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Old 02-12-2011, 07:18 AM   #1
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after 6yrs, she won't even speak to me

I am a38 male, I was with the love of my life for 4yrs we were a perfect match. At year five, I bought a ring, she was upset because I did not go out a lot that summer, since I was paying off said ring. after that we started having problems, lack of sex, and intimacy. but we still best friends. I would ask what happened, what did I do etc.. Her answers were always I do not know. I gained some weight during the comfy part of relationship and asked if that as the case. She said no, I asked what can I do to help fix us, again I do not know.

I would talk about the future all the time and that we were a team, and that I was so happy to have her in my life. Bu tI was also getting fustrated, at the lack of our intimacy and our closeness for a future. She said I did not like her friends, and I would remind her that in the 6yrs we were together, THEY were the ones that never came out to do anything we invited them to. Going out to dinner events in the city, to camping trips, to food festivals etc. They never made it to one of her birthday nights, not one.

So in october I broke up with her, out of fustration, and was not the right thing to do. We hung out in november went on two dates had a great time just like we always would when we were together. She said While in Coney Island that I should have proposed to make a grand gesture. I was shocked and confused, I said she was not ready we need to figure out what our problem is. She was upset at me??? I took a few weeks and wrote her a very open and loving letter and said that we should go to a therapist and talk about this. and that our relationship was built on love and respect etc.

I then foudn out that she was already seeing someone by thanksgiving, not even 10 tens after she said to propose to here. She got so mad at me she blocked me from all of our sites like Facebook, Twitter, de-friended only some of our mutual friends, and had some of her friends de-friend me.

She has not spoken or emailed me since then, and asked me to stop contacting her. The guy she is seeing is nothing like me, he is a player known for having many ladies, and also STD's I asked around. What I want to know is why do I still care and when will this denial stop, that she is going to come running back to me?

I lost 25 lbs from not eating, I do not sleep, went to a shrink and was put on anti-depressants. This is not the person I am, I have lost all of myself from this relationship. All I do is whine about it. I do not want to ruin my life over this.

Any suggestion or input???

 
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Old 02-12-2011, 10:55 AM   #2
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Re: after 6yrs, she won't even speak to me

I may be wrong as I'm saying this based on my experience more than yours but I think, especially based on your age, that sometimes people just wait too long. I know you have all your reasons and in your mind things were going along just grand, but I'm not so sure that was what she was feeling. To wait all those years before you make a full commitment makes a person wonder if they should start to look elsewhere.

A lot of people use cost (rings/wedding) as a reason to delay but I've actually known very few women in my life (one actually) who would have said no based on the $$ spent on the ring. There are perfectly nice ring sets out there for less than $300.

She's have to tell you what happened. But I wouldn't be surprised if she just had enough time to lose faith that what you had was for forever. People underestimate the power of marriage but I do believe it makes people see things differently and tough out the slow times more.

 
Old 02-12-2011, 03:57 PM   #3
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Re: after 6yrs, she won't even speak to me

I think you really need to move on from this former relationship. It wasnt mean't to be and i know its hard hearing that BUT best to be honest isnt it?. I think you could maybe go see a counsellor to help put this behind you and step into a bright future thats waiting for you. You need to get yourself out in the world and meet new people, do fun things and some day you will get over things. If she was coming back , i think she would of done by now dont you think? Sounds like shes moved on and maybe you should stop focusing on the 'what ifs' , 'what happened' ...why do you want her back anyway she asked you to propose to her while shes seeing someone else? thats just wrong.

 
Old 02-16-2011, 10:04 AM   #4
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Re: after 6yrs, she won't even speak to me

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
I think you really need to move on from this former relationship. It wasnt mean't to be and i know its hard hearing that BUT best to be honest isnt it?. I think you could maybe go see a counsellor to help put this behind you and step into a bright future thats waiting for you. You need to get yourself out in the world and meet new people, do fun things and some day you will get over things. If she was coming back , i think she would of done by now dont you think? Sounds like shes moved on and maybe you should stop focusing on the 'what ifs' , 'what happened' ...why do you want her back anyway she asked you to propose to her while shes seeing someone else? thats just wrong.
Sorry, I am coming a bit late to this thread. But in general I endorse crying's words. Move on, too. Maybe later you will understand better what each of you did to make things fall apart. It would also help if you stopped referring to her as "the love of your life". Is there such a thing? Well, maybe, but maybe it was not her and if it were anyway, it was just for a while, not for the duration of your life.

 
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