Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Minot, Nd, United States
Engaged and confused
Long story- not so short.....I'm 24, and have been dating a wonderful man for 3 years. We went to school together, and have a long history of friendship, but didn't start dating until he had moved away to go to college around age 20. We dated long-distance for 2 years, which was very hard, until he moved back home to be near me until I finish school. Like other posts I've read, my fiance is the nicest man, and certainly feels like one-of-a-kind. He has an unconditional love for me that is almost impossible to deny. I know he would be a great husband.
To continue the back story, once he moved home we started having problems, and since we had just gotten through long-distance, I thought we could conquer anything. He now works for the oil field to pay off school loans and is working such long hours that I see him maybe once a week. Its always been hard for him to keep contact with me, with our different schedules and lives, but when we're near each other, we ease into movie-watching monotony. Still, I know how much he loves me, and I do love him, and I was excited to someday see more of him, which is why I said yes when he proposed 2 months ago.
During our time apart I've kept close contact with friends, to maintain my own personal life since he can't be around. For the past year, I've kept weekly contact, talking, with 1 friend that I've known for 7 years and doesn't live here. When we first met I had feelings for him, but distance squashed that long ago and we've been platonic (I thought) without mentioning any feelings and while he's dated other people.
This last summer he passed through with a friend of his and stopped by for a few days on his way to visiting his brother. We reconnected and enjoyed spending time together as if we'd been friends hanging out together for years.
Apparently, after that trip, he'd planned to tell me he had feelings for me, but then I got engaged. He acted distant, and when I confronted him, he finally told me. I was surprised and upset, and we haven't talked much since.
Now, I am torn because I am thinking things I should not be wondering. When you get engaged, you give up looking, so I don't understand how I can even entertain the idea of something I gave up thinking long ago. Especially since he doesnt even live here and we'd end up dating distance.. which I'm not fond of.
I love my fiance's family. I feel so attached to them, since we bonded while my fiance was away, but.... when I think about my friend, I feel like he is everything I would want in someone. Worldly, adventurous, witty..a certain kind of connetion... things that I don't attribute my loving fiance to having.
I have feelings for him, strong ones, that are now dredged up and causing me to doubt being with someone I've had 3 years to build ties with.. and wonder, What if?
Maybe I have committment issues.
The wedding planning hasn't started, but the thought of hurting my fiance (or his family) that much kills me... I don't think I could live to see someone that kind, in pain that I caused from my doubts. We could have a loving, nice life together... if only I could stop thinking about the things I like about my friend. Either way my friendship is ruined... I don't know what to do. This decision will last the rest of my life.
I feel terrible. No one is exempt from getting hurt..
I know this is a long entry, but I'm hoping someone will have some insight on how to tackle this emotional issue.