Firstly, I'd like to express my gratitude for anyone willing to read this... it seems I cannot talk to anyone about my problem It's such a relief to finally spit this out:
My husband is driving me crazy!!!!! We are essentially unemployed (self-employed in the construction industry) and things are just getting worse by the day. Every day is the same routine; get up, get dressed and do very little. When I try to go out and do things, like TRY to get us some work (not easy), and go to the office to pay bills (plenty of them!) he constantly harasses me via the phone, "When are you coming home", "Where are you now?", yadayadayada... I'm ready to throw my phone away!!!!
When we are home together, it's all about him. I feel like I cannot have a moment of peace! I cannot even watch TV anymore unless I want to watch 11 hours of the weather channel or motorsports... so, I cook, and clean and am basically bored to tears.
We have just moved into a new home, to add to our tension, and I'm just not feeling "homey". My DH is keeping busy with some hobbies, and of course I try to join in, but not really my cup of tea. I have been waiting patiently for him to get my craft room in order but it's like he doesn't even care to do so.
I don't even know what I'm asking for here. Sympathy I guess. I love my husband dearly, but I think deep down I'm blaming him for our predicament, and I just can't seem to let it go. I usually am tolerant but lately I'm crying more and more (privately) and haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks.
How can I start rebuilding this relationship before it all goes south?
You need to spend more time away from each other. Even in the best of circumstances, too much togetherness can breed contempt. Find a reason to leave the house and turn your phone off for a while. You can check back in with him later. Do this a few times a week, gradually increasing the time spent away. (Kind of reminds me of training a dog with separation anxiety)
Hopefully, he'll get adjusted and you'll keep your sanity. Take care
The Following User Says Thank You to rudiraven For This Useful Post: Miss Me (02-22-2011)
Since you aren't really into any of his hobbies, maybe you can try finding some of your own. You mentioned that you wanted a craft room, but maybe you can set aside a small part of a room so that you can do the things that you find interesting. It's hard to constantly be with someone since you guys aren't separated while you are at work. Perhaps you can try going for walks or riding a bike or anything that you like to do that requires you to leave the house. Explain to him that you can't be constantly answering your phone if your trying to get things done. He needs to respect that all people need their space and time to themselves.
hobbys, going out, play games on fb, sew, draw, painting, knit, make things, dance...anything that interests you. can you afford a dog? if not then sorry about that but a dogs always a good excuse to go out.
I would agree with a dog, provided that the husband would accept him, too, otherwise it may become an additional source of stress, even for the dog himself.
Has your husband always been like that? Do you think he would agree to see a doctor for a check-up? Maybe you, too, need a check-up, right?
Yeah, the problem is basically that he needs a job and you need to regain your sleep and peace of mind. But if you guys are not healthy enough, both goals are hard to achieve.
Thanks for the great responses! It's surely true that we are spending WAY too much time together! I have plenty to keep me occupied (a dog, a horse, I could be working on crafts like I used to at my old house), it just seems my DH wants me by his side constantly! I realize that he is depressed about our situation... I think I may just have to take the leap and work on my own sanity, for us. I hope he understands.
It's such a relief to finally spit this out:
Find a reason to leave the house and turn your phone off for a while. You can check back in with him later. Do this a few times a week, gradually increasing the time spent away. (Kind of reminds me of training a dog with separation anxiety)
