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Old 03-03-2011, 10:00 AM   #1
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Having a Hard Time with Break Up

I donít really have a specific question, Iím just posting on here for advice I guess. Iím a junior in college and I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 Ĺ years last night; Iím really having a hard time dealing. I broke up because I just wasnít feeling right about us and Iíd been vacillating back and forth about breaking up in my head for a while. I felt like I was leading him on and that it was unfair to stay in a relationship I wasnít sure I wanted. When I told him I was unsure, he agreed that he didn't want that either. Part of it is that he was my first boyfriend and I kind of wanted to see what else was out there. I was happy with us on and off, but the time I spent feeling unsure or like I wanted to end it was much more prevalent. I decided I needed to stop dragging it out for both our sakes.

We almost broke up before because Iíve realized that we donít have very similar goals in life and arenít really on the same level of motivation. I want to continue my schooling and heís not really sure what heís going to do. Heís several years older than me. Problem is with breaking up, it wasnít mutual and I know I really hurt him. I really hurt myself too, and I know itís normal to be broken up about it, but Iím having a hard time handling it. I already miss the companionship and all I can think about is the good times we had, which just makes it worse.

I think half the problem is that Iím really shy and donít have a lot of people to turn to. Iím not very good at making friends. I have my parents and my best friend/roommate, whom Iíve known for 10 yrs. The rest of the people I know at school are acquaintances I talk to but wouldnít call ďfriendsĒ. I just feel kind of pathetic that I donít have more friends and that I was so dependent on the relationship I had with my boyfriend. I guess Iím also afraid I wonít find anyone else because my boyfriend was the one the pursued me.

Anyway, I guess Iím just hoping to here from some people in similar situations and how they dealt. I know I should be keeping busy but it just happened last night and I canít stop crying on and off. I have work later and I need to try and pull myself together for that. Iím just hoping someone can offer some advice or relate or something. Sorry this was so long.

 
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Old 03-03-2011, 10:23 AM   #2
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Re: Having a Hard Time with Break Up

Ideally, hibernating would be the best remedy against the pain of breaking up. You would sleep for as long as it would be necessary for you to forget it or at least to put it on the background.

Since only bears and a few other animals hibernate, there is nothing else for you to do but face reality and move on. You have to go through it. It is hard but it usually gets less hard every day.

Try to look at the "positive" (did I say "positive"?) side of breaking up: you are now free! Free to go wherever you want to, free to do whatever you want to.

Take a warm shower, put on clothes that make you feel comfortable, allow yourself a few treats, go to the movies, join a club or class where you can meet different people. You may be shy (and many many people are so, more than you can imagine), but being shy is not an excuse for not doing doings. Whenever you feel afraid, try to picture yourself coming out of your body and becoming a second "I", an observer of yourself. So now you are powerful, because you are double! Don't let fear get hold of you.

If you can speak, if you can listen, if you can smile, if you can be grateful, there is no reason in the world for you not to make friends, unless you are looking in the wrong places.

 
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Old 03-03-2011, 12:12 PM   #3
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Re: Having a Hard Time with Break Up

You will find another one. Trust me, there's ALWAYS another one. I've felt that way about every relationship that ended and there's always been a new one to come along. I know you feel lonely right now and feel pathetic for not having more friends and I can really relate to that - I don't have a boyfriend either as of a couple months ago, and while I used to have a ton of friends, a lot of people moved away and I haven't replaced them. You are being so strong and really acting in accordance with your values. You let a bad relationship go and risk the loneliness that comes from that. A lot of people stay in bad relationships forever cause they are too afraid of being alone. I don't know you but I'm really proud of you. And of course you are upset, you broke up what, yesterday? Any break-up is gonna take awhile to heal from. Of course you'll miss him for awhile! but you'll feel much better in just a few weeks, I promise you.

 
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Old 03-03-2011, 12:42 PM   #4
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Re: Having a Hard Time with Break Up

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond, I really appreciate it. I know you're right and that it will get better with time, I guess I just really wasn't prepared to feel this down, especially since it was my doing. I know that you and tons of people have gone through similar things, I guess it will just take time. Thank you so much for the support,

 
Old 03-03-2011, 08:10 PM   #5
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Re: Having a Hard Time with Break Up

you absolutely did the right thing.
as dig says, so many people stay in unhealthy or mismatched relationships just out of habit. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, or start a new one. You'll feel better soon. How about starting a new routine such as a work out program or something?

 
Old 03-04-2011, 01:20 PM   #6
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Re: Having a Hard Time with Break Up

Thanks for the support rosequartz. I know deep down it was the right thing to do, even though it really hurts. Working out or something like that is a great idea. I talked to someone at work today about it and that really helped - so I guess talking to people and trying to stay busy is the way to go. I guess things can only get better. Thanks again.

 
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