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Old 02-10-2011, 06:14 PM   #1
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Exclamation Paranoia, Please help!!!

I was going through a long distance relationship with this one amazing girl and I had no doubt on my mind that this girl was going to be the one. After 6 months of dating the relationship came to a horrible ending, and my first true broken heart happened. After about a month of crying, this one other girl saw how miserable I looked so she started to cheer me up, and after a while I ended up going out with her. Now this girl didnt live so close to me so I considered that relationship to be a another long distance relationship. She was just as amazing as the first but we didnt last that long either and sure enough I was heading down another long voyage of depression. These two girls both damaged my heart and left me with such a big scar.
Ive met another girl and shes even more amazing and beautiful than the other two. Problem is, she doesnt live so close to me but i see her three times a week. Those past relationship left me with such a big paranoia that now I think that no long distance relationship is ever going to work out even if we do see each other often. I need help and I need help fast! Im tired of pushing girls away because of my paranoia and I want this to change because I really do want things to work out with my current girlfriend. I try to convince myself to get over my two bad break ups but tha never seems to work. I cant do this alone and I need your guys' help fast!!

 
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Old 02-11-2011, 09:45 AM   #2
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Re: Paranoia, Please help!!!

Long-distance relationships can be a challenge for most people, so you are not alone. But if both of you are really commited to each other and are patient enough to wait for the right time to be together and share your common goals, then it can be a very enriching/exciting experience. Besides, a certain distance helps to preserve the relationship, because you are not exposed to a fixed routine and to the stress of being together too frequently. So please try to see the good side of a long-distance bond. I emphasize the word "bond", because if there really is a bond between you guys, then it is likely to work.

If you broke up with those two previous girlfriends, then perhaps the unread message is that they were not meant for you. Keep looking. You are too young to be that disheartened. And even if you were older, there is always a chance to be happy again. The trick is not to be too demanding, right?

 
Old 02-11-2011, 10:50 AM   #3
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Re: Paranoia, Please help!!!

Hello Skater, and welcome to the HealthBoards.

If we practice, we can learn to change the way we look at things, which allows for us to change how we react to things. Using this method, we can have much more control over what can and cannot hurt us.

When you think of the odds of finding the right person on the first, second, or third try, we can see how difficult that would be. Probably up there with winning the lottery.

The dating phase of life is not meant to be so deeply hurtful that it leaves you as damaged goods before you even get started. Instead it is more of a time to get to know yourself and another in a way that leads to further dating, or to move on to another who is closer to your type.

If you add paranoia to the mixture, the likelihood of her picking up on that is high, and enough to ruin it. You may be choosing these out of town girls as a way to buffer yourself against having to get too close.

I encourage you to do some exercises in positive thinking skills. Learn how to choose how you want to think about every single thing that comes in to your life. Learn to remove the negative self talk that often sabotages your self image and control.

We cannot change many things in life, but we can choose how we think about them. This is a powerful tool to learn early in life, because it can be used in everyday situations, for the rest of your life.

Paranoia is false fear. Learn to recognize it and remove it from your life. Without that burden, the world can then open itself up to you. With that will come all the people and experiences that make up a happy healthy life for you.

Continuing to pursue relationships without first clearing this paranoia will only lead to more heartbreak, for both parties. You are young and have the opportunity to get your life off to a great start, once this negative self talk is not interrupting your conversations.

 
Old 02-11-2011, 01:06 PM   #4
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Re: Paranoia, Please help!!!

Just want to compliment "writeleft" on a wonderful post. I hope you read it over and over and take it to heart!

 
Old 02-11-2011, 09:59 PM   #5
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Re: Paranoia, Please help!!!

Big Red,
Thank you for your kind words.

 
Old 02-14-2011, 10:59 AM   #6
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Re: Paranoia, Please help!!!

Wow, Dude, it sounds like the ladies are knocking down your door.

But, yea, in my view a long-distance relationship is never going to survive. There's just too much that goes into building a relationship and only so much can be accomplished through emails, phone calls and the like. Personally, I'm a big fan of living together with a mate to really know if you're compatible. I lived with my wife for four years before we tied the knot and only by living together did we truly find out how well we go together.

 
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