Hi every one
So I figure I've had Social Anxiety every since I can remember (I'm 32 now). I force my self to go to things that involve lots of people just so I don't end up alone and hopeless. I do realy well with one-on-one situations and with groups of people that I'm close with and when I'm in the presence of groups that I'm not familiar with at all. Being with people that I know, together with others that I don't know however can be a torture. My mind starts going a million miles a second and I crash. It becomes very uncomfortable and thinking of leaving just adds even more anxiety to it
Weddings are by far the worst situations I have been in. I generaly avoid them but sometimes I just can't. Funny thing is that the ones I can't avoid are somewhat worse than all the others because I have relatives and/or closer friends there. People usualy come to me and ask me if everything is all right and if something terrible just happened to me (which is true... the wedding is at that point "happening" to me)
So I was the best man at my brothers wedding a few years back... and had to make a toast as well. I know what you're thinking... but it turned out to be OK. Why? The only difference worth mentioning here is that I was with my girlfriend. It was so OK that I even danced on a table toward the end(!)
I usualy look like a sweaty hotdog with googly eyeballs at that point just bobbing and praying that it's all over soon (before I have a heart attack
Well... that was the only girlfriend I ever had and it lasted about 2yrs. Not to say I didn't have my social anxiety moments even with her around but things were a little easier.
So... the cure to my social anxiety (at least a superficial one) seems to be the lack of anxiety related to interacting with women in hopes of getting something more out of it. Weddings seem to be the place where this is most profoundly true.
So yay!! I know what the "cure" is!
Problem is how do I get more of the cure? I can't get a perscription for it and it's not an over the counter drug either(well in some places it can be, but... that's some pretty expensive medication and I think I'm allergic to it anyway).
I knooow....!! Why don't I find a girlfriend at a social gathering or a wedd... erm... hmmm... wait.....
Sweating and bobbing with googly eyeballs... and unable to carry on a real conversation.... REALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I got two weddings coming up (that I can't avoid and don't want to) and the thought alone is making me sick. First one is in April... I don't have time(or money) to have my brains shrunk and make peace with whatever problem(or demon) is making me be this way... so.... SO WHAT DO I DO? (other than Sweat and bobb with googly eyeballs)