need to think very seriously about how you would feel if your father had treated your mother this way when you were growing up. And if your father would have treated your mother this way, he would also have treated you this way. How would you feel as a child watching the mother you love being denigrated constantly, being called names, and occasionally being handed a good time? If you were constantly talked down to and called names?
That is exactly what will happen to you and your children if you don't get away from this man. You have a whole life to live - do you really want to live it under the thumb of someone like that - someone who will constantly berate you; who will yell at and insult your children; who will eventually cut you off from your own family and friends? Because that is what this type of man does.
Or do you want to live it with a partner who will share cleaning duties with you; who will laugh with you and talk to you; who will give you gifts; will celebrate all the good things in life with you; who will help you raise your children to become healthy and happy adults?