It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-04-2011, 08:34 PM   #1
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: U.S.
Posts: 335
tattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB User
What is wrong with me?

There has to be something wrong with me. It is the only thing I have yet to think... I have, like, no friends. I have one good friend who lives 4 hours away from me. Besides this friend, that is pretty much it. I have plenty of "friends", but they are nothing more than acquaintances. Try as I might, I just can't make or keep friends. I moved to where I currently live about 4 years ago. I made a few friends in the beginning, one was a pretty close friend. Needless to say I am not friends with this person anymore. I met a few more people through work and we have had girls nights, sporadically, but nothing major. Lately, within the last few months I have not even heard from these girls. I have tried relentlessly to arrange girls nights, movie nights, anything and nothing has come of it. I have two "friends" who literally keep up this ridiculous charade of "let's have dinner, let's have a girls night" and then they never follow through. When they say they want to do these things I am enthusiastic and say whenever they can do it I am up for it. Well, as I said before, nothing comes of it. One of these "friends" is going out with her friends for a girl night tonight (I know this courtesy of facebook) and I didn't even get an invite, even when just a few days ago she said we need to do a girl night. Another "friend" made no effort whatsoever in our "friendship". I would tell her how I was pretty lonely with my boyfriend working at night every night and she never caught the hint. I just don't get it. If a friend told me she was lonely and having a hard time, I would make time for her.
I am beyond confused. Why do people do this to me? Why am I practically a leper to all the people I have met? I am extremely lonely right now. My boyfriend works nights and pretty much I am alone every night. My family lives 4 hours away, or I would be with them. I guess I just need to vent...I am so depressed.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 02-05-2011, 04:31 AM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

sorry to hear that honey it does sound upsetting. all i can suggest is forget those 'friends' because in all honesty they are not true friends. delete them from fb so then you dont have to see there plans of girl nights and no invite for you it will just keep making you feel down if you keep them around. you need to make NEW friends now, you'll have to do the whole new hobby thing i think like going to a class or gym or where ever you like and getting to meet new friends. i know the feeling of loneliness when it comes to friends , last night i arranged with one of my friends for me to go see them i travelled all the way there and then got there and they didnt answer door or wasnt in i waited 45 minutes this 'friend' is a type of person that if they change there mind and dont want company they wont bother answering the phone to tell you so they will just leave you standing at the door and ignore it so that friendships over i forgave this friend for doing it before but not anymore, also my other friends only want to meet up when they is a party planned but i dont drink and i dont go to there partys anymore as they just get drunk, fight, sleep with eachother and take drugs etc etc...anyway my point is that sometimes we just have to walk away from those people that are no good. i am doing that right now and its hard but its exciting then when i start college i will meet new people. maybe you could try it too start a college course, a class , gym anything at all that interests you and i bet in no time you'll meet new people as you sound a nice person. good luck and hugs x

oh and they is nothing wrong with you , its them with the problems they are been selfish and pretty heartless aswell to not invite you.

Last edited by cryingforever; 02-05-2011 at 04:37 AM. Reason: added extra on :)

 
Old 02-05-2011, 05:28 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: US
Posts: 787
BeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

It's probably that you just don't fit in with these girls personalities. It's not that that is a bad thing...it's just that you need to get rid of those friends and find ones that you have things in common with. It's pretty obvious that for whatever reason these girls don't want you around so stop wasting your time expecting an invitation. It could just be that they are different than you are and you just don't fit in. I don't mean it in a bad way it's just that these are not your friends.

Can you think of any reason that you aren't included in their girls night outs? Can you think of something like everyone always wants to go do this or that and you are the one that doesn't want to do what everyone else wants to do? Maybe if you think about your past outings you can put your finger on something?

 
Old 02-05-2011, 08:58 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 811
Kali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

I don't know... I had a lot of close friends when I was young, but we drifted apart in our early 20s, what with husbands and young children and all.
I never really made any friends like that again.
I have coworkers, acquaintances... but no real friends.
Just my husband (who has no close friends, either).

I think it's that way sometimes.

Last edited by Kali333; 02-05-2011 at 08:59 AM.

 
Old 02-05-2011, 09:07 PM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: U.S.
Posts: 335
tattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

Thank you all very much for the replies. I know that I need to just accept that perhaps these girls are just not meant to be my friends. However, it makes me feel very rejected and unwanted. If it were just a couple, or I had at least one close friend here, it wouldn't be as bad. BUT, that is now how it is. All I have is my boyfriend. He is wonderful, but as I said in my original post, he works nights. I have a lot of time for friends, but they are non-existent. I have a lot of hobbies, I write a blog, I make frames, I scrapbook, I workout, etc. So, I fill my time doing things on my own. I look forward to when I can go home to see my family. I have a cousin around my age who I am very close to. I know that I am able to form healthy relationships, so I know I am not a lost cause, but what is the deal with the people here? I forget who said it, but no, I do not make conversations just about me. I am very much interested in others and I act like it. Biggest issue here is that I am exponentially more interested in others than they are of me. I have deleted a few of these "friends" from my facebook and the most ridiculous part of it is that they haven't even noticed! That shows how important I was to them! It is so depressing...

 
Old 02-06-2011, 05:00 AM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

these hobbies sound to be indoors. is they any you could do outdoors i mean like going to a class? volunteering etc...? i wouldnt worry and get upset about those 'friends' as your not missing much as they werent really there anyway. now you have a few options you can either feel depressed about it, or you can hold your head up real high and consider it a complete fresh start and open to new friends, new opportunitys, new hobbys which could be anything you like. hugs though as it must be upsetting.

 
Old 02-06-2011, 04:13 PM   #7
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: U.S.
Posts: 335
tattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

My goal for the new year was to just be positive and be happy with what I have. I have an amazing friend in my hometown, an amazing family and of course, an amazing boyfriend. I also have a pretty successful blog and I am very creative with many things I do. BUT still, it is really hard to be in every Friday and Saturday night. I crave and feel like I need some girl and gossip time, just like every other human girl. I workout with some girls from work, so that's nice, but two of them do things together that they do not ask me to do. It is weird because one of the girls started working out with me first then asked the other girl to join. Now these two girls are two peas in a pod. I am very grateful they ask me to join them in their working out, but I don't feel like a part of the group, if that makes sense. I would love to find fun extra-curricular activities to do, but I live in a fairly small town and there aren't many options. I am thinking of joining a roller derby team, but it is pricey. I feel like it shouldn't cost me money to find a new friend (especially when we are pretty broke right now).

 
Old 02-06-2011, 04:17 PM   #8
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

Why not ask the girls if you can join them? be counted. There kinda your friends too so im pretty sure they wouldnt say no. nothing wrong with asking. maybe you should make first move and see what happens.

 
Old 02-06-2011, 05:09 PM   #9
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: U.S.
Posts: 335
tattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB Usertattoogirly HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

I will try but like I said before, I feel like the third wheel already. I think that perhaps I have really low self-esteem...

 
Old 02-06-2011, 06:44 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 811
Kali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB UserKali333 HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

I like the suggestion about volunteering.
Find a cause that's really meaningful to you, and volunteer some of your time to it.
You'll make new friends, ones that share common goals and interests, and I'll bet it will really help your self-esteem as well.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to Kali333 For This Useful Post:
cryingforever (02-06-2011)
Old 02-06-2011, 06:45 PM   #11
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: What is wrong with me?

yeah it does sound like it. just try have more confidence. easier said than done i know but just think in your head :

''i am going to ask to join them if they are nice people they wont mind me making friends with them as everybody needs friends and theres no reason why i shouldnt be counted if they say no then they are not worth the time of day''

nice people dont turn away people whos trying to make friends they are understanding and welcoming. could you invite them round to your place? boyfriend go see his friends few hours and you lot have girly time say you'll cook dinner or get some movies in. i mean why would they say no? not everybody you'll come across is heartless. if i was them girls and you asked me i would think it is lovely and of course i would go for a movie/dinner night.

Last edited by cryingforever; 02-06-2011 at 06:48 PM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I don't know what to do.. djl Relationship Health 6 09-16-2009 02:23 PM
What is this? thatgirltoo Relationship Health 7 10-15-2008 09:52 AM
What am I Doing Wrong? chill200 Relationship Health 6 12-04-2007 08:17 AM
I seriously have no idea how to act or what to do. MrZeely Relationship Health 22 08-25-2007 09:19 PM
What is a Friend? / What is wrong with me? kiehn Relationship Health 25 11-11-2006 10:29 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (271), rosequartz (251), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (95), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1165), MSJayhawk (1000), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:17 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!