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Old 02-21-2011, 08:04 AM   #1
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Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

Hi every one

So I figure I've had Social Anxiety every since I can remember (I'm 32 now). I force my self to go to things that involve lots of people just so I don't end up alone and hopeless. I do realy well with one-on-one situations and with groups of people that I'm close with and when I'm in the presence of groups that I'm not familiar with at all. Being with people that I know, together with others that I don't know however can be a torture. My mind starts going a million miles a second and I crash. It becomes very uncomfortable and thinking of leaving just adds even more anxiety to it

Weddings are by far the worst situations I have been in. I generaly avoid them but sometimes I just can't. Funny thing is that the ones I can't avoid are somewhat worse than all the others because I have relatives and/or closer friends there. People usualy come to me and ask me if everything is all right and if something terrible just happened to me (which is true... the wedding is at that point "happening" to me)

So I was the best man at my brothers wedding a few years back... and had to make a toast as well. I know what you're thinking... but it turned out to be OK. Why? The only difference worth mentioning here is that I was with my girlfriend. It was so OK that I even danced on a table toward the end(!)
I usualy look like a sweaty hotdog with googly eyeballs at that point just bobbing and praying that it's all over soon (before I have a heart attack ).

Well... that was the only girlfriend I ever had and it lasted about 2yrs. Not to say I didn't have my social anxiety moments even with her around but things were a little easier.

So... the cure to my social anxiety (at least a superficial one) seems to be the lack of anxiety related to interacting with women in hopes of getting something more out of it. Weddings seem to be the place where this is most profoundly true.

So yay!! I know what the "cure" is! Problem is how do I get more of the cure? I can't get a perscription for it and it's not an over the counter drug either(well in some places it can be, but... that's some pretty expensive medication and I think I'm allergic to it anyway).

I knooow....!! Why don't I find a girlfriend at a social gathering or a wedd... erm... hmmm... wait.....
Sweating and bobbing with googly eyeballs... and unable to carry on a real conversation.... REALLY ATTRACTIVE.

So I got two weddings coming up (that I can't avoid and don't want to) and the thought alone is making me sick. First one is in April... I don't have time(or money) to have my brains shrunk and make peace with whatever problem(or demon) is making me be this way... so.... SO WHAT DO I DO? (other than Sweat and bobb with googly eyeballs)

 
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:24 AM   #2
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

What do you do? Oh, well, you go and do what must be done, that is your duty. In the meantime, you could try meditation techniques, yoga, physical exercises, tai chi, proper sleeping, aikido, whatever will help you cope better with your anxiety.

 
Old 02-21-2011, 11:53 AM   #3
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

So basically what you're trying to say is that.... I'm screwed

Jokes aside, It does sound like there is no clean and easy way to dodge this bullet.

I do however have a speech to make at a conference and a lecture about my work at a University(before both weddings)... Those can be my meditation so to speak, yes?. Those usualy boost confidence.. and they seem to attract women that are interested in what I have to say(by default actualy). Maybe I just need a plan on how to invite(lure ) one of them to the wedding. And yes, I have genuine interest in finding someone to be with, so It's not like I'd just be using some poor woman as vessel for going to a couple of weddings.

As for "proper sleep"... I think I'll need pills for that
Any suggestions?

I also suspect that I have a mild case of atypical autism. Can that be an underlying cause of social anxiety or I'm I just a big wussy when it comes to women?

 
Old 02-21-2011, 01:18 PM   #4
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

Hey man I have similar problems with social gatherings and women. All my success with women during my college yrs was from the combination of alcohol and the fact that I had a high social status. But since then it has been a dwindling road for me. I have to realy on my real personality and my lack of confidence. I have made leaps and bounds over the yrs just by reading self help books and pusing myself into uncomfortable situations. Best of luck..just keep your head up and dont give up..like I have thought to do many times.

 
Old 02-21-2011, 01:50 PM   #5
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

waywardson thanx for sharring
As I understand it a lot of people are in those same shoes which would explain a lot of weird behaviour we have all wintnessed in the course of our social lives.

I was also reading about being "love shy". The way I see it "love shyness" is a form of social anxiety that is specific to relations with women... ?
Anyone care to take a stab at this?

What doesn't fit with me here is that when I'm one-on-one (date or other) with a woman I'm usualy very comfortable. I still have trouble taking that to the next level... but It's not the same as when i'm in my "sweaty, googly eyeballs mode".

 
Old 02-21-2011, 07:21 PM   #6
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

people are now with this globalization using to solve this kind of stuff sing Yoga.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-21-2011 at 09:58 PM.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 01:58 PM   #7
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

Confidence and being comfrtable can be quite situational and it is going to vary from person to person. There are plenty of ppl whom are comfortable in all situations and plenty whom are only comfortable under certain circumstances. Like I do public speaking on a daily basis and it is no big deal. But there are a lot of social situations that make me uncomfortable. I dont get this sweaty googly eye thing your tallking about. Are you gawking at women..I am not sure what you mean by that.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 02:11 PM   #8
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

Oh... the possibilities that I'm trying to calculate and anticipate... They just make me crash. I just become really conscious and uncomfortable. The more time passes, the more consious I become.. and the more uncomfortable I become. Enter sweaty googly eyes. I just look like I'm having a realy bad time... People then come to assist me, which makes things much worse.
I can focus and perform naturaly with one person.. .or 3-4 friends... or a room full of strangers... but when you put all those together and combine them with the flirting expectations of a wedding type event... well.. I can't think that fast... and crash.

 
Old 02-26-2011, 08:01 PM   #9
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

You sound very funny! Whatever you do mr, take your sense of humor with you and be yourself.

 
Old 02-27-2011, 12:23 AM   #10
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

Thanx GenPine

Humor is a funny thing (literaly). When people meet me for the first time they more often than not think I'm a scientist (true only if you see art as a science). Probably because at first I speak and move in a very calculated manner (I also wear glasses... ha!). It's hard for a funny person to be funny when he's trying to calculate everything.
People that know me well will generlally say I'm funny and even silly. Same thing goes with people that read my thoughts on the net.

About "being your self"... Ironicaly, that is the one thing that makes me crash the most. Trying to be your self means that you are "thinking about it"...."calculating it". It's like trying to forget something...The more you "try" to forget it... the more you end up keeping it fresh.

If social anxiety were something I could "think" my self out of... it would have happened a long time ago. I'm very sensible and with good reasoning skills. Also ironic therefore that people with s.anxiety are more often than not people with good reasoning and logic skills. It becomes part of the problem. It's all about finding the off switch. It would be cool if it was in your nasal cavity... Then you could just pick your nose and... presto!.. Who knows, maybe in the future they come up with "life of the party" circuits/chips that they can implant in your head. I'd pay good money for that

 
Old 02-27-2011, 04:00 AM   #11
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Re: Social Anxiety and short term fixes...

I have had huge anxiety problem for years and was/am on antidepressants. I starting taking vitamin b tablets there 2 months ago and they have seriously helped (the ones that have a high absobtion rate-bit more expensive).
The lady that sold them said a problem with anxiety is that all ur b vitamins drain in the body and creates a problem with the nervous system. by taking the b vitamins it replenishes the b vitmains in the body and aids the nervous system.
As I said it has really really helped and I am a much calmer person and am able to concentrate on issues before me and not what people are thinking of me, why did i say that etcetc

 
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