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Old 02-23-2011, 05:58 PM   #1
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Boyfriend with ROCD....HELP!

My boyfriend of six months was diagnosed with OCD when he was a child and I also believe it's manifested into ROCD. I'm 21 and he's 22 and we're both in college. Although, he had to take a couple of semesters off and is living in our hometown 3 hours away. I work at an academic center (just got the job this semester) as a tutor. So far I've only had office work to do, but as of yesterday I was assigned a student to tutor...a male football player (my academic center is for the athletes). My boyfriend is having SERIOUS issues with this. We haven't had much jealousy/insecurity problems in the past. Something would come up and we would discuss it and would be okay. I love him dearly and I could never do that to him. He's been serious with only one other girl and she cheated on him. Plus, his parents are divorced...his mom has been re-married 5x (so far) and there's been cheating in her marriages. This doesn't really help my situation AT ALL. He's *trying* but he really doesn't think he can handle it and that it will end our relationship. This really hurts me. I find it ridiculous that he cannot handle my job, but on the other hand...I understand why this is so difficult for him. I don't know what to do? Do I tell him to just suck it up and deal with it? ...When it's a college job and not something I'm serious about. Do I continue working and lie to him about the tutoring when there's no way he would know? He's already made soo much progress in our relationship and I really hate to see it end this way. I've been sick to my stomach all day long. My other option is tell my employer that I'm unable to work with the male students and give them a reason why (probably not the real one though). This isn't an easy decision to make. I don't want to end things...

Pleassse pleassse help!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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Old 02-23-2011, 06:57 PM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend with ROCD....HELP!

Definitely don't change anything about your job for your boyfriend's sake, because it's his problem. Don't lie to him about having the job either - that would give you a guilty conscience and he'd probably find out eventually and it's just not worth all that mess. He's gonna have to either take it or leave it. Has he tried to go to counseling about this? Does it manifest in other ways, like is he always asking you questions about other men and try to control who you're with etc?

 
Old 02-23-2011, 07:04 PM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend with ROCD....HELP!

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Originally Posted by digmusic View Post
Definitely don't change anything about your job for your boyfriend's sake, because it's his problem. Don't lie to him about having the job either - that would give you a guilty conscience and he'd probably find out eventually and it's just not worth all that mess. He's gonna have to either take it or leave it. Has he tried to go to counseling about this? Does it manifest in other ways, like is he always asking you questions about other men and try to control who you're with etc?
He's been to counseling before but hasn't made any improvement. He's also bee on medication with the same outcome. It's kind of a funny thing because I'm majoring to be a counselor. I think it helps give me more patience. Usually he'll freak out and then realize he's doing it...calm down and then talk to me about it. I can usually sense the jealousy but I believe he knows better than try to control me. He also said that he wouldn't break up before he would ask me to change my job. We've agreed to just not discuss it further and if there's anything that I can do on my end about who I tutor or how it's done...that he will trust me to do it. But, in the end...he would rather not know. While this does help me...I'm still worried. Up until this point I hadn't done much research on OCD and I'm now realizing how serious his disorder is....

 
Old 02-23-2011, 07:48 PM   #4
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Re: Boyfriend with ROCD....HELP!

See, he really can't ask you to change your job because he is jealous of you tutoring males, that's absolutely absurd. Besides, what job could you have that wouldn't bother him? Unless you get a job where you only come into contact with other females, all the time, he's going to just be jealous of something else.

 
Old 02-23-2011, 08:14 PM   #5
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Re: Boyfriend with ROCD....HELP!

It's not practical...there's always going to be guys everywhere. I haven't given him reason to not trust me. And he hasn't really been possessive or acted in this manner before.

 
Old 02-23-2011, 08:20 PM   #6
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Re: Boyfriend with ROCD....HELP!

i would tell him ''this is my job, thats all it is, you are going to have to just trust me on this im your girl and will stay that way''.

 
Old 02-24-2011, 05:56 AM   #7
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Re: Boyfriend with ROCD....HELP!

If you start giving in to his obsessions now then you'll have to expect to always be caving in and coddling his obsessions. I wouldn't do it. If he can't deal with it, then it is his problem not yours.

 
Old 02-24-2011, 01:07 PM   #8
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Re: Boyfriend with ROCD....HELP!

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Originally Posted by trystme View Post
If you start giving in to his obsessions now then you'll have to expect to always be caving in and coddling his obsessions. I wouldn't do it. If he can't deal with it, then it is his problem not yours.
That was my big question. Thank you. As I'm beginning to learn more about OCD I didn't want to worsen this situation by encouraging his behavior.

 
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