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Old 02-22-2011, 09:51 AM   #1
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Unhappy wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

okay. i am probably going to come off as a complete witch but i'm going to ask anyway.

i am getting married november 12, 2011. i have 4 bridesmaids and a maid of honor, which all i love and have been close with for some time. there is one of my bridesmaids that i would like to demote, or ask to step down. here are my reasons-

:she has made sexual comments to my fiance
:she has said rude, disrespectful things behind my back
:she has shown how fake of a person she can be in front of others
: point blank- i do not trust her any more.

this may seem very pitty to some but i have been friends with this girl for about 10 years. over the time ive known her, her true colors have shown and ive chosen to ignore the signs but its recently i have noticed how fake she really is, and frankly i'm sick of giving her the benefit of the doubt. i'm sick of just letting it go. i dont really even want to even be friends with this girl anymore. why now, 10 years later? i will admit i am a very naive person and i am easily manipulated when it comes to people i care about. i think that i never wanted to face the truth with her because i wanted a friendship so badly but throughout our friendship, i dont know when she has actually been a real good friend to me. i don't trust her. i have stopped telling her things because i just dont trust her.

after i realized how i felt, i asked my fiance for his opinion and for the first time he told me that he could not stand her, but because she was my friend he kept this to himself. he said he felt she was a bad friend, and she didnt really care about me. before i made it apparent to him that my feelings about her have changed, he did not tell me these things.

i am expecting opinions from all direction, but before you respond please do understand that i do not want to hurt her feelings. also do understand that this is my wedding day.

i think "kicking her out" of my bridal party would be very hard to do and it would really hurt her feelings, so any suggestions or advice is greatly appreciated.

 
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:23 AM   #2
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

I think you should put yourself first for a change as it is your big day so i think you should tell her straight that you dont want her to be bridesmaid. think of your feelings now. she thinks of her own feelings and not treating you like a friend so why bother worrying about her ? you want a wedding where your surrounded by people who love you. can i ask though...why did you ask her to be bridesmaid in the first place? maybe you shouldnt of but guess its a little too late now lol.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 11:33 AM   #3
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

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Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
I think you should put yourself first for a change as it is your big day so i think you should tell her straight that you dont want her to be bridesmaid. think of your feelings now. she thinks of her own feelings and not treating you like a friend so why bother worrying about her ? you want a wedding where your surrounded by people who love you. can i ask though...why did you ask her to be bridesmaid in the first place? maybe you shouldnt of but guess its a little too late now lol.
well, i asked her to be a bridesmaid because i wanted her a part of my wedding..at the time. we have been friends for so long, wanting her to be a part of something important was kind of an automatic response. i SHOULD have waited a little longer to ask because it was really far in advance.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 11:39 AM   #4
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

I agree that it is your day, one of the most significant days of your life. If you don't want her in the wedding party, then you shouldn't have her. Accept tho, that there will be no coming back after this, you will never be friends again.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 12:47 PM   #5
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

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I agree that it is your day, one of the most significant days of your life. If you don't want her in the wedding party, then you shouldn't have her. Accept tho, that there will be no coming back after this, you will never be friends again.
yes, i have been thinking about that too. knowing that we would likely never been friends again, makes it a harder choice.. but WHY would i want to be her friend in the future if right now i have finally realized what kind of "friend" she actually is. i was thinking, maybe if i just took it slow. maybe not talk to her for a while, and see where things go with that. maybe she will come out of her shell and be the one to step down. thats pretty cowardly of me too, i know i mean after all, she has to know that shes not a good friend. what kind of person actually does stuff behind a friends back and doesnt have a guilty conscience? i told another friend of mine that this wouldn't be so hard; de-friending her IF i hadnt already asked her to be a bridesmaid. shes also such a dramatic person, and she whines.. and she acts like a baby. another thing i am not looking forward to dealing with. i've put myself in a quite the perdicament (sp?) although, she has a history of blowing off friends that stopped talking to her.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 12:58 PM   #6
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

so if you demote her from the position of bridesmade, is she still invited as a guest?

 
Old 02-22-2011, 01:02 PM   #7
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

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so if you demote her from the position of bridesmade, is she still invited as a guest?
no. i dont want her in my life. if i demoted her yet still invited her, i feel like that would maybe be rubing it in her face? do you agree?

 
Old 02-22-2011, 01:49 PM   #8
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

sometimes in life things have to change. i have walked away from alot of my friends and not because they are 2 faced but because they changed , they started doing cocaine and drinking heavily and they was sleeping with eachother and some was fighting but not often but still that life style was not what i wanted to be around. i dont like drama, and all the stuff they do.

so, i think you should do what feels right for you and walk away and tell her exactly why tell her you have had this thought for a quite a while as you have finally smelt the coffee and realised what kind of friend she is . point out that REAL friends dont do this or that. she will probably want a explanation as to why you are de-friending her. some people really need to tell people the truth , alot of people hide there words/opinions etc out of fear of upsetting the other ones feelings, but like i say some people need to be told straight its not acceptable. otherwise people won't learn and go through out life causing misery for others and getting away with it. maybe if you spoke to her , she might apologise, realise and become a better friend and be ok for the wedding but that depends on how bad you want her out.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 01:53 PM   #9
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
sometimes in life things have to change. i have walked away from alot of my friends and not because they are 2 faced but because they changed , they started doing cocaine and drinking heavily and they was sleeping with eachother and some was fighting but not often but still that life style was not what i wanted to be around. i dont like drama, and all the stuff they do.

so, i think you should do what feels right for you and walk away and tell her exactly why tell her you have had this thought for a quite a while as you have finally smelt the coffee and realised what kind of friend she is . point out that REAL friends dont do this or that. she will probably want a explanation as to why you are de-friending her. some people really need to tell people the truth , alot of people hide there words/opinions etc out of fear of upsetting the other ones feelings, but like i say some people need to be told straight its not acceptable. otherwise people won't learn and go through out life causing misery for others and getting away with it. maybe if you spoke to her , she might apologise, realise and become a better friend and be ok for the wedding but that depends on how bad you want her out.
i am usually the type of person to tell someone honestly what my problem is. i think why its hard with her because she will argue back with me. shes a manipulative person and shes just like another "friend" of mine that i no longer associate with. its HARD dealing with manipulative people. it would be easier for ME to tell her in a message of some sort, then i dont have to hear her arguing back with me, justifying all of her actions. ya know? i do agree with you though, people should know what they are doing wrong. with her, she craves the attention or the approval from individuals and she blames others for her troubles.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 02:13 PM   #10
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

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Originally Posted by colormecrazy View Post
no. i dont want her in my life. if i demoted her yet still invited her, i feel like that would maybe be rubing it in her face? do you agree?
probably and i'd bet she'd probably make a scene too....

 
Old 02-22-2011, 02:17 PM   #11
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

might sound crap but yeah maybe telling her by text/email/fb etc ...that you dont want to be friends anymore. think i would do that if they are hard to handle. yeah i agree she probably would make a scene. drama queen hey lol

 
Old 02-22-2011, 02:19 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
probably and i'd bet she'd probably make a scene too....
oh ya, i dont doubt that. definitely after a few drinks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
drama queen hey lol
haha that made me laugh. i have already started to do small things, like for my social networking, i blocked her from commenting or posting things on my wall. she can still SEE what's posted, but cant say anything about it. i detagged A LOT of pictures of us together. i didnt want it to be too sudden. i have to think of the perfect thing to say and i have 2 months to do it. my girls havent got their dresses yet, we are doing that in May. i know that doing this in a message is kind crappy but like i said, manipulative people that argue and whine to get their way are NOT very easy to deal with. one thing though, she has actually done her fair share of bridesmaid duties. which is another reason why im hesitant... which leads me to something else i've thought about, which is completely WRONG and im fully aware of how bad this sounds, is to just go with it and see if she steps back. if she doesnt step back, dont demote her and let her play her part. just dont ask her to do much. if i dont give her much to do then i dont really have to trust her with anything. then after the wedding, again start backing away from her. it just seems so much better to "get busy" than telling her what a bad friend she is. if i dont give her a reason to cause a scene, even as a bridesmaid then shes not going to. i have talked about this with another bridesmaid and she suggested this idea, she knows exactly what im dealing with too though. it sounds like a terrible idea, and i'm sure it looks pretty bad on my part.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-23-2011 at 06:29 PM.

 
Old 02-22-2011, 02:35 PM   #13
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

pretend she dont exist lol

 
Old 02-22-2011, 02:38 PM   #14
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

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pretend she dont exist lol
that is something im seriously considering

 
Old 02-22-2011, 03:37 PM   #15
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Re: wanting a Bridesmaid to step down.

Are your other bridesmaids/ wedding guests all friends with her?
Is asking her to step down going to cause them all to boycott your wedding and cause a bunch of crazy drama?

If so, you might want to just leave her in. You can always edit her out of the photos later.

 
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