its been a while since i made a thread but i needed to share my confusion. ok so i am insecure, have severe trust issues, traumatised by many horrible things from my past, got bad depression to this day and i am now in therapy to help sort it. what i am confused about is...i WANT to pour my heart out to my therapist about all my past but she wont let me :-( she wont even discuss my biggest problem which is trust issues which is driving my boyfriend crazy although i am improving. i want to solve my biggest problem which is trust issues but all shes interested in solving is my anxiety and thats not even as bad as my trust issues. i just think shes making this more about what she wants todo than me. i suggested i have therapy and counselling at same time but she says no its a bad idea as shes trying to help my bad thinking patterns, my thoughts, behaviour , anxiety, depression etc ...she said it will be too much and it will be up and down emotions. i kind of get that but how am i supposed to get better if i can't open up about whats bothering me and why its bothering me. she ask some very hard questions and the only way i can answer it is to talk about a certain time in the past which has made me think or feel this certain way...she wont let me even use it as an example. she is helping a little as my thinking patterns are slowly changing but there is so much inside that i need to reveal. all this is affecting me everyday.
heres an example she said ''why are you anxious about getting on public transport''....i said ''dont trust people near me''....she said ''why is that? '' ....at this point i was trying to explain in detail why i dont trust people at all. but of course soon as i started trying to use a certain bad event in my past she cut me off. grrrrr its so frustrating.
my boyfriends worried that i won't get better if i can't talk about my pain from the past. i know people say past is past but PAST is what makes us who we are today and can be so traumatic its not easy to get over. i have reassured my boyfriend i will do everything in my power to sort my issues out but hes still worried.
really fed up. sorry needed to vent :-(
Last edited by cryingforever; 02-24-2011 at 11:23 AM.
thanks for your reply. i will look into those things because i really need to get so much stuff off my chest i want to have a cry and reflect and come to terms with past and move on and realise my lifes so much better now which it truly is. its like everyday i just want to talk, pour my heart out but theres only so much i can say to my boyfriend or friends as they have there own lifes, little time, my boyfriend says i can talk to him ANYTIME i want but i dont like been a burden on him.
If your therapist is helping you develop different thinking patterns (are you possibly using CBT?), that should also help with your trust issues. Trust issues, as long as they are in your head and not warranted by your bf's behavior, are usually a result of negative thinking patterns. If you can learn to control your thinking patterns and your triggers, your jealousy should get better. Jealousy typically starts out as one unsupported thought, and snowballs into many unsupported thoughts. This in turn results in mistrust and jealousy because you have made up ideas and scenarios in your head that don't exist. If you have been working with CBT, you should know what I'm talking about. If not, feel free to message me and I can tell you some methods that you could start trying/working on if you'd like.
Anyway, my second opinion is that possibly your therapist now isn't the right therapist for you. You and your therapist should be on the same page and working towards the same goals. If you feel your therapist is holding you back, you might not accomplish as much as you would like. Sometimes it's a process to find the right therapist. Everyone has different ways of working and communication, so it's possible that you and your therapist just don't work well together. If you think that's the case, there's absolutely no harm in searching for a new therapist. Not everyone is "made" for each other, and she will understand that. Kind of look at therapists as a boyfriend... just because you might meet a nice guy who has a lot to offer doesn't mean the "chemistry" will be there and that he's the one for you.
hey thanks for your reply. yeah i am having CBT. i feel like the therapys working a little , i feel like my therapist is getting into my head and when i start thinking negative i think about the thought and go over what shes said in my head and usually it is let go out of my mind which is good. maybe my therapist is good for me but guess it will take time. shes having some affect on me a small bit anyway so hopefully soon enough things will start to pick up. i am going to stick with it. she said if i am not any better after therapy my doctor will re-refer me so i can see another therapist. i am also starting back on my medication tomorrow as im stupid just stopped taking them before as i got lazy to go back to doctors to get more pills but now i am DEDICATED to getting better. my therapist nearly stopped my visits forever on tuesday because i hadnt done my 'home work' lol...writing down what i have done, how i felt on these papers that she gave me but i promised i would do them and i am writing everything i do now and got my medication.
so....i hope your right that curing these thinking patterns is all part and parcel of solving trust issues. always fear been cheated on :-( behaviours getting better though now , compared to what it used to be. looking back i was on these message boards moaning and whining about my boyfriend when really it was me with the problem and drove him away and then couldnt understand why he was distant etc...now i see it clear now that it was 90% of things my fault BUT NOT ALL lol. men arent innocent they do there fair share of moaning and been a a$$ , so can us women. no ones innocent lol.
Last edited by cryingforever; 02-24-2011 at 08:19 PM.
I can relate to this situation from both sides. I have done my own personal work for many years and also facilitated in classes, groups, etc. Yes, you do need to "tell your story", but it is only a small step in the journey when all is said and done. I sense that your therapist is keeping you in the "here and now", and that is very important. It sounds as if your reaction to the "hard" questions is to jump straight back into the old pattern of reaction (into the past), and your therapist is trying to show you how to deal with issues in the here and now. You KNOW that you are traumatised, and damaged by your past. The issue now is to live now and develop these strategies and skills to change your thinking without getting bogged down in the limitations imposed on you by the past. Look at your 'self' as a recording playing these miserable old tunes and allowing you only to dance to them. The thing is that you must record some new positive music for you to dance to. Tell your story in writing, it really doesn't (in the long run) matters who else hears it but you.
The Following User Says Thank You to Seraph For This Useful Post: cryingforever (02-27-2011)
i think Seraph has a very wise point. i will keep to seeing her. after all she is trying to help me. i am starting to understand now what is happening and i think it is the right thing to do which is go and deal with the hear and now. my therapist said to me ''if you talk over about your past ,then what? ''...i said ''i'd have got it off my chest''...she says ''but would it really change anything now, would it change your thinking patterns''...at the time i thought yes but actually i think now it wouldnt as she keeps saying to me ''then what''...then i end up thinking ''erm not sure''. yeah its about the future not the past anymore. past has been and gone and my thinking/thoughts/behaviour needs to be deal with PRONTO . thank you peoples for helping me understand better. i am not bright so lol.