Paranoid with a little bit of improvement
I used to be extremely paranoid to the extend where when i used to see my boyfriend become friends with girls i used to jump to conclusions that there might be something going on between them without any kind of facts to it. After three years of such behavior he decided that he couldn't take it anymore so he left. I later realized what i was doing wrong and that my fears that he might leave me for someone else back fired and he left me all because of me.
We got back together after about 5 months apart and i've made slight improvements in regards to my paranoia issues, little things that used to get on my nerves and haunt me for days together before; I ignore it now. I try to put myself in his shoes and see how he feels when i behave that way and I try not to jump to stupid conclusions and to always think with an open mind.
But, still this is not enough change, I want to able to trust him without having to convince myself about anything. He has never given me a reason to doubt him and he tells me everything but i still insist on knowing everything that goes on in his life which i know is not right. If i see something new in his life i get so inquisitive and i have to know what it is, where it came from and all these types of questions.
I know he will never cheat on me, he loves me to bits, but I don't want to burden him with these issues of mine in a few years time we want to get married but how will i be able to get married to him if i can't trust him only because of my insecurities.
I've thought of going to see a psychologist but I really don't want to get stuck taking pills the rest of my life. I want to be able to help myself without having to take medication to make me think.