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Old 02-18-2011, 09:23 PM   #1
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I feel like i've gone crazy

I find myself here sharing my experience for the last year because I have let everyone in my life go due to breaches of trust. When I first met my fiancee we had a beautiful relationship that was molded by beautiful intentions and non materialism. through time it seems like he ended up becoming more and more consumeristic and opposite of me I bring it up and it always becomes a problem, not saying that it is for people who care for it, it just isn't something I am interested in being a part of... were on separate roads and the only thing keeping me here is the sex.

I'm really confused...

but does a person usually come back to who they were when you met them or am i hoping on a lost cause!

sorry if it makes no sense im in an emotional rut!

 
Old 02-18-2011, 10:17 PM   #2
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

I think he is just going through a spell. I know another couple that are going through a spell where the guy has change on her also. Give him some time and maybe he will be himself again. Good luck.

Last edited by fuzzybuzzy; 02-18-2011 at 11:07 PM.

 
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Old 02-18-2011, 10:20 PM   #3
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

How materialistic and consumeristic are we talking here? Can you give me an example?

 
Old 02-18-2011, 10:26 PM   #4
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

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Originally Posted by digmusic View Post
How materialistic and consumeristic are we talking here? Can you give me an example?
he buys things i believe because he didn't have them as a child and he's gone crazy... he has ptsd and reacts impulsively and dramatically to anything his solution is materials like ipad iphone laptops etc....

he's very hypocritical too he will tell our friends about living minimally and then go do all those things i bring it up to him and then he says yeah it was a joke because it felt good to say at the time... i don't get it lol

 
Old 02-19-2011, 06:26 AM   #5
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

I'm sorry for your emotional rut, but I don't think you are really crazy.

If you ask me, love (and sex) is not enough to keep a relationship going on, especially if you both live together and are not in search of fun only. It is essential for partners to share a few common goals and have a few similar interests.

Maybe yes, some people come back to who they were, but to wait for this is like a shot in the dark.

If you are staying just for the sex or for some unfounded hopes, I am afraid you are going to be disappointed. Soon, I guess, even the sex will feel bad.

 
Old 02-19-2011, 09:30 AM   #6
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

Staying in a relationship hoping the other person will "change" never works. You either have to love them for who they are now or leave.

Great sex is a good thing but how often are you having sex lol? If you're unhappy the other 23 hours of the day then it's not really worth it.

 
Old 02-19-2011, 09:49 AM   #7
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

Yes, you said it yourself, the only thing keeping you in the relationship is the sex. And sex does not make a real relationship. This guy is more that just hypocritical, he's an out and out liar, telling people he's living minimally when he knows he loves expensive toys, and he admits he lies because it feels good to say. I'm guessing he hasn't really changed at all, he has merely dropped the "good behavior" and is showing you who he really is. You can put up with all his flaw and faults, feel dissatisfied and crazy for the sake of good sex, or you can leave, regain your sanity and free yourself to find someone more compatible, someone you can have a real emotional connection with as well as good sex. The choice is completely yours.

 
Old 02-19-2011, 09:53 AM   #8
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

It's so hard though he has ptsd and is in denial and I want him to seek help because I think when he does he can change.

We've been together for 3 years and I've made him such a part of my life that i feel so alone without him, even if when i'm alone I know i am better off!

 
Old 02-19-2011, 10:07 AM   #9
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

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Originally Posted by shamanix View Post
It's so hard though he has ptsd and is in denial and I want him to seek help because I think when he does he can change.
Then you're not loving him for who he is, you're loving him for who you hope he'll be one day, and that's always a mistake.


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Originally Posted by shamanix View Post
We've been together for 3 years and I've made him such a part of my life that i feel so alone without him, even if when i'm alone I know i am better off!
Staying with someone because you're afraid to deal with what it will feel like to be alone, also a mistake. Especially when you KNOW in the back of your mind that you'll be better off without him, and from what what you've told us, it sounds like you would be. I can't tell you what to do about this guy, and I know I'm just faceless words on a computer screen. And I know from personal experience just how hard it is to end it with someone you know you really need to break away from because you don't want to be alone, and because you're hoping it will somehow all get good again. I didn't have a choice, ultimately it was done for me, and he walked. All I can tell you is, now with 20/20 hindsight, I truly do deeply regret having put so much time and energy into a relationship with someone I was hoping would learn to love me better, hoping it would get good again like it was in the beginning, trying to get him to be that guy again. I regret not having had more pride and strength and I regret not having walked when my gut told me it was time. I think I would have rather dealt with the inevitable loneliness sooner than had to have to deal with the loneliness AND the shame, low self esteem, and feeling foolish for loving him, or the idea of him, more than was reasonable.

 
Old 02-19-2011, 10:10 AM   #10
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Re: I feel like i've gone crazy

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Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
Then you're not loving him for who he is, you're loving him for who you hope he'll be one day, and that's always a mistake.




Staying with someone because you're afraid to deal with what it will feel like to be alone, also a mistake. Especially when you KNOW in the back of your mind that you'll be better off without him, and from what what you've told us, it sounds like you would be. I can't tell you what to do about this guy, and I know I'm just faceless words on a computer screen. And I know from personal experience just how hard it is to end it with someone you know you really need to break away from because you don't want to be alone, and because you're hoping it will somehow all get good again. I didn't have a choice, ultimately it was done for me, and he walked. All I can tell you is, now with 20/20 hindsight, I truly do deeply regret having put so much time and energy into a relationship with someone I was hoping would learn to love me better, hoping it would get good again like it was in the beginning, trying to get him to be that guy again. I regret not having had more pride and strength and I regret not having walked when my gut told me it was time. I think I would have rather dealt with the inevitable loneliness sooner than had to have to deal with the loneliness AND the shame, low self esteem, and feeling foolish for loving him, or the idea of him, more than was reasonable.
I really appreciate your words... they've helped me beyond belief... we all get tired eventually and i need to redirect the energy i am using to just get myself to put a smile on everyday to find inner peace...

thanks so much for the replies!

 
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