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Old 02-21-2011, 03:47 PM   #1
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How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

I've developed this thing for a girl I go to school with. I met her and her best friend at the same time back in November and from that point until the end of the semester the three of us hung out a fair amount.

This semester, despite several attempts on my part, we haven't really hung out or talked as much. And things we've talked about doing have yet to happen.

I've thought a lot about telling her that I like her but several things hold me back. One is gaining the courage to tell her. Two is every time it seems like I start to gain her interest she will sort of not say a whole lot to me for the next couple of weeks. Another is what if I tell her and she says she doesn't feel the same or isn't interested? I see this girl nearly every single day of the week so I'm worried that if she didn't feel the same it would be really awkward and hurt our friendship afterward. We're also both seniors in college and the semester ends in a few months and our homes are a thousand miles apart. So it makes me wonder just how far can it go.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 05:07 AM   #2
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Re: How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

Okay, I know it is hard to be rejected, if she says no to you, but it is much better than remaining in the "vacuum" so to say: she loves me, she loves me not. So what?

Invite her for a coffee or something (she will probably know what will be following).

But the most important thing, what do your feelings for her really stand for? Would you invest your time and dedication to be her boyfriend if she says yes?

 
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Old 02-22-2011, 06:35 AM   #3
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Re: How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

I think you're jumping the gun if you just blurt out that you like her at some random moment. That might scare her off. You would be much better off just asking her for some coffee, as pendulum suggested, because that would be a clear signal that you'd like to spend some time getting to know her better. Then at least you would have a venue in which to ask some questions to see who she really is and what she's all about away from the group that you are normally in with her. Then you'll be able to better judge whether she would be interested in pursuing something or not.

But I don't think you should ever just come right out and tell someone you like them without even having gone on a first date yet. That's how a lot of people end up scaring people away in the beginning. You need to find a way to spend some time alone with her first to get to know her on a more personal level and for her to be able to do the same, before you start telling her about your feelings.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 02:14 PM   #4
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Re: How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

one life, lifes all about taking chances, opportunitys, risks. if you dont take a chance u may never know.

 
Old 02-23-2011, 12:55 PM   #5
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Re: How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

no! no! dont do that. Dont tell a girl that you like her! J/k...well kinda. I wouldnt verbalize directly that you like someone..but it is good to show them that you like them...and verbalize around it. Say things like 'i enjoy talking to you' , " I like hanging out with you". " you seem cool, lets hang out again". In my experience if you directly tell a girl that you like her it is the death sentance. UNLESS you have a harem of women after you and have a high social status I wouldnt tell her directly that you like her. Just changeing the level of your relationship will show her your interest..best of LUCK! Remeber when you say these things say them with confidence and sincenrity..dont go the route of throwing it out there nervously in the way of O gee I hope you like me too. Of course take my advice the way you want..im a little bitter.

 
Old 02-24-2011, 11:14 AM   #6
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Re: How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

Quote:
Originally Posted by waywardson View Post
no! no! dont do that. Dont tell a girl that you like her! J/k...well kinda. I wouldnt verbalize directly that you like someone..but it is good to show them that you like them...and verbalize around it. Say things like 'i enjoy talking to you' , " I like hanging out with you". " you seem cool, lets hang out again". In my experience if you directly tell a girl that you like her it is the death sentance. UNLESS you have a harem of women after you and have a high social status I wouldnt tell her directly that you like her. Just changeing the level of your relationship will show her your interest..best of LUCK! Remeber when you say these things say them with confidence and sincenrity..dont go the route of throwing it out there nervously in the way of O gee I hope you like me too. Of course take my advice the way you want..im a little bitter.
I've actually kind of already done some of these things. Before the Fall semester ended in December we had actually talked about going to a restaurant together a couple of times but because of busy school work it never quite happened. At the beginning of this semester we talked about hanging out and watching a movie she was getting in the mail that we haven't seen since we were kids. When I mentioned the movie a few weeks later she said "yeah maybe", but in a cheerful way if that makes sense. Over the years i've learned that maybe more often than not means "maybe not". All of these plans have been pretty mutual as well, I haven't been the only one asking and talking about it.

The reason I mentioned about coming out and saying it at some point is because the two girlfriends I've had in my life and one other girl have all been the ones to come out and say it to me. They didn't beat around the bush, they all just said "I like you". And while before they said those words I don't think I liked them as much as soon as they said it, for some strange reason it seemed to make me like them more. I just know its going to be hard if I just come out and say it, and I couldn't do it at just any time.

 
Old 02-24-2011, 01:34 PM   #7
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Re: How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

Hey man if you feel it is right than go for it. Like I said take my advice as you will, I have not always had the best luck. I have just found that when I wanst as foward I had better luck. The best thing to do though is something! Better to have tried, then never and regret it. It is a little different when the girls says it to you...they operate on a different level. Women are generally the selectors and men the pursuers...but again take my advice and others as you will..your the one makeing the decesion. Best of luck!

 
Old 02-24-2011, 11:56 PM   #8
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Re: How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

I haven't had the best of luck either with women in general. Thats kind of why I'm so hesitant.

If she does reject me, how do/should I handled our relationship afterwards. I really don't want to make things awkward. I ask because in high school, the one time I told a girl I liked her it ruined the friendship and she didn't talk to me at all after that. Thinking back I'm not sure if that was just immaturity or a normal reaction to that sort of thing.

 
Old 02-25-2011, 07:07 AM   #9
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Re: How Do I Tell Her How I Feel?

Well yes that is inmature on her part. I have girl like me in the past that I wasnt so into but I still remained friends with them. You have to remeber also to get a girl you have to be willing to lose her. If you play it safe and never make a move than she will always be your friend. Also, with any girl you can expect a little bit of resistance at first..it is almost like a way of them testing you to see if you will man up and not run away. If you are congruent with the way you are presenting yourself. Again I wouldnt verbalize that you like them...it is like throwing all the cards on the table and killing the attraction...it has to be more of a dance. Show her you are interested..but not so much verbally. Verbalize the things that you like about her but not her looks! Show interest...but not too much. You just dont want it to appear that you are more into her then she is into you.


When you tell a girl you like her before you really get to know her on any intimate level..what you are communicating is "Hey, I am desperate, there is nothing special about you or really any difference to you than a hole in the wall" You are putting the cart before the horse.

In actuality you are not desperate it is just how they percieve it.

Also, haveing been her friend for awhile already it is going to make it more difficult to change your realtionship to where you her boyfriend...I mean that does happen..but generally it is more difficult when you have already been categorized as a friends and she will probably wonder if you were pretending to be her friend all along. So it comes down to how much you value your friendship with her...if you feel ok with it possibly being comprimised than that is ok...most likely of the situation she would just tell you directly or indirectly that she didnt like in that way and continue to be friends...or if she does like you in that way it could turn into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing.

Again I havnt had the best of luck so take anything I say as you will. I feel like I understand the dynamics quite well and have been pretty good at initially attracting a girl. Best of Luck! If at first you dont succed dust yourself of and try again!..just dont confuse that with being pesty, pushy, ...creepy etc. Most important thing is haveing fun and not taking it to seriously

I wish you the best..I know the pains of trying to get a girlfriend!

Last edited by waywardson; 02-25-2011 at 10:26 AM.

 
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