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Old 01-29-2011, 05:52 AM   #1
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Single with Most Friends Married

Ugh! 32 and all but 2 friends are married. How do I get myself out there to meet people when I don't have people to do it with? Are there others out there in my boat? Any suggestions? I feel like I've come to live a very boring, go to work, come home type of life. I haven't had luck with internet dating, more for the fact that I can't get myself to go out with people. Not into the bar scene anymore. At a loss!

 
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Old 01-29-2011, 11:03 AM   #2
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

hi, there is no shame in being 32 and not married! I think you need to join groups that interest you, a gym? maybe volunteer at a library, or hospital? lots of single nurses there. a curch groupe or sporting events. anyplace where people gather with interests like your's. be confident in yourself, and be willing to talk to people of all kinds, it may not lead to marriage? but will lead to friends. which leads to other friends and on down the line. just be yourself, dont just try to fit in by being what others are or expect

I hope this helps

good luck and god bless

Larry/coupe
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Old 01-29-2011, 02:43 PM   #3
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

I'm glad you posted this, Will I, andn I'll be watching for advice too, as I'm in the same boat. I'm in my mid 40s, and only know married or paired up people. They either don't get why you're single, blame you for being too picky or not really wanting to find someone, or relentlessly fix you up with every middle-aged boorish and boring guy they know. It's not easy. One of the many reasons why there's still such a social stigma attached to being single over 30, and even worse over 40. I hope you get some good advice that works, as it might be useful for me as well. In the meantime, I'm just living my life as well as I can, going for walks, joining the church choir, playing in a band, taking opportunities as they come. Good luck to you.

 
Old 01-30-2011, 07:50 AM   #4
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

Thank you for both responses. I wonder how I got here. I do see how I got here, sort of. I've come to realize a lot about how I lived my life in my 20's. At the time, I thought I knew what I wanted, but never really dated. I went out with friends every weekend but never took chances with meeting people. In the last 2 years or so, while in therapy for depression/anxiety, it hit me that, I didn't know what I wanted all those years but that I was afraid to live life. Family issues, self esteem issues came into play. I feel I've reached that point in life where I wish I could go back and do things over. I'd have taken more chances, regardless of rejection (FEAR NUMERO UNO). I can't go back. Now 95% of my friends are married and I feel like I'm being punished for not knowing any better in my 20's. It hurts so much when I try to reach out to my friends to do things. There's always a reason why they can't or they don't even respond. I get they have a different life but it hurts. I really think they sometimes have NO CLUE. So I guess part of it is I feel rejected by my friends; why put myself out there to be rejected by those who are not my friends. I signed up for speed dating for next week. I should be excited or proud of myself. Yet I feel I will be walking in by myself saying, "I have no friends, how pathetic!" I don't want to be a bitter person but feel I deserve a break. I go to a gym 5 to 6 times a week. Trying to take photography classes. Looked for volunteering in the past year but found nothing. It's such a lonely feeling!

 
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Old 01-30-2011, 10:31 AM   #5
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

at least you have friends!! try moving to a new city after college and having to start all over again! you really are the odd person out when you're single. as adults, commonalities seem to be more important than ever when seeking out friends. a married person with kids is less likely to have much in common and things to talk about with a single person. at this point in time, they likely don't do much outside of the kids so there really isn't anything to talk about. i'm in a similar situation but making new friends is something that should just "happen", like any other relationship. it shouldn't take work. the times i've had friends it never took work. what i do is just get on with life. do the things you enjoy and take it from there. you really can't do too much else. you can try those social meetup type of sites to meet people as well. that seems to work as people that go to the scheduled events are actively looking for new friends as well as opposed to a gym where everyone has headphones on and really don't want to be disturbed.

 
Old 01-30-2011, 06:32 PM   #6
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

I have trouble with this too. Well, I'm 26 so most of my friends are unmarried and don't have kids yet, but most of my friends are people I've known for years. The new ones are people I just happened to have a fantastic connection with, but that's rare. What I have trouble with is going from acquaintance to friend. I have a million acquaintances but find it hard to move it to the next level. How does one go about doing that? It's true, just going to the gym and stuff, it's possible to talk to someone, but I'd find it hard to ask for someone's number and actually start hanging out with them. Same with college. I talk to plenty of people but I'd feel desperate asking someone to go hang out because we had one conversation. How do people meet new close friends?

 
Old 01-30-2011, 11:36 PM   #7
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

Yep I am starting to feel this too. I am 28 now will be 29 in 5 months. During college I had tons of friends and endless amounts of oppurtunities with women. I didnt even realize it at the time. I had some flings and short stuff but never reallly went anywhere with any of them. I always had parties and things to go to so I never found that need for a relationship. Well I look back now and wish I would have developed a long term realtion with one of these girls because my options are so limited now and as with others I have hard time makeing friends. There is one girl whom I still in contact with from college..and I got the impression that she wanted to marry me...only problem was that when I knew here in college she cheated on her bf with me. I didnt know about this until later and also found out that she was with many other guys...so I dont think I could ever marry this girl despite her being real fun to be with. Now I am in the military in the foreign country and I have no friends. I have a lot of people I work and know but they have already developed their clicks before I got here and never was squeezed in.

I have went out on my own in many occasions to bars and have made out with around 10 girls...most of them being young but not looking for anything serious. I tried with a couple of them to do more things..but I think when they found out I didnt have many friends and was a little bit older they lost interest. I have had 2 somewhat gf's out of this group..where the relationship went further physically and we hung out more. 1 of them lived in another city and the other was only visiting a friend for about a month. I really got tired of this going out alone thing after awhile and just going to bars in general. I have realized I needed to make myself more of a life to be able to keep a girl I am interested in. I have a good career and everything, it is just that social side of things where I dont have much. I try to live life to the fullest by myself which is lame but I guess better than doing nothing. I havnt even tried to go out for the past month or so because I am just sick of it, and looking to meet girls another way and trying to meet friends and that. Most of my friends back home are getting married or are married already. It is starting to sink in and the feeling of getting old is creeping in. You really just dont appreciate the oppurtunities you have when your young and think that life is always going to be a party. Well I feel you on this one. Goood luck!

Last edited by waywardson; 01-30-2011 at 11:37 PM.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:28 AM   #8
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will I Be Happy View Post
Ugh! 32 and all but 2 friends are married. How do I get myself out there to meet people when I don't have people to do it with? Are there others out there in my boat? Any suggestions? I feel like I've come to live a very boring, go to work, come home type of life. I haven't had luck with internet dating, more for the fact that I can't get myself to go out with people. Not into the bar scene anymore. At a loss!

Hey, I'm with you! Turning 30 this year, newly single, but ready to take on the world!

My suggestion is that you get involved with something outside of work you're passionate about. For me, it's hiking and biking. It's a great way to meet people. I think the best thing to do is to put your energy into it to such a degree that you aren't even concerned with meeting anyone! People come and go, so do guys, and maybe you'll make some more single friends! There are a lot of us out there!!!

keep your head up and stay strong! 30s are great!!!!

Last edited by dkb; 01-31-2011 at 08:49 AM.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:54 AM   #9
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

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Originally Posted by digmusic View Post
I have trouble with this too. Well, I'm 26 so most of my friends are unmarried and don't have kids yet, but most of my friends are people I've known for years. The new ones are people I just happened to have a fantastic connection with, but that's rare. What I have trouble with is going from acquaintance to friend. I have a million acquaintances but find it hard to move it to the next level. How does one go about doing that? It's true, just going to the gym and stuff, it's possible to talk to someone, but I'd find it hard to ask for someone's number and actually start hanging out with them. Same with college. I talk to plenty of people but I'd feel desperate asking someone to go hang out because we had one conversation. How do people meet new close friends?
it just happens I guess. You meet someone, have a great talk or two, and exchange numbers or emails or whatever. I met one really good friend in College in a similar circumstance. We were both one level below our class, thinking it was in the same room. We laughed about it and then realized that we has 2 courses together, and just started chatting. Love that girl to death. She's helped me through a lot.

My suggestion is to not feel too shy, to nip those thoughts in the bud! If it's a guy friend or a girl friend, suggest coffee or a meal, or a movie, or anything really. Your options are endless and should be based around things you like to do. As you know, the worst thing they can say is no, or that they're busy, at which point, you leave the ball in their court and mention they give you a call when they're free, and you can hook something up. No big loss if it doesn't go anywhere, right?

I too have more acquaintances than friends. But the good friends I have are all my best friends. And I love it like that!

Last edited by dkb; 01-31-2011 at 08:57 AM.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 09:29 AM   #10
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Re: Single with Most Friends Married

I'm 42 and used to search for a significant other. I no longer am. You need to learn to feel happy in the situation you're in. Perhaps you overwhelmed your friends with the typical single person's "I'm single" type talk. You may have not even realized that you were doing it, . . . but for many singles, they are myopic on "being single". As for your friends not hanging out with you [or appearing not to want to . . . which is a big difference], I am in the same boat as you. My other friends are all married and have their married lives. And sad as it may be, if they get together with people, they are those who are married too. It sucks that people get that way, only wanting to have other couples to do things with, but it happens, I've accepted it, and mostly I go over to my brother's apartment [who lives there with his wife], or my sister's house [who's married with two kids]. It is as close to a social life as I'll most likely get, since I left the church well over a year ago.

Finding a social group is very difficult. I've tried, but there aren't a lot of opportunities in my area, so I learn to be content with my family, then coming home to a quite apartment. I'm sorry that you're going through what you are. Life never promises fairness, so you have to make the best of it.
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