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Old 02-18-2011, 07:25 AM   #1
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Thank you.

Thank you all for your replies.

Last edited by kiara2010; 02-21-2011 at 08:05 PM.

 
Old 02-18-2011, 08:00 AM   #2
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

Did I get it right? You meet him twice in the month and then you have all this scenario going on? Wow, that is really too much for anyone. Even if I allow for him to be stressed out or burnt out for having to work hard and away from his home, I should think that this relationship is doomed. It feels like you guys are incompatible, so I don't understand clearly why you say you love him and he loves you. How can there be love if there is no patience and mutual understanding?

 
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Old 02-18-2011, 08:14 AM   #3
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

you need to end this relationship.
it's not doing you any good.....he's got serious problems, none of which you can solve. He is responsible for his own anger, for his actions, reactions, etc. don't ever let anyone tell you that you're the cause of them losing their temper. he can't control himself, but he's attempting to control and manipulate you......lose this loser, your life will be so much better without him.

Last edited by rosequartz; 02-18-2011 at 08:14 AM.

 
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Old 02-18-2011, 08:56 AM   #4
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

because I love this guy.. he is a nice person .. I am just not able to accept his negative side.. I don't know if I am doing it wrong I mean.. he just now told me that its me who is causing problems and not understanding his issues.. he feels that I all the time ***** about some problems in our relationship... he says that he already have apologized for getting angry on me and I should not talk about it an think about it over and over again.. I suggested him let's go to counselor but he says its me who needs some help and not him... he doesnt want to talk to me now.. when I tried calling him, he did not reply instead he said he is scared that he has no idea where i would take this and that I will take it to the level where he will lose control and then i will blame him .. he says he is going to control his emotions his own way and will not talk to me.. BANG! I am the one who is doing all this...

everything was so nice before.. I doubt now if he really loves me.. when everything is ok he is very caring and loving but as soon as smthin happens he is not the one I knw..

 
Old 02-18-2011, 09:04 AM   #5
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

that's what abusers do....they turn the situation around on you and try to blame you for things that are not your fault......
he's already beating you into submission (figuratively)
he's got you believeing you're the cause of his problems.....
stop taking the blame and get out while you still can.

 
Old 02-18-2011, 09:24 AM   #6
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

You have two choices: 1) you can end the relationship before something really bad happens; or 2) you can stay in the relationship and become more and more beat down and depressed until you lose yourself and until every bit of love you have in you is drained. This will affect any future relationships you have, including with children. Can you even imagine bringing children into this dynamic?!?!?

You are not doing yourself or him any favors by remaining in the relationship. You cannot make him change. The only person in the entire world who can force change on us is ourself. I can change my actions and reactions; I cannot change those of the people I relate to.

 
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Old 02-18-2011, 10:44 AM   #7
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

I am just thinking and thinking about it but is not happening.. every time I am convincing myself that may be I am not taking it patiently ...I don't know...
What I feel is may be I have to learn to let go and not continuously bother him.. I have seen him loving me and taking care of me .. that is why I feel what if I just give him some time and don't tell him every now and then continuously about our relationship problems...
I am not able to understand my own behavior...

 
Old 02-18-2011, 12:06 PM   #8
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

Kiara, you're not getting the point. The point is that you are not the problem. He is manipulating you and the situation to make you think you are the problem when in fact he is the one, not you. He has gotten inside your head already and made you doubt yourself. That's not something a loving guy does. He doesn't sound at all loving or caring, he sounds like a manipulative jerk. If you guys can't even talk through your arguments to resolve the situation, then this relationship will never last. But guess what? You have the ability to talk through problems but HE does not. HE is rthe one who has to learn and if he won't and keeps twisting it around on you, then he is a lying sack of something starting with the letter S. End of story.

 
Old 02-18-2011, 06:44 PM   #9
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

So what you're saying is, all you have to do is keep your mouth shut, never say anything that might upset him or make him angry, and never tell him if something bothers you, and things will be perfect?

Do you see what's terribly wrong with living like that?

 
Old 02-20-2011, 01:38 PM   #10
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

erm yeah hes a bully. he isnt going to change that is who he is and no matter what you say or do or however much you fill him with love he wont change. you are letting him get away with treating you this way so he doesnt have to change. stop taking blame get strong and stand upto him and tell him to get lost.

be very very careful been with someone like that because it can destroy any confidence and self worth that you have left and can lead to long term emotional/mental problems. believe me im talking from experience im currently in therapy because i cant cope with the past and need to move on. slow process

Last edited by cryingforever; 02-20-2011 at 01:45 PM.

 
Old 02-20-2011, 01:48 PM   #11
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigRed54 View Post
You have two choices: 1) you can end the relationship before something really bad happens; or 2) you can stay in the relationship and become more and more beat down and depressed until you lose yourself and until every bit of love you have in you is drained. This will affect any future relationships you have, including with children. Can you even imagine bringing children into this dynamic?!?!?

You are not doing yourself or him any favors by remaining in the relationship. You cannot make him change. The only person in the entire world who can force change on us is ourself. I can change my actions and reactions; I cannot change those of the people I relate to.

im in this situation now, severely damaged find it hard in my curret relationship because of my horrible past relationships and struggle to deal with his 2 children. just glad im in therapy making steps.

so as you can see kiara2010 it really can damage you aswell.

 
Old 02-21-2011, 08:23 AM   #12
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Re: Want to save my relationship...

Thank you..............

Last edited by kiara2010; 02-23-2011 at 08:21 AM.

 
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