I admit it. I snooped into his email that was open. I found that last year he opened a Craigslist account and was answering ads titled such as "ready for fun and action" last year. I'm wondering if there were others that were deleted but I will never know. He was also answering quite a few ads from women selling used worn panties and asking them for pictures of them wearing it, where to meet up and if he could remove them from their body. There were no emails that ever actually set up a meeting but a lot of correspondence was there. I did discover a pair of underwear stashed in an unused duffel bag which disappeared after the confrontation.I never found any phone number exchanges.
One of the email replies from him was
"Hey what's going on, I just got home. I live in Howard Beach, and yes, I do have a car.
What you up 2 tonight?
P.S I dont mind married women. "
"Let me know when you're available. I'm always up for a drink and could scoop you up."
When I confronted him he claims it was just for fun and he never actually met anyone, he was just toying around. I mean nudie magazines and porn is one thing but this is another. He swears he will never do anything like that ever again and apologized. I moved in 5 months ago (we were in different states) and there hasn't been anything after that date.
Do I believe this? Am I a complete idiot if I do? Should I accept this? Please help. Any input from men and women would be greatly appreciated. I'm tearing my hair out over this.
he was looking to cheat. sorry but its so obvious. i think you should get rid of him. you will always have these questions running round your head and probably dont trust him. he hasnt respected you when he was doing those things therefore hes not worth bothering with in my opinion but its about what you want and if you can let it go what he did before and wether you can trust him in the future? think hard and deep. could you really trust him? he might not have met any of them yet but maybe because the other women didnt want to know him afterall.
If it were me, when confronting him, I would have told him how gross that is to buy used panties from strangers on the internet. I mean that's just sick! If it were me, I would have broken up with him then and there for being so gross. Whether or not he actually bought them is irrelevant, the fact that he actually posted about it means he was thinking about it and a normal guy wouldn't do something like that, even if he didn't actually buy any. Really, how can you even look at the guy knowing this about him? Forget about the possible cheating thing, I'd ditch him for being a deviant.
Mandy - from what I gather from your posts, this all happened a year ago, when you found all this out, and then you decided to go ahead and move in with him anyway, and now you're worried that it might still be going on, even though you haven't seen any evidence that it's still happening, right?
Well, like Reagan said, "trust but verify." I don't think living with someone you don't trust is the ideal situation, and you obviously still don't trust this guy. For good reason. But you're living with him and at least for now have decided to commit to a relationship with him, so at some point, in order for it to work, and for you not to keep tearing your hair out, you must get to a point where you can trust him. I'd say continue to check his email and such for a while, and if you don't find anything suspicious, you need to work on gradually letting it go. You can't live with someone you don't trust. That will drive you crazy. So you must either confirm for yourself that he is in fact now trustworthy and trust him, or leave. There really isn't much gray area here. But no, if you do find that he's continuing in this behavior, you should not "put up" with it. You should never "put up" with anything that hurts you, emotionally or physically, damages your self esteem, or seriously goes against your moral code for the sake of a relationship.
Do you have a job and money of your own? If so, good. If not, get one. Even if you live with someone, you still need to maintain some independence. You have no idea how many women come here in very bad, even dangerous, living situations but can't leave because they don't work and have no money of their own. So I hope you do. Then, if you do find something that doesn't sit right with you, you can just pack up and walk out.
you must be brave to of moved in with someone who is into that kind of thing.
She didn't KNOW, obviously.
It's got nothing to do with being "brave".
He's been lying, sneaking, and betraying her.
It's not her fault; it could happen to anyone.
Now that she knows what he's about, i hope she'll leave him.
I guess the situation made me so angry and appalled that I didn't bother reading it carefully enough.
If she moved in after finding out about all this... I guess I have no further advice to give.
I hope she thinks this through carefully, and leaves. And gets thoroughly tested for STDs, since a lot of those women in those Craig's List ads are- ermm- "professionals", if you know what I mean.
I'd be very concerned about my health, in that situation.
Last edited by Kali333; 02-06-2011 at 08:25 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to Kali333 For This Useful Post: cryingforever (02-06-2011)
Well, in his defense, there's guys (and gals) out there with a lot weirder fetishes than panties, and no one says that having a fetish is a disqualifying factor for a relationship. (It is weird, though.) I'd be much more concerned about the timeline (i.e., when was this happening and what was the status of your relationship then?) It's a little confusing.
WOW... I just dealt the with same thing a few years ago!
Well my EX was on Craigs list, Ashley Madison (plus more which I found out later). He even had a dirty email address for all his dirty work. My sister actually found his email account left open on HER computer!
I confronted him... and he said it was a joke with his buddies from work. Yeah ok... I told him to show me the joke and make me laugh. He couldn't. He gave me the password for the email address (which I changed) and more emails kept coming. Like more personal emails, like how much, oh I was busy last night with the GF... blah blah blah!
So I ended it. I did not want to waste my mind wondering who is he txting or emailing... he completely lost my trust. I was also completely turned off. Dirty.
Get rid of him!
The Following User Says Thank You to misspurple13 For This Useful Post: Kali333 (02-10-2011)
I'm sorry, but that is disgusting and I would be done with him. Whether or not he followed up on any of those emails that were exchanged, the fact that he would even have that thought in his head is cheating to me. I know it may not be as easy as to just get rid of him that simply, since you did pick up and leave from another state to live with him, but I honestly think he would cheat based on what I've read (if he hasn't already, he will cheat again). I'd be planning my exit from him...